Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

Perhaps he is just busy ? I would just leave it for the moment and see what happens .

@spillyo Is that a not very subtle way of asking if I'm a gold digger?

If you must know i didn't even find out he's wealthy at first. I was attracted to how outgoing, lively and animated he is. My ex had the personality of a mop handle so to meet someone so enthusiastic about life was a joy. Plus he seemed very kind natured which is always attractive in a man.

I would stop being available for him now OP. Childcare permitting make plans with a friend or if no childcare or cash invite a friend round. Don’t drop your friend if he does get in touch. If he is still interested/open to a relationship he is going to need to work a bit harder for your attention.

Then you should also have the backbone to say so no?

How did you meet him OP? Was it online or in real life?
it’s horrible I had that many moons ago seeing a guy and then he just disappeared no closure no call no reason it knocked me for six…

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Maybe I was a bit over invested in his children. I guess I felt a bit sorry for them despite them having a lifestyle mine could only dream of.

As it happens there has been a bereavement recently. Although I'm sure his fingers are still working for calling/texting if desired...

@ManateeFair maybe but how do you explain he didn’t say any of that?

@Winter2020 I'm certainly not sitting around waiting for him. I never have. We're both busy people. I'm not a rich businessman but i have two jobs, two kids and a lot to be getting on with😅

It was a general observation really. Men with children who are dating - and women with children who are dating - are not equal. That is what I've seen from this thread and from real life.

Men just seem to have more intrinsic 'worth' somehow and it's injust.

@ilovebrie8 I met him on a parenting forum. So online but deffo not OLD.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I totally understand where you're coming from.

I've even had people say he must be a wonderful person because he has his DC the majority of the time. I have my DC all the time and I get no kudos for it!

I think you deserve an explanation OP but give it a little longer.

Did you both chat about how the meeting with all the children went? It would be strange to not have a conversation about an important event.

He might be taking his cues from his children and maybe the eventuality of having 2 additional children in his family unit isn't what he/they wants. You mentioned that his children have a life yours could only dream of. Comments like this suggest an inequality which might be a lot to navigate albeit neither of are to blame. I hope you get clarity.

Or, given that the mother seems to not have the kids very much, she was a commitment phobe. Maybe he also too busy working to have kids when he was younger, jumped in with both feet when he finally met someone, but she did a runner.

My brother is 49, and will be in his 50s with a oldest child under 5. He has been with his partner for 25 years. They didn't choose to start a family until he was 46.

@Sameshitdifferentdayagain I would not jump to assume it is over. If he is as wealthy as you say, he may be genuinely busy with work. The cynic in me also says, he probably does need to be cautious about who he gets involved with. You may be genuine, but not everyone is, and maybe someone somewhere is pointing red flags out to him.

I would be getting on with my life, and leave it to him to pursue you at this point.

I wouldn't block or delete or anything. I'd just be upfront and say you haven't messaged, you don't seem to want to continue communication, can you confirm what's happening here? I couldn't cope with the second guessing and the projection of maybe it's this or that. That messes with your head. Just ask him for a straight answer.

Was he married to the mother of his children? Has he been in any long term relationships?

You have mentioned his money so many times on this thread alone I find it really hard to believe you haven’t done the same in person. And that would be an immediate ick for anyone! Did he pay for you all when you went out?

Take your power back, OP. Send a text along the lines of, it's been great getting to know you, but clearly we're looking for different things, so I'll wish you well.

He won't tell you it’s over because he wants the option of turning up again if his new fling doesn't work out. So take the option away from him and hold your head high. As much as it hurts, you deserve better than him.

@Sameshitdifferentdayagain it sounds like you really saw a good one in him and really really wanted it to work because he ticked so many boxes including money. However it might be just that he isnt feeling it now and that the reality of the playdate/maybe he could see how invested you were, and got freaked out/didnt want to pursue it.

Honestly id just leave it, if he wants you/this, he will be in touch and not make you wonder

For a man who is 51 to have kids 3 and 6 years old is pretty young. I assume this guy is pretty eligible from your description. Why did it take him so long? Is there a back story there?

This. Leave it OP and see what happens.

For lots of people their natural dating « pattern » is to do something new/brave/intimate then they pull back and do their own thing for a few days. Doesn’t mean they don’t like you.

Don’t confront him. Don’t block him. Get on with your life, chill, look after yourself and see what happens.

If he comes back tell him that disappearing is upsetting.

OP- lets face it- it absolutely sucks. Its rude, disrespectful and cowardly in my opinion to just ghost someone like that. The absolute least he could have done is say "I've realised this isnt going to work out, I really appreciate spending time with you but I cant see this progressing. Good luck". Like, thats it. Its not hard to do.

That said, you cant control his behaviour, only your own reaction to it. This isnt about you its about HIM. This shows loud and clear that his reaction to anything slightly tricky or difficult is to fade away and bury his head in the sand and to take the cowards way out of avoidance rather than have an open and honest conversation. He has shown you this is how he deals with life and its a massive red flag. This will be a pattern in his life and I suspect if you knew how he has acted in the past you'll see this pattern repeating over and over again. Allow yourself to be sad for a little while but then be glad that you have dodged a bullet here and that you wont have to put up with this predictable response in the future whenever issues come up. Onwards and upwards. Some men just "NEXT" themselves and he is one of them!

Behaviour like this is pretty rude and too much like hard work.
I would move on without wasting another brain cell on him. It's a shame but hold your head up and don't waste your MH on him.x

6 months is way too soon to be introducing kids into the mix. I don't know what either of you were thinking. 🤷‍♀️

This comment about men and the fact that you seem very focused on his wealth tells me you’re not ready to date anyone. I would leave it and try and move on.

Agree with this