Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

Spineless bastard

And to get the children involved

@kneehightoacat Which was his idea as well! I was in no rush at six months in but he was the one pushing it.

My DC only met him once and they spent most of that on the soft play. No harm done to them really. It's me who's been left gutted and furious.

My dignity says to just leave it. My crazier side says to call him out on what a shit he has been.

I think to block him and move on is the best way forward

Although it's really tempting to call him out and to want to say how you feel

Experience tells me that silence will hurt him the most. He wont be able to resist crawling back to check he still can.

I am sorry, Samesh, my heart goes out to you; I understand how hurtful this is.

You may be jumping to conclusions about why he is fading out of your life. He must have liked you very much to keep company for six months and introduce you to his children.

Presumably he has shared care of his kids and yours live with you.

I think it is likely that when you had the play date with both sets of children he felt he could not cope with having four of them on a regular basis. It is quite overwhelming no matter how nice and well behaved the children are. It is not the life he wants and not fair to keep on seeing you as you may/do have more expectations.

It isn't easy to break up with someone you really like, even when your reasons are sound. He probably thinks letting the relationship fizzle out is kinder than a face to face, that you will get the picture and move on.

You will move on. Give yourself time to repair and then be open to meeting new people but try to keep it light. Not all relationships are built to last but you can enjoy yourself.

Good luck.

He wont be able to resist crawling back to check he still can

I think people over estimate how often men actually do this, especially after a short term relationship. They more likely just move on.

Maybe there was something that didn't gel with all the kids OP, but he should have explained and ended it properly.

You're back in the saddle now though, there will be someone else out there

Are you sure he’s disappearing? Have you asked him?

I’ve been dating someone and I suddenly realized yesterday that I’ve not text them for over a week. I’ve just been busy with work and tired in the evenings, and it slipped.

Is there a slightly kinder interpretation, which is he thought it'd be nice for the kids to meet each other so you could enjoy social time together - and when it did, the reality of blending families (even superficially) hit him in a way that it hadn't before?

He may now not know how to express that to you - not that I'm suggesting saying nothing and doing a slow fade is the right way to address it. But it may not be quite as callous as the 'let's play with the plebs' interpretation.

I think I would probably let him know that you're saddened he seems to have pulled away following the dc meeting up. Perhaps it was all too much too soon and you wish him all the best. Close the door but do it on your terms.

@kneehightoacat You're right. Calling them out never works anyway. They don't actually care enough.

I've already sent the "everything okay" text and beem given the bullshit just busy excuse. I don't want to make myself look pathetic.

Why can't they just be honest? He's in his 50s ffs. We are grown ups. I can take honesty. It's cowardice I can't deal with.

Fucks sake.

Did you meet online?

How old are all the children involved?

I’d leave it now then if you asked if everything was ok. I agree that he could be honest but it sounds like he just wants an easy way out.

He may have thought you're not compatible and (mistakenly) thinks a slow fade is kinder? You mention his income several times, as if you both have very different lifestyles.

Sadly OP the ghosting and slow fade doesn’t appear to get any better with age.

I know it feels hard right now as it’s your first post break up dip into the dating pool but it’s better now than wasting even more time.

You've tried so do nothing more.

@LBFseBrom He had his DC 70% of the time and I'm a lone parent.

I hear what people are saying regarding blended family. However I am in NO rush to blend families. I'm far too cautious a person for that. I don't know if I would even want to live with a man in a conventional set up again. It's him who was pushing the meet the kids thing.

Plus this is not a man who has concerns regarding money, paying for a larger family etc. He is rich rich. Money is no object. In fact I think he doesn't really grasp the struggle life can be for poor people like me. The concept of not knowing if you can afford the weekly shop would be lost on him.

As it happens they all got on really well. Suprisingly well actually. His DC are adorable and my two really took to them.

@kneehightoacat Kind of. On a parenting forum though. Not OLD.

@SheIsStuck23 They're between 3 and 6. All just little.

It's always hard when they're the driver and push things forward and then pull away

Maybe he is busy but listen to your gut and come to terms with the end

I’ve seen people on here say that they slow fade because it’s cruel to tell someone to their face that it (the friendship, relationship) isn’t working for them. Like you, I’d prefer the truth rather than a slow fade.

Similar age dc can be difficult ime. My exh had a dd mid way between my 2 x dd's.. Parenting styles were very obvious... Was never going to work looking back.

@spillyo Our lifestyles could not be more different. I'm a poor single mother. He has a huge house and a yacht!!

In his defense he's not flashy in any way. I never got any sense he looked down on me. We get on really well. I genuinely thought he was a really kind genuine man. That's why I'm so gutted.

Onwards and upwards OP. You will meet someone else , don’t be deterred.

Better to know now than later surely?

You say he was the one pushing to meet the kids/get them together. Maybe you maintained appropriate boundaries during the play date, parented your own kids but not his, and that wasn’t quite what he was after. He wouldn’t be the first single dad looking for a new mummy to ease his load.

@BoohooWoohoo Yes I would really just prefer to hear the truth. The slow fade is just making me feel horribly anxious.

this is not a man who has concerns regarding money, paying for a larger family etc.

Might he have reservations regarding your motives OP?

When people do this the best thing you can do is be ruthless back
delete his number and contact
and don’t rush to reply IF he gets in touch

he’s showed his colours early but also you are back on the dating horse

there are and will be others

don’t treat this as a heartbreaking tragedy I urge you
you met someone and it didn’t work out
this shit happens
and you arnt all alone , you have your little family

I know it’s upsetting and you liked him
this shit happens in dating I’m afraid x

And the best way to stop anxiety is YOU decide
delete him and assume it’s over and done