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Original poster

Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

444 replies

HatsScarvesGloves · 25/11/2023 19:09

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 01/12/2023 00:06

Tulipsroses · 30/11/2023 20:18

My father is single in his late 50s. (I'm am an early child he had 3 marriages after my mum.)
Well about a year ago my son helped him to register at Tinder. I couldn't believe how successful he became, I think at one point he had a date once a week. I sometimes look at the women he is chatting most of them are younger then me (I am 36). And I could understand why. He is funny, very knowledgeable, knows a tonne of real life stories. I alway like to have him around so I believe many women my age would also.

Gross. I wouldn't be talking to my dad if he did that.

homeiswhereyouparkit · 01/12/2023 09:26

Just been sent this link by my daughter.

We are around......

Middle class, good career, no debt, reasonably fit, own hair and teeth, few saggy bits with a wide social circle. However, not really interested in dating. Very happy single and enjoying me time having spent the last 12 years being the sole parent to 2 daughters who have now flown the nest.

Like a lot of women on this thread, I think there is nothing wrong with being single (despite my daughters insisting that I try and date). Any relationship requires compromise and at my stage in life I'd prefer to not to do so, but focus on myself for now.

I know of 2 colleagues that are in a similar boat.

Best of luck to every one trying to find the one though.

Crikeyalmighty · 01/12/2023 13:42

@homeiswhereyouparkit I don't blame you either!! And I'm female

harerunner · 01/12/2023 16:50

@Disturbia81

Gross. I wouldn't be talking to my dad if he did that.

Why is he gross? He's just having a great dating life!

And not only gross, but so gross you'd go NC? What's the matter with you?

hrem · 01/12/2023 23:13

harerunner · 01/12/2023 16:50

@Disturbia81

Gross. I wouldn't be talking to my dad if he did that.

Why is he gross? He's just having a great dating life!

And not only gross, but so gross you'd go NC? What's the matter with you?

I agree with @Disturbia81 that's it's distasteful. He's nearly 60 messaging women younger than his daughter, in their early 30s, nearly half his age. Obviously not successful either if he's still single.

harerunner · 01/12/2023 23:18

@hrem

I agree with @Disturbia81 that's it's distasteful. He's nearly 60 messaging women younger than his daughter, in their early 30s, nearly half his age. Obviously not successful either if he's still single.

These women in their 30s are adults, and are choosing to match and date this man... You might not want to date an older man, and find the idea distasteful, but it's their choice. Adults should be able to date who they please with no shame... and certainly without fear of being ostracised by their family!

MorrisZapp · 01/12/2023 23:49

I've never understood it. Surely there must be as many middle class men as there are women. Where the fuck are they?

If the class thing sounds offensive, scrap it. I'm clever, well read, articulate, funny, interesting job etc. So are all my friends. Not one of us has found a man who reads, or who talks deeply about the news or whatever like we do.

It's the eternal conundrum.

LaurieStrode · 02/12/2023 00:20

MorrisZapp · 01/12/2023 23:49

I've never understood it. Surely there must be as many middle class men as there are women. Where the fuck are they?

If the class thing sounds offensive, scrap it. I'm clever, well read, articulate, funny, interesting job etc. So are all my friends. Not one of us has found a man who reads, or who talks deeply about the news or whatever like we do.

It's the eternal conundrum.

They don't have to. Because no matter how low down a man is, there is always a woman somewhere who will give him sex, housekeeping, money and children.

Look at all the adverts featuring attractive women ameliorating things for Onslo type men. Men are conditioned to think that no matter how slovenly, indifferent and vile they are, they deserve a fit, trim, pretty, competent woman. So why should they make an effort?

You never seen an advert with an obese, stringy-haired, ditzy and plain woman being lovingly indulged or supported by a movie-star handsome man, do you now?

hrem · 02/12/2023 00:39

Adults should be able to date who they please with no shame...

Sorry I disagree. Messaging women half their age, nearly 30 years younger, is going to attract criticism. He's still single which I think speaks volumes.

Hellenabe · 02/12/2023 02:35

@harerunner I think the story here is dad has been married here three times already so must have a charm about him which he then uses to chat to women around his daughter's age or younger. It doesn't really paint a good picture of someone.

Ibizafun · 02/12/2023 02:55

Op my dh is has all those attributes.. his ex had an affair and didn't appreciate him. I was lucky to be I. The right place (online) at the right time.

You're half way there as you are very clear in your mind about what you're looking for, so won't waste time with the wrong people. It helps if you have similar married friends who may have one of their crowd getting divorced. I know people who've met lovely guys just walking their dogs (if you have one) in parks.

whyamiawakestill · 02/12/2023 02:58

If I'm ever single, late 40s i said to my DH I'm just driving around in our Landrover defender with the winch and chunky wheels.

Everyone waves great community all the landie men are cute and smile lots and most are farmers or rugged outdoor types. Who maybe like the more cultured side of life.

The hunts, shoots and countryside types maybe potential if you get bored of the city ones?

Hellenabe · 02/12/2023 03:24

@HatsScarvesGloves I'd say all of those are gay, married already or newly separated and wanting to have fun. How about meeting at work or friends of friends or doing some sort of sporty stuff like rowing? Tennis holidays but expensive ones?

TBH out of my straight married friends, none of the male counterparts are into all that yet the women are. They are nice guys though probably not fanciable superficially and no danger of their gaze being turned. Those of us who had hot partners and split, those men found partners within days. My ex deserves a mention as he was terribly abusive yet women gravitated to him as he was handsome and talked the right talk.

NearlyMonday · 02/12/2023 09:15

whyamiawakestill · 02/12/2023 02:58

If I'm ever single, late 40s i said to my DH I'm just driving around in our Landrover defender with the winch and chunky wheels.

Everyone waves great community all the landie men are cute and smile lots and most are farmers or rugged outdoor types. Who maybe like the more cultured side of life.

The hunts, shoots and countryside types maybe potential if you get bored of the city ones?

Yes!!!! I also have a defender with a winch and toe rope, I just need to learn how to attach it all. And it’s definitely a conversation-starter.

Disturbia81 · 02/12/2023 15:07

harerunner · 01/12/2023 16:50

@Disturbia81

Gross. I wouldn't be talking to my dad if he did that.

Why is he gross? He's just having a great dating life!

And not only gross, but so gross you'd go NC? What's the matter with you?

What's the matter with you?
I wouldn't be able to look at him, knowing he finds women younger than me attractive. He should feel fatherly towards them.
What's wrong with women his own age?
It's just so grim and finally society is slowly turning

Disturbia81 · 02/12/2023 15:09

@hrem Thanks I thought I was going mad there.
Thankfully don't see this in my everyday life, men are with women their own age

beAsensible1 · 02/12/2023 15:11

The personals in the London review of books, guardian dating etc etc

beAsensible1 · 02/12/2023 15:14

All the men I know who are like that are my friends from uni or college.

I’ve never met one in the wild

pockledigg · 03/12/2023 11:28

Look out for local groups, such as walking groups, or choirs (often found on Facebook). I'm a member of a walking group and a choir. The choir is mainly female, but the walking group is 50/50. Several men attend the walks alone - they seem reasonably 'cultured'.

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