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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Unemployed Dh now signed off for a year- fed up and skint!

319 replies

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:16

Dh has been unemployed for over 9 months. He's been applying for remote work but not getting any where. I think he's now given up as he has diabetes and side effects .
He was on jsa but has now had a meeting with the disability person who has signed him off as unfit to work.
But he's capable of working. He spends all his time on the computer. He walks the dogs for miles, potters in the garden etc.
He's late 50s so I think he's subtly retiring
But we can't afford it.
I work ft and can just afford rent bills and food. There is no spare money. We have spent our savings.
We have teenagers who want to go out with friends and spend money.
I'm starting to feel really resentful of someone I see 24/7 who now has a cushy life.
How do I stop feeling like this?

OP posts:
WhatNoUsername · 14/12/2023 19:41

"meeting with the disability person"

What does this mean? Do you mean he's applied for ESA and been found unfit for work?

You don't just have a meeting at the JCP and get signed off for a year!

The ESA medical assessors/decision makers don't "sign you off" for a specific period either. They may set a review date, but that doesn't mean he can't be reassessed earlier and he still needs to tell them if his condition changes.

AgnesX · 14/12/2023 19:41

So presumably he's applied for ESA and it's been disallowed because of your income?

FancyBottom · 14/12/2023 19:42

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:40

The DWP does not have targets for refusing benefits.

They have targets to filter and get people off benefits.

MercanDede · 14/12/2023 19:42

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:40

The DWP does not have targets for refusing benefits.

They write the targets into their contracts. The Government has repeatedly announced a target of getting 50% of all disabled people currently deemed unfit for work into work.

InefficientProcess · 14/12/2023 19:42

Are you sure the DWP ‘signed him
off work for a year’? (As others have noted, it’s a weird description of the actual possibilities within ESA). Or is that just what he’s telling you so he can just do nothing and leave you to carry all the financial (and I’m going to guess, practical) burden?

Especially since he cashed in his pension and lied to you about where the money came from - which now leaves him with no private pension provision.

Original poster
Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:43

I know I'm probably looking for the unicorn job but he works in IT so possible. I'm wfh and work in IT.

We do talk and he is disillusioned with job hunting and depressed due to not getting anywhere.

OP posts:
Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:44

Well you cant have it both ways..many people fight the “medical professionals” assessments when it comes to DWP and get them overturned so theres no guarantee this one is right. From the information OP has given her husband is clearly disabled but that doesn’t mean he cant work. OP knows him and obviously feels he could. That’s not to say it will be easy though and PIP could help but that’s not a reason to stop looking if the family is under financial pressure

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:45

@MercanDede Ican assure you the DWP does not have a target for refusing benefits.

Hibambinos · 14/12/2023 19:45

I bet if you divorced him and he lived alone he would miraculously leap into employment….

Neriah · 14/12/2023 19:46

Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:35

I don't know what he said to the assessor but he could easily wfh.
I've heard horror stories about applying for pip but he should do that .
I'm thinking about getting a second/weekend job but I'm old and knackered .

You are old and knackered in your mid 40s? You said you've 20 years to go until you retire. I'm 66, disabled, working full time and definitely not old and knackered.

And it's incredibly difficult to get the DWP to consider someone unfit for work when all their targets are getting exactly that group into work.
Seems fishy...

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 19:47

I’m sorry to ask and I may be way off base as I don’t know how the system works, but is it possible that he’s lying to you?
Have you seen actual documentation or is it just him telling you?

SnapBang · 14/12/2023 19:47

Can you leave OP? I would

Neriah · 14/12/2023 19:48

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:45

@MercanDede Ican assure you the DWP does not have a target for refusing benefits.

My friend who is a senior manager in the DWP assures me that there definitely are targets and always have been.

SecondUsername4me · 14/12/2023 19:49

If you honestly think he can work, and is choosing not to, then I'd go down the separation route.

Nothing less attractive than a cocklodger.

InefficientProcess · 14/12/2023 19:50

It seems very fishy indeed.

Definitely do not get a second job to compensate for this man who is most likely lying to you. And has lied to you in the past.

I don’t think you need to figure out how not not be resentful about this. Don’t gaslight yourself into believing you’re wrong for feeling resentful about a man who most definitely appears to be creative with the truth and is content for you to carry all the responsibility.

InefficientProcess · 14/12/2023 19:51

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 19:47

I’m sorry to ask and I may be way off base as I don’t know how the system works, but is it possible that he’s lying to you?
Have you seen actual documentation or is it just him telling you?

It’s very likely he’s lying to her.

EmmaEmerald · 14/12/2023 19:51

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 19:47

I’m sorry to ask and I may be way off base as I don’t know how the system works, but is it possible that he’s lying to you?
Have you seen actual documentation or is it just him telling you?

My thoughts too.

WillowTit · 14/12/2023 19:52

i thought jsa only lasted 6 months anyway

Twistyripple · 14/12/2023 19:52

Are you considered to be a "carer"?

You may be able to get some support/assistance from that angle?

Original poster
Stressedgiraffe · 14/12/2023 19:53

I haven't seen any paperwork. I'm pushing him to apply for a blue badge/ disabled bus pass .
There was a phonecall on Sunday from an assessor but I didn't hear the conversation. He said he's been signed off as unfit to work and they'll reassess in a year.

OP posts:
WillowTit · 14/12/2023 19:53

diabetic neuropathy probably doesnt allow him to work very much tbh

BettyBakesCakes · 14/12/2023 19:54

If he's been signed off work won't he still be getting some sort of benefit?

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 19:54

Oh come on now OP, the assessor called him on a SUNDAY???? Yeah, right 🙄

Sidebeforeself · 14/12/2023 19:55

@Neriah Your friend is wrong. I have worked for the dept on and off for 30 years also at a senior level.

WillowTit · 14/12/2023 19:55

you are fed up because you are skint?
not much compassion coming across, if any,
the teens will have to learn compassion also