Slow fade after meeting my DC. So upset.

[Sameshitdifferentdayagain]

This is a bit of a pathetic post but I really need to get it all out.

Been seeing a man for six months (fellow single parent of young DC) I've basically been on my own for 3.5 years since ex husband upped and left.

All was going well and I was actually entertaining thoughts that I might miraculously met someone decent. He seemed really keen on me and it was so nice to not feel alone after the last awful few years.

I recently met his (utterly adorable) little DC twice. We then arranged a play date day for all DC together. It was such a lovely day and I felt so happy after. It was his suggestion to arrange it. Not mine.

Now despite all that he's doing a not very subtle slow fade on me. Too busy to get together (he is a wealthy guy and a hard working businessman, but nobody is that busy) I've not heard from him in a week either whereas before he was in touch all the time. I know I've been dropped and God it hurts :( I gave him a chance despite how guarded I normally am and now I just feel like a fool. It's knocking my MH and life is a struggle for me as it is. He's clearly enjoyed playing with the plebs before going back to his much better life.

Why do some men have to be so unkind? It just don't get how they can treat people like we're so disposable.

I don't think he's a spineless bastard...sounds like he realised bringing his kids into the mix wasn't for them. That doesn't make him a bad person, just someone who gets his priorities right. 🙄

@LuckySantangelo35 I don't think I even want to meet someone else. Stuff just never works out for me. My hearts too battered and i'm feeling too old for it all.

@MiddleParking I spent loads of time with his two so not sure that's applicable. I adore children so i couldn't help it. If anything i was wondering after if I'd been a bit OTT with them and not realised.

It’s fine for him to not want to continue dating the OP but it’s spineless, rude and immature to slow fade her. It’s not ok.

At least he didn’t love bomb early and become a cock lodger.

well done at recognising his reluctance. Sounds like just accepting and moving on is the answer here. No pick me dance. No gaslighting etc. just didn’t work out.

@PutinSmellsPassItOn Well then perhaps he shouldn't have pushed to bring his kids into it? It was all his idea, not mine. He should have left them out of it if he wasn't sure about me.

From what I've seen it's usually his child's mother that would have put a spanner in the works.

She will have gone off in one about him letting their child meet you and your children and either made them direct or veiled threats to lessen his contact with their child and he has backed off.

Everyone blaming men but sadly it's often women that cause all the problems.

@PutinSmellsPassItOn i think you’ve misunderstood what people are saying. No one is calling him spineless for wanting to end a relationship. He’s spineless because he won’t tell OP he wants to end it, preferring to ghost her.

In my experience arseholes cause problems irrespective of their sex

I'm wondering the same. A man pushing to get the kids spending time together after six months would be ringing alarm bells for me (but I have no desire to live with a man again!).

I’ve literally never heard of a case of a divorced man not pursuing a relationship that he’s keen on, because his ex wife put pressure on him!

@Garmindecisions Sadly I only really see his reluctance because I'm naturally attuned to the worst case scenario :(

I'd have been more shocked if it had worked out in my favour tbh.

Is it possible his DC's mum has kicked off?
Some men can be cowardly when it comes to their ex's. Or maybe as others have said he's had a huge wake up call seeing you all together for the first time.
He's horrible to treat you like this in any event. It's very hurtful but at least he's shown his true colours before your Dc got to know him properly.

Could it be that? He or the kids or both weren’t keen on that?

Aw that's so disappointing for you, I totally sympathise. Agree that silence is the best approach here, Absolutely don't contact him again, in fact delete his number to remove any temptation.
You will get over it, it's just shit just now as he was fun and gave you a huge boost after the last few years. He wasn't quite who you thought he was though to be behaving like this. XX

Why don't you be the one to tell him that 'Actually, this isn't working for me, bye', OP? That way there's no more 'slow fade' and nothing more that you need to ponder as you're the one to call it off.

@Jewelspun He has the kids 70% of the time. Their mother has no power or control over his life or what he does with it. She'd never threaten less contact. She doesn't want her DC any more than she has them now!

@PutinSmellsPassItOn

are you trying to say OP shouldn’t have a relationship just because she kids?

@mcmooberry None of them are ever who you think they are. It's the male trait you can always rely on for sure!

It’s hard I know. But take control. Block him everywhere right now. It hurts but the waiting and not knowing hurts more and that’s what’s creating the anxiety. If you know he can’t get hold of you that will reduce the churning stomach almost immediately.

@LuckySantangelo35 Sounds that way doesn't it? How dare I want a bit of happiness for myself after nearly 4 years alone. The scandal!

@Sameshitdifferentdayagain

just ignore people like that - they’re ridiculous.

I dunno - maybe he isn't sure. Maybe he's just taking a little time. He might not want to draw a line and just be having a wobble (which is totally human). 6 months is the 'is-this-serious' point and as a PP said he may be digesting the reality of a blended family.

Not saying he's being amazing but I don't understand how not being sure about dating a person makes him a spineless bastard or even a slightly bad person.

That said - OP - I tend to agree with others who suggest deciding to move on. If this is messing with your head then take back control.

I really didn't take that from @PutinSmellsPassItOn 's comment at all. I think (hope) you're being a bit oversensitive. You are absolutely entitled to date with kids. I think they just meant he's prioritising work so maybe he's mega-busy or something.

If they did mean you shouldn't be dating, that's absolute balls.

You have mentioned his money and wealth a lot ,and I've only got to page 1.
I remember meeting my now husband,and his money was not on my radar in the slightest.
I expect u have possibly inadvertently made some comments about finances.
Maybe have a think ..either that or the kids didn't get on well ,and he realised how most of the time spent together is going to be in his house ,that he will be funding
Also ,with such differing disposable income,you won't be able to afford to the activities he wants to do with his kids ....so he's possibly thinking he's going to be funding u and yours

I wouldn't do anything just yet. If he has a lot of money then presumably he has to work hard to earn that? He has the children 70% of the time. Maybe he is just busy.

I wouldn't write again but I wouldn't block him, either.