My brothers wife smashed a glass in his face last night!

[ROSEgarden]

due to his wife, we havent spoken in almost 3 years, she hates the realitionship we had, so had his hands tied behind his back with bribery(money!) and he made his descision..he took the money, left me!

i hear through my mum their relationship is not a good one and recently he asked my mum what to do..

early this morn, my mum rings, brother is in hospital been transfered from his local one as she threw(dont know how a throw can be THAT accurate?) a glass at his face..hes been in all night, had xrays etc and is now going into surgery at 2pm.
Ive rang him at hosp, after all regardless of what shes done to me hes still my brother and must be quite scared right now..he may lsoe the site in one of his eyes, he has to have invasive surgery to remove the glass..his biggest fear is hospital and eyes(used to wind him up by touching my eyeball as kids)..i asked practical things like were is car(so it didnt get clamped if at hosp) and what his work number was(so i could let them know whats happend), if he needed anything and told him regardless, im here for him if he ever needs me.

he's not a timid fellow so i know there could have been more to all this, but the fact is, hes in hosp and may lose his site because of this crazy, lunatic..but because ive been out of 'the loop' for 3 years i dont know what else i can do..im at work right now but have asked my mum to go buy him some comfy clothes(shorts t-shirt undies etc) for when she goes up when hes out of surgery..but i dont know what i can do?

they have two children who are with her i guess, hes worried if my mum says anything to her shell keep them away, but said thats it with her now so god knows what else has been happening?

by dp is impartial as he knows what my brother put me through and then chose her and disowned me so thinks im mad to be concerned and crazy when i said i would go see him at my mams(hes asked if he can stay with her when he gets out)

Things dont just wash away and im still very hurt but i see this now as the important thing, cant forget but have to move on(proably get kicked down again by him, hes like that)but i just want to do the right thing and let him know if will be ok...dont even know what im asking here, just cant talk to anyone in RL cos they either say im mad, they saw it coming or something..just needed to get it down i think..god families

Get him to phone SS and say he wants her out and him to stay in the house with the kids. All the time he is playing nicey with her, he is underminding his case, imo.

just hadwords with mum and told her SHE has to guide him, its ok her letting him stay but she cant bury her head in the sand and this is were he's got it from..he keeps saying he 'doesnt know' what to do re prosecuting her..i definatly belive she is telling him the kids will go into a home/hate him for sending thei mother to prison, when at the end of the day..she glassed their father, intentionally, walked away after doing it and said she was leaving..all the while her two babies were asleep upstairs unbeknown to the fact she had just blinded their father and was ready to walk out on them!

said to mum, he can speak to police/solicitor and ask them to be lenient reg jail as he had concerns for children, and said if in the unlikely event she DID go to jail he COULD either take time off work or leave and receive benefits until he could sort something out....theres always a way..its just shes working him, making out the children will be damaged if HE sends her to prison..fucking bitch

sorry..am so angry about it all cos i cant do feck all about it

this is really shocking. in what possible way is she an appropriate person to care for the children? woulkd anyone think it appropriate if genders were reversed? havent read all thread but followed it when this first happened so forgive me if im not up to speed but why doesnt db get legal advice / get injunction against her to protect himself and get her out of home and residence of dc's.... why cant he care for them with family / outside help?? and of course she should be prosecuted for what she's done. he can say in statement / evidence what his feelings are about her punishment but ultimately that will be for court to decide. is he aware she can be prosecuted even without his cooperation / against his wishes. she has committed a serious crime whatever her victims feelings are.

CFA, hi, the house was her parents, her family hom which they bought off them when parents moved to warden control kinda thing,the children go to local school and he wouldnt want the children 'disturbed' more than they already are by him no being there.
At the moment he cant look after himself, so right now he couldnt(well..i say that, if it was me, id just find a way to manage!?)look after them full time.
brother Is trying to keep things better for the children, but this also means, hes around her when he visits and is polite/civil to her so the children dont think anything is wrong..ive told my mum that hes got to get his head out of sand and do what needs to be done, these children will one day know what she did and will have no respect for him if he let her get away with it, who knows what she could do next and this people acted upon could prevent anything else.

i despair i really do, i know shes using the children as a bargaining tool, she did the same to get me out of his life, but as he know i hate her he will only think im being spiteful when in actual fact, im finding out facts and figures adn what WILL actually happen to try and help, not being a pathetic, ,lying, manipulative bitch who deserves everything she gets

CFA, did you see further down that shes a health visitor as well! who specialises in children and keeping families safe!

well that only makes it all the more shocking. i feel really sorry for you, you are in v unenviable position in all this. i dont know what more you can do though other than give the right messages through your mother. sorry if this sounds hard but he is enabling her behaviour by his actions / on the other hand he is of course a victim of serious domestic violence and as s uch there are all sorts of reasons why it is hard to act. there is an organisation to help male victimsof dv but cant nb the name... cab might know / google??
even if he cant see it he is failing to prioritise his children's welfare here. will be interesting to see what ss make of it all as i think you said they are involved?
what a mess.

Oh Rose, it's all sounds so horrible.

No advice just sending you strength

hi rose i have just read the majority of your post.......sorry that your torn at the moment, but you have done as much as you possibly can to make him see sense. in my honest opinion he would have pressed charges by now if he was going to, but he is his own person and nobody can make him grow a pair of bollocks and stand up to her and stop listening to her bullshit. You really need to focus on the fact that you could get hurt all over again so i definately think you're doing the right thing by keeping an emotional distance from him x i really hope things work out for the better for him

i think what's both distressing and difficult are the gender and cultural steretypes that make this v hard to see clearly. if this was a woman she would be viewed plainly as victim of terrible violence... no one would be telling her to "grow a pair of bollocks2 (obviously, but you know what i mean), no one would be saying pull yopur socks up love etc would they??

thanks all 3 of you there, Fawkeoff, thanks, i think thats why its been hard cos ive been trying my best 'not to get too involved' whilst desperatly 'trying to be involved' if that makes sense..i cans ee things clearly and no disprespect to my mum, but i know about things and if not(i come here) i know where to find it out..im not a sit back kind of person, im a do-er and this is definatly one of those times..its more sad because hes such abig and previously (with me anyway) hard faced bloke, but near her, god its scary he's totally under the thiumb and she ahs him right were she wants him.
CFA, i agree, they would have had him locked up already(nad im sure she wouldnt have thought twice about it either!)..i just hope the police WILL prosecute even if he cant summon the courage up to do it

let us know how you are / what happens won't you?
if it was me i'd be reporting the facts to her employer.... but that's just me

..ive already meantioned this and had my head bitten off by mum/aunty/cousin...im a CM and to me they SHOULD knwo what shes done, but iwas told in no uncertain terms its NOTANY OF MY BUSINESS!..my aunty said 'you shouldnt rock the boat' when i mentioned SS..to which i replied"if anyone of you had had the balls to contact ss when my mother , brother and grandad were getting beaten black and blue by my father, maybe he wouldnt have went on to abuse me for 9 years "!!!..to which she looked embarresed and said goodbye
Stupid ignorant people!

As ss are already involved, as are police would they not autopmatcially contact her employer given the circs?..i dont know who she works with for and no one will tel me either

oh and i will CFA, let you know what happens i mean, hopefully ill be abe to come abck on and say shes being punished, brother is no longer in pain, has come to terms and adjusted to one eye and is happily living in his own palce with joint custody of children

if she is a hv she is almost certainly be attached to a gp's practice mustn't she? bet her name is listed on their website. google her! or ask police outright whether they have duty to report / have reported? dont listen to those spineless rellys who so failed you when you were vulnerable.

oh and to top it all off(get your voilins out..my hair has started falling out..when im really upset stressed/worried i get re-occurent alopecia areata, so i now have 3 fab bald patches at the back of my head..still better than brothers situatuion, but even more 'not happy' with her as shes affecting my bloody folicles now

?? no googled their area, her name but nothing came up?..she may not be working in their area, may be out of town but 3 towns eitehr side so could be either one and cant find her lsited for them up to now either??

that really is adding insult to injury. you poor thing. really.

LOl, i know..no seriously it is a prb for me but i count my lucky stars its not as bad as brother then i realsie its just hair!

well then simply write to the seemingly appropriate health authority / whatever the professional body for health visitors is ansd set out the facts... anon if you like... just give them the details of the officer in charge of the case / sw involved so they can confirm truth for themselves...

i really would do that you know. really. how would anyone feel if they knew the hv handling their precious baby had done this and no one even knew about it????

Again , not suprised to hear about the abuse in your family. ONly a person brought up with abuse would put up with this kind of horrific abuse from a partner. Anyone else would have run a mile but your brother has been conditioned to think that it is normal or even worse that abuse=love.
I was like you Rosegarden, I was abused by my mother for many years and was shocked recently to find out that the whole family (mothers relatives) knew. Im so bitter that they could have stepped in and got social services involved but because they were scared of my mother and were all selfish gits anyway, they felt it was "none of their business".
Just do what you think is best. If you can look in the mirror every day and know that any decision you made was the right one then it really doesnt matter what your aunt and mother think. On the other hand, I really think that the machine of your toxic (sorry but its true) family is in motion and you are being set up by everyone to look like the bad guy in all of this. Yes its true! I can see it coming. Your aunt is already acting as though somehow <span class="italic">you</span> are being the unreasonable one. It wont be long before your mother follows suit and then (if not already) your brother. Maybe just protect yourself and stay away from this madness. But as you say, you would have wanted someone to step in to halt your abuse.
I wouldn`t be half suprised if she was somehow abusing the children. She obviously has no impulse control and can be very frightening.

ROSE ((((((((((huge hug)))))))))))))))
i really do feel for you, although my brother isnt with a violent woman, she is very manipulative and has caused trouble for me because i told him she was slagging about behind his backc.....the whole family knew, including my mum but i wasn't going to sit back and say nothing. she tried to turn it round on me and called me a liar..... he is still with her and i very rarely see him.
The fact of the matter is that even though you love him and he is your flesh and blood, you cant make him see sense and get away from this horrible woman.

TBH Rose this woman is not safe to be left in such a position of responsibility, if your brother does press charges she could be struck off & deservedly so.

So frustrating when you see history repeating itself re the family "minding their own business" while abuse happens. I can only sympathise with this terrible postion you are in but if your health/hair is suffering because of the stress then maybe you do need to take a step back & give loving, but distant, support.

sometimes when a man has beaten a woman and she is scared to press charges, the police build a case anyway. Can this not be the case here? She needs to be punished for what she did and your family need to stop being so bloody stupid saying it rocks the boat. A man is blind FFS for what she did!