Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

[HatsScarvesGloves]

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

@WitheringTights000

you can get a fake Monaco phone number if you spend 3 seconds on Google.

I hope I'm very cynical and wrong and you're happily sunning yourself on a yacht in a tax haven for Xmas .

But I think the whole "dropping hints about his wealth" and then going for someone well out of his social group is a bit weird

(the whole "living in two places" thing often is a cover story for someone attached and looking for a woman in every port. Super-wealthy people can be very protective of their wealth, so are wary with outsiders).

If you do meet up and hit it off, I wouldn't rush into anything until you've got more of a feel for him, actually seen his Monaco home environment, met others he knows well etc. Don't have him back to yours and all that.

That is the thing, you are just young enough, for now, but as you know, most women on average, age quicker so one has to ask herself, he is going for over 10 years younger, what happens when I am 40. Just a thought

You'll drive yourself mad thinking like that, fretting with anxiety that he'll find you too old even when you're over decade younger! How do you the vast majority of women manage who are much closer in age to their man!

@CupOfNaff - I didn't know you could get a fake Monaco number but thank you for making me aware of that

The prefix at the start of the number though is the international code for France- surely that can't be fake?!

Haha I hope you are wrong also!

But yes I should be cautious. He has sent me pictures/videos of himself in Monaco M, yet one of the photos of himself he actually deleted- you know the way on a what's app chat you can delete a message sent up to an hour afterwards?

I did think it's slightly odd, given he wants to go for dinner anyways, if we go for dinner I will obviously have seen him in the flesh/know what he looks like, so why delete a photo of himself?!

The more I think of it the more I think....hmm that is odd?

And yes I certainly wouldn't be having him round, would be meeting him in the city , lots of people around etc.

I got jumped on- on here, for actually daring to suggest suggest this particular later 40s man actually would ideally be looking for a 10yr younger woman so mid 30s ish, I should only want anyone of my actual age apparently!

I was actually in Monaco for work last wk, not me you are messaging though! I'm not OLD.

In Scotland this week, ha but if I was gay I'd be massaging the mountain biking & climbing guy! we have stuff in common it seems, but are straight.

+377 For Monaco, but +33 For France

is also another country with a mobile network that's 377 Liberia?

@CallmePaul - thanks for your message. Yes from this thread I was starting to worry I was too old for him haha.....

Yea so the first 4 digits of the phone number are +3377.....so I assume that's Monaco?

So he has to be telling the truth about that part right?

Ps just googled it as I wasn't sure, yes +377 is also Lonestar cell network in Liberia

@CallmePaul - no the number is +3377, two three's at the start of the number, so it must be France? And then the 77 is Monaco?

@CallmePaul - and as you are someone who works in Monaco....does that sound reasonable enough that someone would split their time between there and another location?

I'm confusing myself now!

A regular landline on Monaco is +377 even if you are calling the other side of the street that's in France & 10 feet away you need to call it internationally so 0033

The 337 you are seeing looks to me like a regular French mobile number, they start 06 or 07 nothing amiss in that I don't think is a specific Monaco mobile network, is tiny place as you wander about you slip into France & don't realise, I was actually at the Monte Carlo Country club but it's actaully in France, only a couple of hundred metres in but still France

@CallmePaul - ahhh right okay, seems to be a French number then! I can't hold that against him to be fair haha....

I'm just hoping he doesn't have a secret family over there.

You weren’t jumped on, you were asked why a partner needed to be ten years younger and what was wrong with women your own age. From memory you never came up with a reason, from which one can only assume it’s not for reasons that you think would go down well on mumsnet 😂

20/30 year old women (speaking as one) do not typically want 40+ blokes unless they are stonkingly rich/handsome or the woman in question is not able to attract a half decent bloke in her age range.

I wouldn't say I work there, that's a stretch, just I was there for work, I'm just as likely as likely to have been as per last few months in Switzerland, Greece, Italy, Sweden etc, I'm Dublin next wk not as exotic!

Anyway if he actually has a place in Monaco yes is quite serious wealth for that, property pricing is utterly mental due to the tax breaks, but I stayed at a place where my hotel side of the street was France, but the other side was Monaco, its very bizarre, & property is very very differently priced 20 feet apart!

To answer your question, yes that's very normal to have property & business all over the place, the guy I was there for work for there for has places in Monaco, London, NYC, Bahamas, Switzerland etc.

I've no idea obviously if your guy is legitimate etc but even legitimate Monaco businessman have a bit of sleeze about them! just so much money involved to be in that sphere, millions & billions.

Somerset Maugham described Monaco as a “sunny place for shady people” it's very apt ;)

@CallmePaul - your description of the place and type of people who live there certainly sounds very intimidating.

I would be very much out of my depth, it kind of puts me off going on a date with him/definitely makes me feel like I'm not good enough haha

although to be fair to him he has been very complimentary about my appearance etc/ said nice things, so if it myself who is making me feel like that.

• it is myself.

20/30 year old women (speaking as one) do not typically want 40+ blokes unless they are stonkingly rich/handsome or the woman in question is not able to attract a half decent bloke in her age range.

Exactly. The 20 somethings may date men in their 30s, but 40s is sleazy, apparently. I thought the same at that age.

I didn’t. I married one.

And middle aged women are awesome! Surely some men can see that?

@HatsScarvesGloves

And middle-aged women are great for sex, as they neither have to worry that they might become pregnant, nor worry that they are not becoming pregnant. They can just enjoy fantastic sex without a single minute's thought about potential babies, which is good news for men.

OP, if you were a man, I'd snap you up as your interests and outlook are pretty much exactly the same as mine

I very much hope you find your unicorn, especially after having had a lovely and now late husband.

My friend is early 50s and into all the same things as you. She is hunting for a similar unicorn - perhaps you could meet up and hunt together, while enjoying the ballet along the way.

@WitheringTights000 from reading your posts I actually think you may be asking the wrong question.

The first question would be, why do you start out by assuming you need to be 15+ years younger in order to be ‘good enough’ for a prospective partner? If you meet someone who appreciates you for who you are as a person, they should not need that. And if a person only or primarily appreciates you for your youth, well, there will always be someone younger, and also that would suggest that the guy is not a good guy anyway.

Second question: is this guy good enough for you? What does he actually have to offer, and what do you value? Do you want to date a bank account or a person who is kind and makes you feel appreciated and loved? Is he a kind person who happens to be wealthy, or a tosser who uses his wealth to draw in women whose company he does not actually deserve, or is he actually a scammer who does not actually have wealth?

Sorry, who did you marry? @Polis

@BlackFridayDiscoCunt Thank you! If I were a man I'm sure I would love to be snapped up by you! Oh to be a straight man, eh? They don't know how lucky they are. Oh, wait...

Are park runs worth a try?

@YankeeDad - you are right. Perhaps I am asking the wrong questions.

I did set my age preferences to older though because I am not planning on children, and as so many men my age want them, I knew I would have to widen my age range.

I don't know what the deal is with this guy and the Monaco thing etc, I think I will just have to try and be cautious! I don't know what else I can really do!