Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

[HatsScarvesGloves]

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

The only single middle-aged men I know who are fit and like high culture are working class and they’d cringe at the idea they had to confirm to some class status to be appropriate dating fodder.

maybe your strict criteria and requirements is why you’re not finding anyone

Honestly I'm in a similar position and if you're serious about meeting someone you need to rethink. Your list sounds the same as it would have been 20 years ago but if you think about it, do you really need all those things now? For example, I'm open to meeting someone who doesn't have much money, provided they work hard (ie low salary) and don't take the piss. I can afford to pay for both of us and my child inherited from her deceased father so what am I saving it for really? Similarly I don't look for instant chemistry, I think it can grow over time. I've been on some great dates, often with people with a bit of a history, but then I come with my own baggage too. That's the reality of middle aged dating unless you look like Heidi Klum.

Agree about how it doesn't stop them being delusional! @Shivermetimbersmearty

Hmm. I don't generally like politicians. But I can see your thinking. A cause or a passion, or activism of some sort, maybe.

Yes, this. There are literally none of these men of this type of that age NOT looking for a young woman in her twenties.

Maybe you could tell OP where you met them.

Yes of course there are. You just need to go out as much as possible and meet friends of friends.
And no, not all middle aged men look for young 25s. Some do of course in the same way some women want to date much younger men (sex stamina). It’s a matter of personal taste and what they are looking for. But what I do see is that many men/women 40+ are getting divorced nowadays.
Personally I am usually approached by men 40-45. So it can’t be that they all look for much younger women.

I @Rania78 I agree these me aren't all out there trying to settle down with 25 year olds. From what I see they settle with women around their age. I live in a very middle class affluent area.

These guys can be quite a catch to some 20 somethings not yet ready to settle down. Good looking, six packs, experienced, charming, articulate, and...the money to wine and dine them that fellas their own age just don't have.
Sure, not someone you'd want to get married to, if you have any sense, but definitely can show you a good time for a while.
And there's plenty in it for the men.

I worked out quite quickly on OLD that any decent looking 50 year old with a decent profile who has 'wants a long term relationship' on their profile - if they're on there for more than a week, - no way do they want a LTR - they're lying, they'd have one by now.

There's lots of fit middle aged men at running club too, and a few are single. I agree with pps that a club might be the way to go.

I'd state the obvious and point out that someone might be traditionally middle class, by virtue of background, and have no money. I'd cast your net wider so to speak.

@StinkyWizzleteets I did say I was a bit of a snob in my OP! I suppose I should have just said 'cultured' and 'well off' without the class reference. But on the other hand I'm old enough to know my 'type', and he's invariably middle class (but not Tory). And the reason I haven't met him yet is because I've been getting over the loss of my lovely, cultured, middle class DH!

And I also agree about meeting friends of friends etc that's how it used to be done back in the day.

I seem to remember a lot of people meeting their future husbands whilst on holiday etc.

It's so much better meeting people in the real world.

IDk maybe here? No idea who else would use it.
https://dating.classicfm.co.uk/s/?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA04arBhAkEiwAuNOsItZtmuHzz6El2x1ez9XFkq2yFYICqaN_SNvL-9ZXNU286iBUa-AzbRoCcAUQAvD_BwE

This has to have been posted by a man

Forgive me if I'm wrong

@HatsScarvesGloves I wouldn't apologise for your preferences. You're allowed to like what you like. It's weird if someone E takes offence to that.

Offense

Lol, no @lordofcou
Honestly, with the benefit of hindsight, I wish I'd had a few month fling with a silver fox in my twenties!!

I'm mid forties and officially met my partner (admittedly younger than me but late 30s) on Bumble. I say officially as that's where we began dating from, but I'd met him several times over the previous couple of years as I used to teach his son.

We both felt a connection then, but you can't exactly ask for someone's number at parents' evening! Luckily one day he was there on Bumble, we went for a drink that night and have been together ever since.

He's cultured, intelligent and into the arts. Not rich but neither am I, he enjoys the finer things in life as do I and we manage quite well.

No we would scream and run away at men who creeped on us who were that age group. It was nauseating and we would be genuinely frightened!

There were quite a few on the Guardian dating site back when it existed. There doesn't seem to be a middle class, middle-aged dating site any more.

There are probably loads because (a) people are just getting divorced around that age and (b) men who fit that description tend, in my experience, to believe they're unique in their emotional attunement and sensitivity, unusually averse to traditional "masculinity," and then equate this with being unattractive to women, so are scared of dating.

(Actually they just want a mother figure and it's annoying, but it does mean there are loads of them. )

(And yes, I got together with one in my mid 40s!) 😆

Bumble, Match, probably others...

same....

I met my husband (divorced, early fifties) in a creative writing group. We spent a good couple of years just hanging out as friends, going to theatre/gigs/cinema, out for dinner etc. together (just us and with others from the group) before it became romantic.

I was coming here to suggest the Guardian dating site, didn’t realise it was defunct!

Oh also, joining the Ramblers used to be the main method of meeting such. :)