Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

Instead of all this talk about blocking , just pick up the phone and ask him some straight questions without being histrionic or needy. You deserve an explanation.

Even OP says she’d be crazy to contact him again and she’s already done the ‘is everything OK’? text. As a PP said, his response was the clincher (‘I’m really busy’). Better to move on now she’s (very probably) been dumped. In the extremely unlikely event of OP not being dropped, contacting him again could really put him off as it could come across as desperate.

She does yes, but it’s the very definition of needy to call him at this stage.

But he has sent a quick message 🤷🏼‍♀️
In her earlier posts she said she sent him a message asking if everything was ok and he replied that he was just having a busy week. It’s only a week and there has been communication. I’d hardly call that a slow fade. Maybe he is just having a crazy week and she’ll hear from him as normal this weekend now he’s stopped working. But she won’t hear from him if she blocks him!

Myself and my partner are both going through the TUPE process with our jobs. His is more uncertain than mine in that he doesn’t know where he will be moved to with his “new” job. I know I will be in the same office as I am currently working unless I am made redundant, which could happen.

I live in my partner’s house and pay rent. I have my own property where my adult son lives and he and his partner pay me rent (reduced to help them out). The log term goal is for me to sell my place and buy in with my partner. I won’t make my son homeless to reach this goal though.

my best friend passed away this week, after a very long battle with cancer. Heartbreaking.

my partner has never liked my best friend. She never said she didn’t like him, but I don’t think she did. I purposely didn’t push any get togethers more often than I did because I knew there was a tension.

I want to support my friend’s husband. My partner has said he likes him and I know it’s mutual.

I have arranged for me and my partner to go and see my friend’s husband today, to say hello and keep him company, he suggested maybe dinner and a beer, kind of see how things go.

my partner had a bad day yesterday, everything went wrong for him. He gets stressed very quickly. When I got home from work he basically spent the evening talking about his problems, money is tight, his adult daughters are constantly tapping him for money. His youngest daughter had asked him for more money yesterday. He also spent a lot of time talking about how poorly my friend treated me. Looking back I have allowed her to mistreat me, but because she was so poorly, I made allowances for her. Her husband is not the same, and there are no bad feelings there.

my partner doesn’t want to go to see my friend’s husband today (after I had mentioned dinner) saying he doesn’t have the money. This is despite him buying three LPs recently to the value of around £80 (in total not for each vinyl).

we are careful with money. We don’t overspend and rarely go out. This isn’t a problem.

I don’t know what I’m asking here. I am totally fed up with my partner constantly moaning about his life. We have been together five years and living together three years. Part of me wants to leave. I can’t take this anymore, but I have no where to go.

I think I just need to off load. I know I need to speak to my partner.

I don’t think I am being unreasonable in asking him to come with me to support my friend’s husband. He has just lost his wife of 25 years. My best friend of 20 years.

thank you for taking the time to read my post.

I’m not sure I would push for an explanation and certainly wouldn’t block him or end it. Those tend to be short term “ band aid” solutions for the current ( barely bearable) uncertainty and hurt by giving yourself the illusion of control. But longer term you may wonder if things might have been different if you didn’t self sabotage.

This. If you block him at this stage, you’ll never know

@Maryfromthedairy47 you need to begin a new thread for your post. It'll get overlooked here as it's in response to a totally different original post.

I think you might have meant to create your own thread as an OP? This seems to have popped up in someone else’s thread. But I can see you need an answer quite fast if the lunch is today so here goes. I think you don’t have time to decide if a meal is a reasonable ask or not, and then battle it out with your partner. Can you explain you had offered it for it’s awkward now but just cut to a compromise and ask him to come for a beer with you both? Friend’s partner will still have company snd feel supported but it sounds less time consuming and expensive to your partner. Chances are once there everyone will feel like staying on if they do get on as you say.

Sorry, “have agreed to it so it’s awkward now”

Oh god. Thank you. X

No more contact Op. get on with your life and book in lots of fun stuff in the next few weeks. Then if he does call you are also busy.
If he actually likes you he'll like you more that you have a life - you're a women in demand ( do not drop everything for another date).
If he doesn't call then lesson learned. It wasn't meant to be him and you won't invest so much into the next until you are properly seeing each other. and you'll have more opportunities to meet the next one if you get out there.

I wouldn’t block him or text again you did that already.

I’d leave it and get on with your life.

He might have got cold feet or met someone else there are a number of possibilities…

I agree. You actually HAVE already asked him. If he’s wavering and you chase him further you may well seal your own fate by making him feel pestered ( I know he OUGHT to be more upfront; but he isn’t). For your own sanity I’d assume it’s probably a fade but don’t extinguish the situation yourself by berating him. My advice might differ if you were a bit 50/50 about him but you clearly aren’t.

I agree with this too. People keep saying talk to him but she HAS already- she already asked him everything is ok and he gave her the "I'm busy" excuse. There was no "so sorry, I'm so busy currently but lets meet up/catch up later" it was just "I'm busy". WTF is she supposed to do with that response?- you cannot keep on asking if someone isnt willing to elaborate more than a dismissive "I'm busy" response. Its humiliating to keep on asking when someone is dismissing you.

I think OP should assume its a fade and just get on with her life. Yes, he should be communicating but he isnt and her attempts to ask if all was ok have been stonewalled. He's an arse and she should move on.

I would actually want an explanation rather than him just going silent . It’s about treating someone in a respectful way !

This reminds me of a friend’s teen who has just broken up from her first ( she calls it) serious relationship. She asked him to explain why he wants to end it so she can “learn from it.” His response: “ I just realised there isn’t anything to like about you.” 😳 Safe to say she isn’t moving on easily!

This reminds me of a friend’s teen who has just broken up from her first ( she calls it) serious relationship. She asked him to explain why he wants to end it so she can “learn from it.” His response: “ I just realised there isn’t anything to like about you.” 😳 Safe to say she isn’t moving on easily!

Poor girl... but I'd still rather that than silence...

That's just an incredibly cruel response which says more about him than her. It doesn't ring true either because if he did not like "anything about her" he would have never gotten into a relationship with her on the first place. I believe your friend dodged a bullet with this very cruel man. He sounds like he was getting "back at her" in a passive aggressive way for x and y reasons. Any person with a pinch of empathy who breaks up with someone tries to keep it kind and will say "I don't think we're meant for each other or there was not enough chemistry".

Yes it was cruel. To be fair they are both quite young and it was probably his first attempt at such explanations. Let’s hope he improves with age and experience!

I can understand immaturity being a factor when being so young and breaking up in a "clumsy" manner, I think we've all been there, but this young man sounded very insecure, vindictive and with a lack of empathy, those are treats that don't fix easily as an adult. The lad had issues...

@Sameshitdifferentdayagain

OP, when was the last time you actually heard from this man and what was his exact reply?

Did he just say I'm busy or was it I'm busy I'll catch up later and has he got intouch since?

I think you need to watch this speaker Liz

she basically says about how crafty men in 2023 are! It may be of help!

Silence speaks volumes.

I think leave it. You know the score already. Back to the parent forum, you never know, and in the meantime, you'll get to chat to people who reply back with enthusiasm, which is always good for the soul.

Then why the hell doesn't he grow up and actually tell OP this then? It's the avoidance and lack of communication that is both immature and unkind.