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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

To mothers of sons

168 replies

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:39

I am a mother to 3 adult sons. 24, 27, 30 yrs. I think my hubby gets jealous when I do things for them. E.g. 2 live away and when they visit I get super excited, and u express this in words and I may cook something I know they like etc etc He senses this and judging by his comments (digging and sarcastic) he struggles with seeing this excitement in me and seeing me doing things for them. I actually find it difficult to see his lack of excitement at them visiting. Its not like I dont do things for him btw. Any comments?

OP posts:

SwedeCaroline · 02/12/2023 17:40

good for you, I am glad you are excited and welcoming to your sons! No idea what your husbands issue is

MrsNandortheRelentless · 02/12/2023 17:41

Your husband is a dick.

forrestgreen · 02/12/2023 17:42

I've seen this described about Kody brown because people say he's a narcissist.
Ie other men are a threat to me.

(Complete lack of grammar as I'm feeling rubbish)

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:42

Your husband is a dick. I appreciate why u have said this but he really isn't a dick. He's quite lovely and kind too. But he's very insecure I think and easily jealous

OP posts:

franke · 02/12/2023 17:42

Carry on as you are. Your h is being a prick.

SidekickSylvia · 02/12/2023 17:42

Is your husband their dad?

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:43

yes he is their dad

OP posts:

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:43

to all 3 of them

OP posts:

TakeMe2Insanity · 02/12/2023 17:44

But thats a normal reaction. Whenever I came back from somewhere my mum would cook something I liked similarly I would do the same for her when she came back after being away.

It’s your husband being odd.

Mischance · 02/12/2023 17:45

Bit of a big baby maybe!!? He has got used to having you to himself!

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:46

get this, I asked the youngest one who still lives here ...
"I hope you dont feel hurt if I show lot of excitement when one of your brothers visits . I love having you here and spending time with you too."
He said...
"They dont come so often, it would be weird if you didn't get excited I think!"
So mature I thought!

OP posts:

Lilithlogic · 02/12/2023 17:47

3 sons here 18, 25 and 30. I'm actually rather proud of my ex for how much he does with our sons and he the same with me. We were together 16 years and jealousy would have been ridiculous. So weird for a parent to feel jealousy like that.

whatsinanameeh · 02/12/2023 17:47

My father in law is like this with his male and female children. He can't bear his wife, enjoying their company more than his.

He's a grade A prick

My DH is nothing like him, thank god, and I would never stand for it like mother in law does. All parents should be free to enjoy their children whatever their ages

everybluesock · 02/12/2023 17:47

That is really strange behaviour from your DH. I couldn't imagine mine being jealous about me doing something nice for my children.
Does he feel a bit invisible? Do you both make time for each other?

zurala · 02/12/2023 17:48

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:42

Your husband is a dick. I appreciate why u have said this but he really isn't a dick. He's quite lovely and kind too. But he's very insecure I think and easily jealous

He is a dick. He's jealous of his own children. Why isn't he excited to see them too? He is so weird.

FairlySane · 02/12/2023 17:49

Would you not be equally excited and welcoming if you had adult daughters visiting ?
Is this exclusively because your adult children are male ?
I also have adult sons and an adult grandson and don’t quite get you and your husbands focus on gender.

SisterMichaelsHabit · 02/12/2023 17:49

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:42

Your husband is a dick. I appreciate why u have said this but he really isn't a dick. He's quite lovely and kind too. But he's very insecure I think and easily jealous

Jealous... of your relationship with your own children. His own children.
This is one of the most fucked up things I have ever read on Mumsnet and I wonder what else has happened that you minimise because you're deluded into thinking this is a lovely and kind man.

MrsNandortheRelentless · 02/12/2023 17:50

But the point is, he is being a dick to you with his snide cutting remarks.
Why is that ok? He needs to keep that shitty childish behaviour to himself.
Can you not discuss how it upsets you when he does it and that he must stop it?

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:51

Would you not be equally excited and welcoming if you had adult daughters visiting ?

Yes of course ii would be equally excited , its just that ii have 3 sons I dont have daughters

OP posts:

MissMarianHalcombe · 02/12/2023 17:51

I have a 24 year old that moved 3 hours away in April for his first professional job after finishing his Masters at Uni. We both love that he’s got a job he loves. My husband is driving down to collect him & back in one day to collect him for Xmas. He could get a train but my husband wants to fetch him because we both love having him home. They enjoy the journey together.
I find it very odd that your husband reacts in the way you describe. He’d get short shrift here if he behaved like that.

MintJulia · 02/12/2023 17:52

Doesn't he get excited to see his sons?

I can't imagine being indifferent to my ds, or not being excited if I hadn't seen him for a while.

Is your dh very self centred? Or just not very involved with his sons? Doesn't he have anything in common with them?

I think you are completely normal. He's sounds a bit cold and selfish. Sorry

Mummymummy89 · 02/12/2023 17:52

This is really odd and unreasonable of your husband. When we visit the in laws for example, it's both FIL and MIL that make a big fuss over us. I can't imagine it even crossing FIL's mind to be jealous, he's the one cooking pies in advance and making us hot breakfasts in the mornings.

Is your husband generally inhospitable of guests? I wonder if it's a resentment of having visitors at all (even though they're your own kids)

BetteDavisChin · 02/12/2023 17:53

My dh is like this too. He tries to make excuses why they shouldn't come and asks how long they'll be staying and can't wait for them to leave.
He also used to check that I hadn't dished up more food to my son than I had to him - looking from one plate to another, suspicious ly.
He goes down in my estimation a little bit every time.

TheKnittedCharacter · 02/12/2023 17:53

It’s a very odd reaction from your husband to his own kids!

I have sons and my husband practically slaughters a fattened calf when they visit. He also regularly sends them ‘care packages’ filled with their favourite foody treats.

Original poster

lovenotwar149 · 02/12/2023 17:56

I think he has issues because recently he made sarcastic comments about the 3 year old boy I look after from time to time. A neighbours son. I made the boy banana bread and he didn't like it

OP posts:

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