Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

[HatsScarvesGloves]

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

"but as you know, most women on average, age quicker"

If you hadn't already outed yourself as male, this would have given it away immediately.

Men and women age at exactly the same rate. Time does not operate differently depending on your gender. The only difference is that women tend to be far more realistic and take care of themselves much better as they age. I see attractive, stylish women in their 40s, 50s, and well above every day. Sadly, I rarely see similarly aged men about whom I could say the same. Men are incredibly delusional, really. Young women do not fancy men in their 40s. I know this because I used to be a young woman.

Of course you would just to sexism and deny facts.
For educational purposes as facts do not care about your feelings: women's levels of the estrogen hormone commence to decline much earlier and much more rapidly than men's levels of testosterone hormone do. Quick decline in hormone levels is the reason that men seem to age much more slowly than wom

Further read for you : www.verywellhealth.com/is-aging-different-for-men-and-women-2224332

Without wishing to make this sound like an interview...I have met some very nice men your age but and it's a big but they have often left long marriages because they basically thought "is this it?" and they really lack commitment in their new relationships, I don't mean buying a home together or moving in etc but they seem to want to squish a relationship in the gaps in their existing life, which is fine at the start but it doesn't seem to develop...

Honestly OP,
put yourself in the handsome, straight, rich man, 50s, eligible shoes for a second. Wtf would he want to encumber himself with someone who was after his looks or his money or his eligibility (I.e. bragging rights to HER friends) or judging him with new threads on mumsnet (all negative and with typical mysandry) and on the lookout for illusory "red flags".

He's going to be guarded at best at around 50 yo & probably damaged if divorced or frail if bereaved & he really doesn't want to fit into your Fernando ideal (do you hear the drums) & genuinely doesn't want a 25 yo nymphomaniac (except in his wildest fantasy) cos THERE IS NO CONNECTION & he doesn't want more kids nor frankly someone else's grabby kids if he is already looking out for his own kids inheritance....cos he knows his own kids can be unaccepting too...and that's just more sh!t

Best thing you could do is be yourself 50+...whatever, interesting, smart, good convo, likes a glass of red, doesn't want anything off him beyond companionship and mutual enjoyment.

If you let them know this through OLD, clubs etc he will respect you as you are ....but your eyes (windows to the soul) will give you away

But never stop being yourself & Let it all grow naturally and it might just turn into something deep & special

"Educational purposes" eh?

Thank god a bloke turned up to let all us 'wom' know that hot young chicks are gagging for middle aged blokes with jowls and nasal hairs.

That is just rubbish. I look around and women look so much better as they age and I'm a straight woman.
It's very rare to see an attractive older man.

Older man who want young women are pathetic and to be avoided.
Young women who go after the money are pathetic.

All this talk doesn't correlate with what I see in life anyway.. I know a lot of people.. men are with women their own age, be it their 1st or 3rd marriage

Twisting my words ,confusing facts and sexism. Running to false accusations is always the way when one does not have a rational counterargument.

I have a child with a woman 10 years my senior, have dated older and younger etc . So staying on topic, I was just stating the most common scenarios in the dating world but hey, I put your knickers in a bunch somehow, apologies.

Couldn't agree more actually but to be honest, I myself in my mid 30s I have seen men in their 40s or 50s looking fit and well taken care of ,and on the other hand ,have seen women who are in their 20s after two kids or so looking worse than some 40 something old women(atleast they have an excuse I guess ) .

If I had much of an option always , I would stick with my own age (have done so with last two relationships and it works better), 3 years -/+ either side of my age.

Tell me where I've said I'm 'after' anyone's looks, money or eligibility. I would like someone to go to the theatre with 🤷‍♀️.

Also, I'm bereaved myself (though not 'frail'!) so I have no idea what you mean by that comment. I could hardly expect a potential date/lover/partner not to have baggage, if that's what you meant. I am, however, quite intelligent, fairly comfortably off and reasonably attractive, so of course I'd like to meet someone who is a match for me in those areas. That's hardly controversial.

If you're going to be critical of posters it might be a good idea to read their posts more closely 🙄🙄🙄. Do my eyes give me away?

I would second the recommendation of WAY - it isn't specifically for dating at all - but in the local group that I joined, there are now 4 married couples where both husband and wife were both members. Even if there's nobody in the group you are attracted to, it's a great way to meet lots of people who totally understand your situation, and hopefully lots of people with very varied interests who may be up for trying out hobbies / outings with you where you may bump into more suitable matches. Good luck! x

🤣 Very accurate.

I wish the men, (and there’s several on this thread bloody derailing it with their delusions of how they’re desirable to women half their age), would odfod away and let us discuss topics like dating in peace. They’re not all over the recipe or general discussion threads like this, that’s for sure.

Goodness, sounds like my old batshit builder has joined the thread. I don't think anyone on here has mentioned inheritance or grabby kids, but if you want to project a little, feel free!

Can you imagine being on a date with someone who spoke like these last two characters? @WitheringTights000 these are the phrases and underlying attitude you want to watch like a hawk for on your date. See what he offers you and what he (may) feel you could take from him. Ask questions and you can't go far wrong - men like this can't keep their opinions of women in for too long. You want to be able to see he recognises what happened in his last relationship and has worked on himself a bit. If he hasn't he won't be after anything serious and will likely repeat the same mistakes. You'll be fine.

I've also never realised the term "mutual enjoyment" had the power to make me feel so physically sick

We just drifted apart so it wasn't "Is this it?" for me.. More afterwards I had a period where I could try and understand where I made mistakes and hopefully not repeat them.

I think it's true about, initially filling in the existing gaps in your life as you do get used to doing your own thing. In my case those gaps include having someone to concerts, theatres, galleries and on holidays with so think there is enough space for a new relationship

I'm not sure who they're trying to convince more; their old saggy selves or women?

Men absolutely do NOT get better looking with age. They look more and more like crypt keepers the older they get.

when they're starting from “0”, you really have no choice but to get better as you age. But, seriously, it’s like a difference between a “0” and a “2” on a 10-point scale.

Delusional

Young women do not fancy men in their 40s. I know this because I used to be a young woman.

So true @IcedPurple

We can't generalise, some do ,some don't . Go watch Top gun (original ) and look how Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis aged in comparison. I have give examples also of man who aged very badly compared to their women , it all depends on genetics most times I think.

Shame most views by a man are automatically regarded as sexism(I get it, it's mumsnet )

Tom has had work done and kept weight off. Kelly hasn’t. Nothing to do with man vs woman. Now go look at Jack Nicholson.

Young women do not fancy men in their 40s. I know this because I used to be a young woman
I think young women fancy “some” men in their 40s. Usually those who are handsome and fit, professional and relatively wealthy, with no kids hanging around.

I literally pointed out that I can give examples on both genders , Jack? You just proved my point then, I just said this ,most here are trying to say all man age badly when it's sometimes to gobut some done (Tom, work or not, he is in shape ).

Unwatching this thread now , it's becoming silly when people are proving my point yet debating it

Yes giving an example of a multi millionaire who’s entire career is appearance based as compared to the men on Ourtime definitely proves beyond doubt men age better 😀

A glance at any dating app will show you 100’s of men who look 10+ years older than women the same age.

As a 50+ woman my single friends and I have pretty much given up now as there really are very few suitable men our age out there. And yes the age delusion does continue.

Im mid 50’s and have had many messages from men in their 70’s thinking we would be a match 🤷‍♀️

@WitheringTights000 unfortunately there is another thread where it looks like a DH has been having an affair with a younger childless woman, leaving his wife and 4 young DC - these are the feckless men you need to avoid

It puzzles me why people in their 70s think they’d be a match with anyone. They probably only have a couple of years left to live. No point starting a relationship really! Maybe a similar age person might be willing to have a brief companionship, but a 50-something who’s still working and has decades left isn’t going to get involved in end-of-life care for a complete stranger. Unless he’s rich and plans to leave her a load of money!

I also think a biggie is a lot of single/widowed/divorced women of say 48 plus and the kind that lots of men would fancy won't take any shit -and often want to keep plenty of independency after a taste of it, whereas some older men want that too- but mainly for themselves.

I’m not sure if it has been mentioned anywhere else, but the sad truth is that any decent ones are likely to be widowers. Through sad circumstances these men are also likely to have some understanding of what it takes to manage a home and kids, and are therefore more likely to make good life partners who share the burdens of running a house. No doubt there will be examples where this is untrue, but that is my experience.