Husband randomly steals

[Sopora]

I don’t even know where to post this and I feel incredibly stupid right now because I never even realised.
It just started because I complained about some random fucking carpet that was blocking my way in the garage. So apparently he has a habit of “just taking” things when he feels like it, and I never even realised. I don’t know why but I feel utterly ashamed and also shocked that he doesn’t see any issue with it. His friend was at our house when this came out (actually revealed it) and he also thinks it’s hilarious and “just something he’s always done”.
My husband has a very decent salary and this is not a money issue. I know that people seem to do things like stealing slippers and shampoo in hotels but a carpet?? It’s not even the worst, and I am sure I have only heard about the tip of the ice berg.
Clearly this can’t be normal? Is this something others have come across?

I know someone a bit like this who now is obsessed with making money and loves stealing the odd things from shop eg will not pay for an item at self service and grab a chocolate bar, whatever. I really, really dislike it. He’s super wealthy now btw.

So what happens if someone doesn't find it as amusing as his mates apparently do? He's obviously intimidated someone sufficiently to get away with a rug so it could be police or a group of people coming to retrieve items. Do you really need that in your life?

Well you know now. You can’t change the past but you can change the future.
Maybe you should check what else in your house is stolen, electrical goods? Kids Christmas presents?
Then give the ultimatum he stops or he goes.
If there are stolen goods in your home I suppose you could be prosecuted for receiving or joint enterprise if that’s still applicable.

Thieves are scumbags. There is absolutely NO excuse for stealing.
If you need food because your kids are starving, go to a food bank.

What about families who are struggling and have no choice but to steal to feed their children?

There are food banks, no one ever needs to steal and decent people won't no matter how poor they are.

I don't believe for a second that this little "hobby" of his doesn't translate into other areas of his life and behaviour. I think you have been ignoring lots of red flags for a very long time.

He is a kleptomaniac my partner's brothers ex was like that. She stole from his mother.

I don't get how you didn't notice?

Couldn’t bear this. But! I grew up in a guest house. All our stuff got stolen all the time. I think this behaviour is rife. It was so depressing. Bikes. Hairdryers. I once forgot to lock my bedroom… all my jewellery (nothin expensive- I was 15, but v sentimental).

I think it’s made me very cynical of the ‘average’ person’s morality. The extent of it was shocking.

At the same time, if my husband did this… I dunno. I’d find it repulsive.

Maybe he’s a rug dealer…

My sister has done this all her life. Stolen from family, friends and shops. I used to hide stuff when I knew she was visiting. She'd take bits of jewellery, clothes and make up. She doesn't even wear make up.

No one in her family has had any contact with her for a long time. She no longer has friends. She's married to a man who has equally disturbing mental health issues.

She has never had any need to steal. We were never particularly well off, but not poor. She's now very well off.

As far as I am aware she has never been caught shoplifting, however she has been sacked from several jobs. The reasons she gave never made sense to me. Maybe it was stealing.

It's very sad.

I doubt he needs therapy! He just needs to stop being a thieving dick who thinks it’s funny.

Not necessarily true. I worked in a foodbank for 4 years... there's families so skint that they cannot get to the foodbank, especially rurally, and with say, 3 kids in tow?. Id understand stealing to feed my kids if there was no other option

I would ask him for all the things he’s taken over the years, and then if you have contacts for his circle of friends send a photo of it and ask people to claim anything they believe to be theirs, and donate the remainder to the Save The Children shop.

Alternatively, just round up all the stuff you can’t account for and donate it yourself. At least then it can do some good and you don’t have stolen goods in your garage.

It doesn’t sound like he is in the right headspace to agree to counselling. Maybe if you have a zero tolerance stance for anything stolen being in your house, that will help him realise the degree to which his behaviour is wrong?

Is he randomly stealing, or as in this instance, taking things in lieu of debt repayment? Both are bad, but while one is odd behaviour, the other has motive behind it.
Why did the person owe him money? Is he in the habit of loaning cash? Is he dealing drugs? Or debt collecting on a dealer's behalf? Do other people owe him/his friends money? What other stuff has he taken and why? I suspect there is far more to this that you don't know about.

TBH the whole thing is awful regardless of why, and the fact he thinks it's OK should make you want to leave him to it.

worked in a foodbank for 4 years... there's families so skint that they cannot get to the foodbank, especially rurally

I would understand stealing to feed one's kids in a scenario where there were no options, but there usually are options not to do that. Until recently there were less food banks but there are now loads in the UK. They will be in virtually any village, ones run by churches etc, and/or other food projects.

I want to know what happened to the poor hen. Stealing her and keeping her in a flat ??
I assume your DH is a decorator/builder/plumber or something along those lines ? So if he hasn’t been pained he rolls up rugs or steals pets ? Really bizarre behaviour OP, like a child “Jimmy ate my sweets so I am going to 53rd his favourite pen” Is he stuck at age 8 in any way ?

Morally speaking, I don't have a particular problem with him taking the rug hostage until the people he did the work for cough up what they owe, because effectively they stole from him first. Sometimes the only way to deal with nasty idiots is to give them a taste of their own medicine.

But nicking things in general is abhorrent. Apart from anything else, it will catch up with him one day, and may have serious consequences for you all. Not to mention that lack of trust is a marriage killer, and I don't know how you can trust someone who is compulsively light fingered.

Well it is money based as he said the rug owners owed him money.

One day he will cross the wrong person OP.

I have come across this before and I hate to say it, but the person in question turned out to be a very unbalanced individual who was hiding a lot other secret behaviours. It's definitely not normal.

My friend does this for the thrill, no money issues.

I thought it was absolutely bizarre but apparently she's always done it. Small stuff like a pack of biscuits or paracetamol

Did make me see her in a different light though

My ex feels entitled to whatever he wants so he takes it. It's not about being able to afford it or not, or the thrill, he just feels entitled. It's one of his many 'qualities'.

Absolutely this. Unbelievable.