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Original poster

Unemployed Dh now signed off for a year- fed up and skint!

319 replies

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:16

Dh has been unemployed for over 9 months. He's been applying for remote work but not getting any where. I think he's now given up as he has diabetes and side effects .
He was on jsa but has now had a meeting with the disability person who has signed him off as unfit to work.
But he's capable of working. He spends all his time on the computer. He walks the dogs for miles, potters in the garden etc.
He's late 50s so I think he's subtly retiring
But we can't afford it.
I work ft and can just afford rent bills and food. There is no spare money. We have spent our savings.
We have teenagers who want to go out with friends and spend money.
I'm starting to feel really resentful of someone I see 24/7 who now has a cushy life.
How do I stop feeling like this?

OP posts:
caringcarer · 14/12/2023 20:14

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:53

I haven't seen any paperwork. I'm pushing him to apply for a blue badge/ disabled bus pass .
There was a phonecall on Sunday from an assessor but I didn't hear the conversation. He said he's been signed off as unfit to work and they'll reassess in a year.

I'd be very surprised if they worked on Sundays. Did you actually speak to assessor or did he just tell you he got a call? He's already proved he's a liar about the pension.

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 20:16

@Neriah Yes its an organisation that runs secret campaigns..I’m not going to argue with what your friend told you but it’s not the DWP i work for . She must work for a different one

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 20:16

OP has clarified the pension situation- he’s late 50’s so access is perfectly possible

caringcarer · 14/12/2023 20:16

InefficientProcess · 14/12/2023 20:12

Of course you are carrying 100% of the mental and the vast majority of the practical load (barring a bit of dog walking).

It’s ok to resent this.

Show quote history

So despite neuropathy in his feet he can walk miles every day. How do you think he'd get a blue card? You have to struggle to walk 50 metres to get a blue card.

FlyingCherub · 14/12/2023 20:16

Is the neuropathy a result of poorly managed diabetes?

I'm type 2, can't eat carbs/sugar in any forms and take daily meds/have 3 monthly check ups to keep my blood sugars under control. It's the only way to avoid neuropathy/eye and organ damage. It can be pretty miserable at times, in truth, but it's my responsibility.

If he's got these side effects due to health negligence, I'd be out of there, sorry. Why should you be the one carrying his burden?

Neriah · 14/12/2023 20:18

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 20:16

@Neriah Yes its an organisation that runs secret campaigns..I’m not going to argue with what your friend told you but it’s not the DWP i work for . She must work for a different one

I didn't say it was secret.
https://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/news/tougher-sanctions-target-claimants-cash,-medication-and-access-to-justice
No targets? That took seconds to find. Perhaps you aren't all that senior.

Tougher sanctions target claimants cash, medication and access to justice

Get the benefits you're entitled to: help with personal independence payment (PIP), universal credit (UC), employment and support allowance (ESA),disability living allowance (DLA). Claims, assessments, reviews, appeals.

https://www.benefitsandwork.co.uk/news/tougher-sanctions-target-claimants-cash,-medication-and-access-to-justice

Snugglemonkey · 14/12/2023 20:18

Harvestfestivalknickers · 14/12/2023 19:29

Suggest he starts a dog walking business

This was my thought.

caringcarer · 14/12/2023 20:18

JustOneMoreBaileys · 14/12/2023 20:11

Apart from anything else, if he hasn't found a WFH role in IT in 9 months, he is seriously off with his job searching (eg looking for an unrealistic salary for his skills or allowing his skills to stagnate so that he no longer is up with tech).

They are 10 a penny in tech. Pretty much anyone I interview now is looking for a remote role - and finding them easily.

I also know loads of people who work in IT who have to WFH.

LifeIsGreatForUnicorns · 14/12/2023 20:18

Sorry - haven’t read the whole thread but have seen that this page seems to do very well with wfh jobs
https://www.facebook.com/theworkfromhomehub

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/theworkfromhomehub

whatsappdoc · 14/12/2023 20:23

He needs to take responsibility for something. If he's capable of dog walking, pottering, computing etc then he's capable of doing the lion's share of housework, cooking, admin and parenting. Does he think that you are going to carry him forever? No wonder you are exhausted.

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 20:24

@Neriah Don’t derail the thread with “my dad is bigger than yours” arguments. That article doesn’t prove your friends assertions. Anyway OP I understand your frustration and even if your DH has been told he doesn’t have to look for work, that doesn’t mean he is incapable of it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2023 20:25

He can't slow fade into retirement if he's cashed in his pension. And potter around while you pay for everything and get into debt. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

So there needs to be a different plan. What is the different plan? He needs to be engaged in finding it. Not just you.

caringcarer · 14/12/2023 20:26

Could he start up a little business walking dogs?

category12 · 14/12/2023 20:27

I'd be worried about him having cashed in his pension 😕

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 20:27

whatsappdoc · 14/12/2023 20:23

He needs to take responsibility for something. If he's capable of dog walking, pottering, computing etc then he's capable of doing the lion's share of housework, cooking, admin and parenting. Does he think that you are going to carry him forever? No wonder you are exhausted.

Agreed.
He equally has a duty to claim (attempt to at the very least) every benefit that he can to help support himself and his family financially. If he is telling you the truth OP he will have options to apply for. there is absolutely no excuse for dragging his feet on this issue

DragonFly98 · 14/12/2023 20:28

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 19:54

Oh come on now OP, the assessor called him on a SUNDAY???? Yeah, right 🙄

Yes, not unusual to have a dwp telephone assement at the weekend especially when there is a backlog.

MercanDede · 14/12/2023 20:29

AgnesX · 14/12/2023 19:41

So presumably he's applied for ESA and it's been disallowed because of your income?

ESA is either contribution based or income based. If you have worked and have the NIC credits, you get contribution based ESA regardless of income for a certain period of time depending on your NIC record.

Robb6666 · 14/12/2023 20:29

Go for pip £691 every 4 weeks

DragonFly98 · 14/12/2023 20:29

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 20:03

Thanks now something else to worry about. I was feeling better that we have some official disability thing now it may not be true!

It will be true it's not unusual to have an assement on a Sunday if there is a backlog.

DragonFly98 · 14/12/2023 20:30

@Neriah there are no targets don't believe everything you read online.

BouncingJAS · 14/12/2023 20:32

@InefficientProcess

You can currently access your pension pot at 55.

25% of what you take out then can be a tax free lump sum. The rest would be taxable.

Given that OPs husband is in his 50s he can be telling the truth.

Alicia88 · 14/12/2023 20:33

I know people on PIP who sit in wetherspoons all day and my mates mother who has been on PIP for 2 decades with a bad back. (she hasn't). My mate drives her brand new Volvo "Motability" vehicle around.

I think it's worth a shot.

SuperGreens · 14/12/2023 20:34

Have you sat down and talked about how this situation is going to work financially? What is he thinking? If he is already cashing in his pensions (secretively) Id be concerned his plan now is to sponge of you forever. So that pension you are building up for the next 20 years will be supporting him too. While he enjoys life, you will be doing literally everything. If that is his plan, I would be off in a shot, draw a line under it now.

BouncingJAS · 14/12/2023 20:34

@FlyingCherub

Peripheral nerve problems are a textbook sign of diabetic damage.

It does sound like OPs husband is not properly managing his condition.

Livelovebehappy · 14/12/2023 20:37

Myyearmytime · 14/12/2023 19:17

Get him to claim pip

Seriously? When her dh can walk the dogs for miles? I was under the impression that PIP is really difficult to get.