Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

[HatsScarvesGloves]

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

Where did I(or anyone else for that fact) compare myself to Tom Cruise? I am half his age for one, and not a weirdo Scientologist so I bet you will be in denial to say you aren't feeling silly for drumming up this opinion out of your brain just to throw in a little comment in this thread.

x As you were x

I didn't say you had explicitly said that @NosamLDN and I was agreeing with @RantyAnty and still do. Try reading their post again.

You're the person who gave a silly example earlier in the thread, and I'm sure you said you were leaving since then. Mumsnet relationship section must be compelling for you for some reason...

Compelling indeed, the same reason you are here surely.👌

If someone quotes me, it's only right I respond. Thank you for confirming that I did not explicitly say that .

x as you were x

Christ on a bike. All the women I know at fifty look pretty amazing and are giving up a lot of stuff like booze and late nights to ward off menopause symptoms.

The men are ok-ish as they are exercising, but not abstaining. Which means they end up paunchy and a bit bloody haggard. And in many cases bald.

@Flobbyblob men seem to loose their teeth or have bad teeth issues from around 40 onwards too. Women I know are quite paranoid about these things and get hygienist appointments and regularly do dentist appointments. I've decided that only one of my friends has a husband I find vaguely attractive. Out of about 30 female friends over 40 that's no great shakes and I've had a few days to consider this carefully. He has issues with snoring and general back problems, so I'm aware I am not having to deal with these IRL too.

Compelling indeed, the same reason you are here surely.👌

I sincerely doubt it. I'm not a man as you are. I use the whole of Mumsnet, too, not just relationship section and dating threads.

You see, this isn’t my experience at all.

The vast majority of my friends’ husbands (who range from early 40s to mid-50s) are physically fit, play team sports, cycle for miles or run. They’re not overweight, seem to look after their dental hygiene and are generally looking after themselves.

I would say they fall into the ‘middle class’ category - but they’re definitely not going to the ballet.

I’m a woman but I think middle aged men are getting a hard rap on this thread!

I dunno, i know more over weight and unfit women than i do men but generally I dont think one women or men age better or worse than each other

I can only speak from my own experience but a lot of divorced women my age (55) get a second youth once they’re single. My circle are very social, well groomed, make a real effort with appearance etc. Whereas the same age men we see out or on dating sites look older and like they’ve let themselves go a lot more.

My experience of dating apps is the men in their 50’s were not an appealing bunch.

Some of the wives of the men I know are 40’s and older and have been to the butlins 80 weekends, they look a right haggard old state, definitely not attractive

I think that’s a general friendship thing, people gravitate towards the like minded,, so your friends are well groomed as you will be.

lots of 50 something women on dating sites are not , same for the high street of most towns outside of London/ Manchester

The men are ok-ish as they are exercising, but not abstaining. Which means they end up paunchy and a bit bloody haggard. And in many cases bald.

What does not abstaining have to do with baldness? I thought it was genetic/hereditary.

Samw, when i was going old there were plenty of 45-55 year women who looked great in photos and in the flesh. There were an equal number who looked old, fat and haggard
There are without question plenty of fat haggard men out there too

Middleclass people of both sexes age better than working class as they tend to be sporty, slim and their teeth are better due to no smoking and having money for private dental work.

They are mutually exclusive points.

I meant they are still drinking pints and bottles of wine like they are 30 and eating UPFs if left to their own devices.

And, they are bald.

That’s it.

I think this is true on dating sites...in my friendship group the men definitely have the edge over their wives.

Not sure about the sporty bit, by mid 50s those who weren't sporty when they were in their 40s haven't taken it up...

Absolutely my experience too. I am single and look at guys of my age and even the ‘attractive’ ones who are fit with their own teeth and hair don’t appeal!

I also imagine what it would like dating one or two of the ones I do think handsome and then imagine waking up next to them in the morning or being kept awake with their snoring and I’m like ‘nah’!!

to me they stop being datable at 30 😂

With other middle class, middle aged men. sorry, not sorry.

to me they stop being datable at 30

to be fair, I think lots of men think exactly the same about women

My father is single in his late 50s. (I'm am an early child he had 3 marriages after my mum.)
Well about a year ago my son helped him to register at Tinder. I couldn't believe how successful he became, I think at one point he had a date once a week. I sometimes look at the women he is chatting most of them are younger then me (I am 36). And I could understand why. He is funny, very knowledgeable, knows a tonne of real life stories. I alway like to have him around so I believe many women my age would also.

Can't you filter people out by age on Tinder? I am in my late 30s and I wouldn't be interested in someone nearly 60 if I was ever looking to date.

Yes you can filter by age and location. I don’t blame you, I’m 55 and the majority of men online are pretty grim tbh.

Thanks. I was told Tinder was to be avoided anyway. It all sounds grim though.

It was a joke, but yes I agree and it doesn’t bother me one bit if someone wouldn’t date me coz I’m 50.

Funnily enough, however, I get far more attention and men flirting and staring at me now than I did when I was 25.