Where are the middle class, middle aged single men?

[HatsScarvesGloves]

I'm late forties, widowed and thought I'd be single forever. I've got used to it. But, somewhat annoyingly, it turns out I would like one last try at finding love again before I give up altogether. I want someone who keeps fit and is a bit cultured and has a reasonable amount of money to spend on going out. Not because I'm a snob (though I probably am) but because none of my friends like the theatre, the ballet, the arts, etc that much and I really miss having someone to do these things with.

So, where will I meet this mythical creature? Is there such a thing as a high end dating site? Where does he hang out? I've thought of life drawing class and tennis club (both activities i want to try anyway). Any other ideas?

@emmery The thing is that once you are at the Ballet then there are men who enjoy it (self selecting) and of course many who tolerate it for the sake of their mothers, daughters, wives and girlfriends but those men are not particularly representative of most men out there "in the wild". Typically a man who is attractive, educated, fit, solvent, culturally aware and single in his late 40's and older or at least the one's I know are leaning into a different kind of identity something edgier, cooler than nights at the ballet or life drawing which to men like that sounds distinctly like the kind of activities their mother might enjoy and I say that as a woman in her 40's who also enjoys those kinds of things.

It reminds me of the man who broke up with a lovely woman in her late 30's because she frequently wore a long cotton old fashioned style of nightdress (a style I like myself a lot) which he found deeply unsexy and "marmish".

I think men that age still think in their heads that they are cool 30 somethings and can have a tendency to reject that which reminds them they are not.

Life expectancy and physically ageing quicker(looks wise in this context) is the same thing?
"The lowest life expectancy for women in the world in 2022 was for girls born in Nigeria, with only 54 years" Does this mean they are ageing quicker or look worse than anyone else in the world at 54 just because of this statistic?

Seriously!!

What's your experience of 'men who attend ballet' or partake, as dancers, ex dancers, or older dancers? @opticaldelusionally Because I can assure you that's not the case. I've also attended the London ballets and many regional and local. The city ballets are more diverse and have a younger crowd, as you might expect.

As for men ageing better than women ... seriously? On what planet are you living? Their are some cases where a male will age better due to having took care of himself and good genes but most women look far better for their age than most men and tend to make the best of themselves regardless of their genetics. Its purely that once a woman has a few lines and greys she is considered unattractive and unsexy. Its also a known phenomenon that men typically over estimate their own attractiveness, so consider who is actually telling you men age better? Its men and a patriarchal culture which allows men to go grey and get wrinkles while in women the same is seen as a personal failing.

So it is quite simple men do not "age better than women", but they are allowed to age while for women showing any signs of age at all is considered unattractive. Society doesn't allow them an equal footing to start with.

But you miss my point, that is a self selecting group, if the OP wants to meet those kinds of men then she can get involved with those kinds of activities and perhaps she will get lucky. If she wants to just meet a man interested in ballet (and I assume other culturally high brow pursuits) on a dating site or at park run then she is probably going to be out of luck.

Those charming, well turned out, cultured guys? In my experience they're normally with their boyfriends....

It means they probably look better than Nigerian men of the same age, who likely have an even lower life expectancy.

But I thought you had left this discussion?

Perhaps try reading the post again and actually comprehending the information given - they said they wouldn't mind as long as they're a hard worker.

Minimum wage at FT hours is well over £20k a year, so they'd be far from broke.

When I see a 'thick' argument, it triggers a response to set it right.

Good day. Sometimes it's best to just admit when you make a silly argument but will leave you to be.

Exactly my experience. All of this is very true.

@opticaldelusionally absolutely- I know plenty because of the industry I'm in. My Facebook is full of them. (Very slightly older maybe than IP is looking for) They are into gig going, record collecting, cars and sometimes bikes and motorbikes, films, politics, wine or craft beer , holidays and sometimes health and fitness - running etc.

I'm not seeing many into ballet or theatre

@NosamLDN you think arguing on a UK based thread that women die before men in Nigeria, not UK or US or even anywhere in the EU, is not a "thick argument"?

I don't think you are in the catchment for most women on this thread and it's got nothing to do with the way you look, so let's just leave it there. Cheerio!

I was in earlier and I see @NosamLDN has edited out an insult at the end of his post, aimed at the person he's referring to, as it's not there now

When I see a 'thick' argument, it triggers a response to set it right.

Good day. Sometimes it's best to just admit when you make a silly argument but will leave you to be

Talking of silly arguments, and forgive me if im wrong, but aren't you the person who brought up Tom Cruise (had work done and hair dyed) and Kelly McGillis (several years his senior, no work done, hair natural) as an example of how men age better than women

He didn't even get my point that we tend to outlive them, thus are generally healthier. His attempt at an insult, if you can understand it and add a few missing words, is on the original post if you click the edit button.

I didn't realise you could see the edits!

6 years isn't that much of a difference as far as age goes but I see the point.

There you have it . Cheerio

How can I see the edits??? Or would I need to have Premium to do that?

I guarantee you look nothing close to Tom cruise and neither do the hoards of saggy slobby men, who think they somehow compare to any popular fit male celebrity.

I’m in exactly the same position as you widowed and looking for the impossible

I don’t know: I was thinking the day how good so many 50 something men look nowadays compared to when our parents were younger. Certainly the middle class comfortably off men I know, on the whole like ok great. They’re generally fit, slim and well dressed. Obviously there are exceptions but overall many of them look better in their 50’s than they ever did in their 30’s.

You're right @RantyAnty 😀 comparing themselves to the likes of Tom Cruise indeed!

@YankeeDad I'm not sure. I think it might possibly be a premium feature as I can't view it pre edit.

@Cantbeardarknights I've seen a couple of good looking men over 40, really very rare, but they are always married and looked after by a wife. I am not convinced they'd be in a similar neat, styled and healthy state if they weren't.

Mid-30s (the lower side), Go to the gym 4 days a week, look after myself well and you think I will cry over your ignorant assumption because you clearly hate men for whatever reason? You have a load on your shoulder, some of us sleep like a full-up baby at night.

Unlike you, I am neutral, some men age worse, and some women age worse.