My brothers wife smashed a glass in his face last night!

[ROSEgarden]

due to his wife, we havent spoken in almost 3 years, she hates the realitionship we had, so had his hands tied behind his back with bribery(money!) and he made his descision..he took the money, left me!

i hear through my mum their relationship is not a good one and recently he asked my mum what to do..

early this morn, my mum rings, brother is in hospital been transfered from his local one as she threw(dont know how a throw can be THAT accurate?) a glass at his face..hes been in all night, had xrays etc and is now going into surgery at 2pm.
Ive rang him at hosp, after all regardless of what shes done to me hes still my brother and must be quite scared right now..he may lsoe the site in one of his eyes, he has to have invasive surgery to remove the glass..his biggest fear is hospital and eyes(used to wind him up by touching my eyeball as kids)..i asked practical things like were is car(so it didnt get clamped if at hosp) and what his work number was(so i could let them know whats happend), if he needed anything and told him regardless, im here for him if he ever needs me.

he's not a timid fellow so i know there could have been more to all this, but the fact is, hes in hosp and may lose his site because of this crazy, lunatic..but because ive been out of 'the loop' for 3 years i dont know what else i can do..im at work right now but have asked my mum to go buy him some comfy clothes(shorts t-shirt undies etc) for when she goes up when hes out of surgery..but i dont know what i can do?

they have two children who are with her i guess, hes worried if my mum says anything to her shell keep them away, but said thats it with her now so god knows what else has been happening?

by dp is impartial as he knows what my brother put me through and then chose her and disowned me so thinks im mad to be concerned and crazy when i said i would go see him at my mams(hes asked if he can stay with her when he gets out)

Things dont just wash away and im still very hurt but i see this now as the important thing, cant forget but have to move on(proably get kicked down again by him, hes like that)but i just want to do the right thing and let him know if will be ok...dont even know what im asking here, just cant talk to anyone in RL cos they either say im mad, they saw it coming or something..just needed to get it down i think..god families

ill pass that on asap elenor, thankyou for the heads up..hes been to see them the last two nights with a friend(someone from work went with him as 'witness' kind of thing and id think will see them this weekend, i think the fact of what shes done and him staying away speaks volumes, but i see your point about him leaving..thanks again

I've been reading this and very shocked by things.

First things first:

Your brother needs to get her prosecuted ASAP. She has committed a VERY serious assault, he has lost the sight of his eye, his working life has been curtailed.

• she should be done for GBH at least. I would also look into criminal compensation board for his loss of eye and earnings etc.

• He also needs to GET THIS RECORDED AS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE as it is a DV issue now

• There is the children issue now. Whilst he is out of the house, his position is weaker as he is not in the matrimonial home and the current status quo is that mum is the primary carer.

Does your brother think it would be a good idea if he had residency? I think personally it would be a very good thing. He needs to be back in the house though and I would have thought that something like a non-molestation order, an occupancy order for the house and his soon-to-be-ex out of there. He should seek IMMEDIATE legal and police advice, as I would say that this is now a child-welfare issue as there has been a very serious assault on dad. I wonder if some sort of social service involvement may be in order?

My worry is that the court may not be too keen on sending mum to jail (where she should be) as "who is going to look after the children", thus giving her a suspended sentence, and still in the house with the kids.

Let us know how he gets on with mensaid and has he been in touch with/joined FNF?

(Elanor's partner btw)

hi Yerblurt..i passed on mensais and families need fathers last night and stressed the ugency of him sorting out arrangements re the children, i was told it was all underway now..good...then today i bumped into them...the two of them, with the children toy shopping

hi Yerblurt..i passed on mensaid and families need fathers last night and stressed the ugency of him sorting out arrangements re the children, i was told it was all underway now..good...then today i bumped into them...the two of them, with the children toy shopping..my dp quietly pulled me away before i realised, but when we came across them again i went over tapped him on shoulder and said hiya, you buying the kids sometihng..he was holding a dart board and said no, im looking for one of this so i can..and i said "perfect your aim"??..he said yeah, try and get my distance sorted..i sadi "ask her, shes spot on" and walked off..feel like such a fool now although it wasnt done secretly(my mum and my cousin knew they were taking the kids shopping as his son is a worryier and they were trying to be 'norma' how can you 'be normal' with someone who causes you so much pain both emotionally and physically???

Rose are you saying that you bumped into your brother and his wife, with the kids in tow?

i am Elenor!

Wow were you steaming Rose??

i felt like id been kicked in the stomach, i was shaking so much with adrenaline when i went up to him.
my mummaintains hes doing it to protect the children as to what really haooend!, but i told her in no uncertain terms that what i saw was worth an oscar if that was 'acting'..i also sai that as much as i care about him and want him to be ok, nothing has changed, he hasnt changed(he really hasnt, seeing him for few hours the other day showed me hes the same person who dumped me like a hot coal 4 years ago) yes hes had something terrible happen to him and it might get worse yet, but hes taking my mum for a fool and after seeing them together after this, ive put my barracades up agin..i stil said hello yesterday when i picked my mum up to come over and when i went i pecked him on cheek(which i felt soo two faced about), but im so confused..he was 'nice', not hostiile like in shop other day and was saying he was in lots of pain, like you DC say and you really want to help them and take thesuffering away, but then the other voice in my head was telling me to be practical, non emotional..i just dont know what to do or say, i feel very foolish.
Dp(uncle, cousin etc etc etc) think he will go back to her?? i just dont know after seeing them together, but i know ill be kicked in the stomach again if he does, shell say its me or his kids and obv ill be pushed out yet again..im so torn as i really want to give it my all and be there for him, help him, sort things out for him but now i just feel like i may be being made a mockery off by doing this

the arnica i spent so much time and effort over getting were left at hospital the same day i gave them to him, the clothes i helped mum pick out for him were taken back?..i know this is about him and i do so wish him better but feel like im stood spinning around at the minute not knowing what to do and what the consequences will be???

sorry..happend..bad spelling typing too fast hope you can catch the gyst?

and as much as he said he was prosecuting her, nothing else has been said?..does anyone know how quick this would be moving if he HAD give them the go ahead?

So difficult for you Rose but he is a grown man & has to make his own choices in life. All you can do you & your Mum is tell him you are there for him but you can't condone her violent actions even for the sake of (his)family harmony.

Hard for you to stand back & watch but it's all you CAN do

Never thought I'd be recommending this but have the SS been involved with the family?

ss and police have been making regular visits BB according to HER brother, dont know what is being done on these visits tho??

Just keeping a supervisory watch in them I suppose but really if she could do that to her DH aren't the kids at risk too?

At least you know there is some supervision there-difficult for you & your Mum though.

i do worry about the kids if she can do this to a grown man, 6ft something, muscly, theyre just little children

I am so sorry he lost his sight, Rose.

I also wondered if he has stayed in the fmaily home and gone out with the kids and wife, for the sake of the kids.

Do they know what mummy did to daddy?

Hi 3Nab, he hasnt gone back to their house, hes staying with my mum, she just took him out to buy the kids something(dont know that story) and hes said he wanted to keep things 'smooth' for the children..i dont know, one half of my heart is breaking for him and the pain hes in, the other is stone cold as i wonder if he might just slip back into his old life and 'forget' about it..for whatever reason???

SHE had told them He was working away!!!..THEN her mother and father took kids to see him at hosp, no idea what was said but i DO KNOW they dont know mummy glassed daddy and now he's blind in one eye..it will come out eventually, how are those poor kids gonna take that(ones 5 ones 7)

The whole situation is so sad, but Im not really suprised that hes gone back to her.
Why on earth did your mother think that she had to keep it from you that they were toy shopping? I mean, why didnT she come and tell you that "OMG, your brother is speaking to <span class="italic">her</span> again", but instead, she acted as though it was a perfectly normal thing for him to be toy shopping and that you, Rose, cant be told about this because you might do or say something rash!?!
Does your mother not realise that your brother has more than enough power to see his kids after all that has happened. I mean its not.
Well, you are the only one in your whole family who seems to want to make this abusive woman responsible and accountable for her actions. Everyone else wants to brush it under the carpet. Again, I`m not suprised.
Rose, honestly, you are the normal one in all of this, but it looks as though if you keep pushing your case, your brother may take the stance that you are stirring up trouble. As another person said, he is a grown man and has to make his own decision. I really feel for you though.

Is it really all for the kids or does he still want to be with her?

Is he worried if he doesn't stay friendly he will lose the kids and his house?

What is happening with her regarding the police?

So that someone could do this to another person. Not sensed any remorse from her through all this.

your right sakura, im backing off, he knows what needs to be done.

3NAb, in all honesty there has never 'really' been a strong loving relationship there, he always said he was scared of being left on the shelf and in the midst of deep chats he said he didnt love her he was with her as it was convenient then the kids came along and on went the shackles(only joking)

dont think hes botherd about house, just the kids as you would, but like sakura said why 'keep it from me'??..crazy, i havent been is his life for over 3 yrs mi not going to steam in and lay the law down, he IS a grown man!

No idea re police, i popping into mams after lunch on way to park, but not sure if he's there as work are leaning on him(only been there 3 weeks prior to this) so hes going back with someone shadowing him..ill ask about police if hes there, mum wont ask??
and no, although shes said shes sorry to him, the way it looks is as if shes lied and turned it around to say he goaded her into "smashing a glass then sticking it in his face!!!!..in hosp he DID say he KNOWS she meant it! it wasnt a split second thing it was intentional

WHATVEVER the provocation it takes some cold calcualtion to break a glass & do that amount of damage to someones eye- the woman is dangerous & he is a victim of DV & mental abuse as many a woman we see on here.

Because we expect men to be strong & capable poor chap has the added strain of being thought a wimp & the fear of losing his kids (you don't know what bullying tactics she's using to get him to stay)He has had the fight knocked out of him & cannot break free-it's somehow even sadder when it's a male DV victim don't know why-totally irrational but that's just me.

I just can not find the words.

Are the children safe with her?

Rose, sounds like your mam is trying to stay out of it, for what ever misguided reason. She probably doesn't want to upset him and row with him, because ultimately, he is her son and she just wants him to be happy. She won't get involved an a slanging match about her, because she's probably worried that if he does go back there, he won't talk to your mam again. She doesn't want that.

You, on the other hand, can be slightly more objectional, even though you are still a close relative, he's not your son, iykwim!

Keep on it, as much as you feel you can, but as soon as he starts upsetting you too much again, back off. Just leave it. Don't let dp say, 'told you so!' Remember you have your own family to take care of and as the old saying goes, 'you can lead a horse to water....' He is a grown man and I'm sure that anyone in an abusive relationship has their reasons for staying. Its not for us to question, at the end of the day.

Fingers crossed for a good outcome, as always.

thanks Guys, asked mum today about it and she said he oesnt want her to go to jail as the children will go in a home!!WTF!!!she has parents, hes there, she ahs brother..hmm wonder who is telling him things like thsi????

3NAB, i just dont know??, but i do know SS are on it so thats all we can do right now!

does anyone actually KNOW what can be done...can he 'request' because of the children that she not be sent to jail and other punishment be handed out??? adn what could/would that be??