Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

[HatsScarvesGloves]

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

Is that a thing? Sounds perfect!

So, I found one two years ago. Exactly as you describe. We matched, immediately chatted and went out for a date the next day. I was his first chat, his first date, he was my 30th (ish) date, 1000th ish chat. We went out for 4 months and whilst it was fabulous fun, (champagne in Paris on date 6 anyone?) it was clear we weren't that compatible. Ended. Np. Anyway, I went back online about a week later, him 2 weeks. His profile was up for 1 day. I know from friends he met someone immediately again, his second date (very very glamorous, ski-er, oxford Uni, 40s, beautiful) and he is still with her 2 years later (now).

Anyway, my point is you have to be very lucky. If I had not have been online that particular day, he would have been gone. There are so so few of them, and thousands of gorgeous fabulous women looking for them.

Interestingly, his first wife who had an affair which was the reason they split, is now absolutely gutted, now she's realised how few of him left there are.

That is a very interesting idea. They sound great!

Meetups walking group.I am married to one of these mythical men. He was a child free widower when I met him. He and I are part of a walking group near the Malverns. We walk twice a week. Everyone is a middle class professional. Two of the men are widowers. Others are divorced. We go to the theatre, ballet etc. Have a look on the meetups website for groups in your area.

I met one. On bumble. First day he was on it so keep looking. (Was not my first day…) He’s lovely- educated, cultured, funny, decent. Not without ex/kids complications but hope he’s a keeper! 18 months in now 😊 and we are both 50. So it’s not impossible at all.

It might not be the type you are looking for, but it’s what you’ll find! The pool really narrows past 40 ( probably more like 30 actually) so all the best ones are taken.

as someone said, you’re unicorn hunting!

There’s another thread on here about men posting wanting ‘sexual chemistry’ - that will give you the idea of the calibre of middle aged men who are OLD. There are far more ‘good’ women than men sadly.

it’s not impossible though!

I met my DH on bumble and he’s a lovely guy and is cultured, middle aged, middle class, but he’s very driven with his work, so works crazy hours ( that’s why he was single- married to his job- also bit of commitment phobe!)

most of the apps work on proximity, so if you live in an middle class area with lots of theatres etc, then you are likely to match with similar. ( try switching on bumble while you’re at the theatre for example!)

When I was in my 20s, there is no way I would have dated someone in their 40s. We would have had nothing in common.
I don't buy this 'they're all dating 25 year olds' thing.
Far more likely is the 'cycling holidays, rugby matches' answer.

I have met quite a few divorced middle aged men lately around 43-50. Interesting, cute, good careers, good conversationalists. I am 45 and flirted me quite a lot. I am married though (in my defence I did state it and I was wearing my wedding ring) so wouldn’t do anything. In my experience it depends what they are looking for.
if they are looking for a shag maybe they will only look for a younger one
If they want companionship and good sex then they will around their age, especially If they have children from previous marriage
if they want to restart family they will probably look for someone up to 38.

There are many middle aged single, divorced or (sadly) widowed men and women out there. You just need to go out and meet as many as possible and give them a chance. Don’t look for someone that ticks every single box.

He sounds like a catch, and got snapped up. Clearly timing is key. What site were you on?

Try elite singles as a possible port of call. That being said, can't be that difficult to find a guy forties and up, reasonably opulent lifestyle, decent amount of cash available to share, cultured hobbies, no attachments, and looking for similar. It will just be finding the demographic and the destination.

OP didn't say they didn't. MC is part of the checklist, she also wants someone with a bit of money. Perhaps OP is MC herself and wants someone similar

Yes it exists, I’ve only heard the adverts on the radio but sounds like the demographic you’re after. Good luck!

@Rania78 So they are out there... Where were they please?

God, I sound desperate. I'm really not. I just want to be efficient and narrow down the likely turf of this unicorn!

You're basically describing my FIL. He was widowed in his mid- 40s. He attended a local charity event that his (now) wife's friend organised when in his early 50s. He was one of three men her friend introduced her to that night. He was unaware of why the friend introduced them and was dressed in his cycling Lycra. She wrote him off as a disinterested man in lycra but he asked the friend for her number and invited her to dinner a week later. They've been together for over 10 years now and are very happily married. She's learned to look past the MAMIL side of his personality. My DH (and I) love her to bits.

They might want to but realistically no.
Unless they're very wealthy.

Bizarrely op, it was plenty of fish. Bizarre because POF is renowned for being pretty lower end. But - POF is a strange one because whilst it is 99 % full of absolute dross, it is also where I met the only 3 decent men I met when I could be arsed to date a few years ago. Because it's sorted by proximity, it excludes the married men, who are rife on tinder and bumble, as they could be spotted easier.

Dating twenty year olds apparently

Badly, too

I've just said as much. I agree.

@arethereanyleftatall sums it up. Funnily enough I went online to look at bumble after seeing your post and found an interesting review.

It’s from a widowed guy with 4 kids, clearly very lovely and intelligent- he says he was online for 4 hours before meeting a lovely woman. They are still together.

as pps have said - it’s all about timing. You’ve got to be on when they put the profile up!!

I’m not convinced they exist I’m afraid. Or there are a bout 1 to 1 billion decent single women on their wavelength. Wish I was a lesbian sometimes!! Iv given up. Good luck!

@AngelinaFibres This sounds brilliant. I like walking, and chatting, and new people generally.

Yes, I’ve been observing with amusement a recently divorced friend — he’s a good-looking architect in his late 40s who has his own practice and a fair bit of money, and the women his friends are introducing him to are all under 30.

@lordofcou and @thecatfromjapan I know what you mean. I’d never have considered it in my 20’s, but it does happens and it doesn’t stop these guys being delusional.

also, if you are looking at guys mid 40’s to 50’s many of them are looking for younger, so its thirties.

I think 20 somethings won’t go near, but disillusioned women in early to mid 30’s who want kids, but are sick of men their own age will certainly look at older guys. They just don’t realise that most blokes don’t improve with age!

Seriously this is your way to go. Very, very middle class, no pressure to date, you just walk and chat. I've lost 5.4 kgs as well so what's not to like.

What about where politicians hang out?