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Original poster

Husband randomly steals

176 replies

Sopora · 23/11/2023 18:50

I don’t even know where to post this and I feel incredibly stupid right now because I never even realised.
It just started because I complained about some random fucking carpet that was blocking my way in the garage. So apparently he has a habit of “just taking” things when he feels like it, and I never even realised. I don’t know why but I feel utterly ashamed and also shocked that he doesn’t see any issue with it. His friend was at our house when this came out (actually revealed it) and he also thinks it’s hilarious and “just something he’s always done”.
My husband has a very decent salary and this is not a money issue. I know that people seem to do things like stealing slippers and shampoo in hotels but a carpet?? It’s not even the worst, and I am sure I have only heard about the tip of the ice berg.
Clearly this can’t be normal? Is this something others have come across?

OP posts:
PastCatInABookTree · 24/11/2023 07:01

😄

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 24/11/2023 07:06

Taking a rug from somebody that owes you money and refuses to pay you back (without any reasonable justification) is a very different scenario than what OP suggested in the original post.

There are still discussions about ethics (and truthfulness, such as whether the money was actually owed, how he managed to take the carpet etc…).

But it is clearly not the same as simply going to a friend’s house and deciding to steal their rug because he finds that entertaining!

LylaLee · 24/11/2023 07:07

Ffsnotaconference · 24/11/2023 06:56

He steals off his friends and they just go round to yours and get it off him?

and they all think it’s funny? No one gets pissed off. Just go get their shit back and laugh it off. They sound like fucking dickheads. ‘Oh Bob is hilarious. Steals off all of us’?

Still wondering about the carpet from 'someone who owed you money.' That's different from slipping a salt shaker into his pocket.

He either (1) burgled an empty house - how did he even get in? Can he pick locks too?, or (2) He took it with violence, or (3) he intimidated someone into allowing their rug to be taken. Pregnant woman, little old man? Blackmail? Part of a gang?

Which of these three ways is acceptable to you, OP?

And when will he start teaching this to your DC? Maybe he's already started. A secret from mummy.

Where does he get enough money to be a lender? Is he selling the stolen goods?

How many of your and DC's birthday and Christmas presents been stolen items wrapped up?

He says he doesn't steal from shops. But thieves are usually also liars.

And OP still hasn't explained about the chicken.

Flapjacker48 · 24/11/2023 07:16

Is your husband from a lower middle class background?

Original poster
Sopora · 24/11/2023 07:18

None of the scenarios are acceptable to me.
The chicken was alive and he kept it for a while (in the apartment that he was sharing with a friend). I don’t know where he took it from. As I said it was before I met him.
He said he had done some work for people and they refused to pay the full amount so he rolled up the rug and left, and that they can have it back when they pay him because they’ll know where it is. As I said none of this is acceptable to me and I cannot understand this mentality at all.

OP posts:
Miyagi99 · 24/11/2023 07:21

Sopora · 24/11/2023 07:18

None of the scenarios are acceptable to me.
The chicken was alive and he kept it for a while (in the apartment that he was sharing with a friend). I don’t know where he took it from. As I said it was before I met him.
He said he had done some work for people and they refused to pay the full amount so he rolled up the rug and left, and that they can have it back when they pay him because they’ll know where it is. As I said none of this is acceptable to me and I cannot understand this mentality at all.

Is he a tradesman?

flutterby1 · 24/11/2023 07:23

No, it's not what most people do

Deathraystare · 24/11/2023 07:27

Find the chicken, grill it for info and see if it will choke!

mrshenny · 24/11/2023 07:38

determinedtomakethiswork · 23/11/2023 20:47

Every day on here I realise there is an actual new low to what people will put up with in a relationship.

Same here, what in the world am I reading??

This is not normal behaviour OP and whoever else has partners who steal. (Can't actually believe there's more than one of you)! OP Your tight fisted criminal husband needs to stop lending people money and he also needs to stop stealing!!

LylaLee · 24/11/2023 07:40

Sopora · 24/11/2023 07:18

None of the scenarios are acceptable to me.
The chicken was alive and he kept it for a while (in the apartment that he was sharing with a friend). I don’t know where he took it from. As I said it was before I met him.
He said he had done some work for people and they refused to pay the full amount so he rolled up the rug and left, and that they can have it back when they pay him because they’ll know where it is. As I said none of this is acceptable to me and I cannot understand this mentality at all.

But the point is how did he take a rug from someone's house? Did he pull a knife? Beat up an old lady?

Go next door, try and walk out with the washing up gloves. See what happens.

Let alone a rug.

You'll be one of those mums on the news saying, 'but he's such a sweet boy!' after your son is arrested, having been trained up from nappies to be a thug like his dad.

VisionsOfSplendour · 24/11/2023 07:50

Taking a rug in lieu of a debt is stupid in the first place, is he going to try and sell it Facebook or something?

I know you've just found out but I'd seriously suggest ending the realtiknship, he could be bringing any kind of trouble to your door aside form the issue of bringing up a child with someone with that kind of behaviour

jemenfous37 · 24/11/2023 07:56

@HappyMavis You need to look up the definition of henpecked

Passepartoute · 24/11/2023 08:13

It's inevitable that at some point someone will report him to the police. Would a criminal record affect his job?

butterpuffed · 24/11/2023 08:16

His friends all know about it and vaguely where their stuff will be . So really , it's a case of 'Where's Wally' My Rug ?

Saracen · 24/11/2023 08:17

One of my DH's best friends did this. It seemed like compulsive, self-destructive behaviour. He invariably claimed the item had always been his or that it had been given to him. It was often stupid stuff where there was a high likelihood of being caught.

They both worked in the building trade, often together, and the friend was always pinching a hammer here, a drill bit there, a pack of nails - anything. Some of it was useful stuff, but some he just hoarded. He never sold anything on. Another friend helped him move house and found he had amassed an enormous stack of boxes of screws, more than he could have used in a lifetime.

DH ended up labelling everything possible, and whenever anything went missing he would demand to look in the friend's toolbox, where he often found it. For years DH managed to convince himself that the friend was absentminded or stupid and genuinely thought the items were his. Then one day DH announced loudly he was leaving the site on his break, crept back quietly, and found the friend rifling through DH's toolbox. Since that day, DH has refused to speak to him and has told the bosses he won't work with him.

This guy has exceptionally low self-esteem and has succeeded in driving most of his friends away. I do feel sorry for him, but I also see why DH had had enough.

VanityDiesHard · 24/11/2023 08:20

mugofstew · 23/11/2023 19:46

Where did he steal the rug from?
What is he going to do with it?

The old man told him to take any rug in the house. He needs it because it really ties the room together.

Loubelle70 · 24/11/2023 08:22

Sopora · 23/11/2023 20:26

He did take it from someone’s house because they apparently owed him money but he knew they wouldn’t pay it.
It’s not about the rug but about the principle

That's even more concerning. Hes like a bailiff.
Is he a bully?

Saracen · 24/11/2023 08:23

I also knew a young lad from a very challenging background who was exceptionally bright, who was encouraged by a teacher to go to university early. At uni, he stole in such a way that he was bound to be caught eventually. Among other things, he took my credit card and used it in shops with CCTV. This was in the days when you had to sign, and your signature would be compared to the signature on the credit card. Not only was he using a credit card with a female name on it, but the forged signature wasn't at all convincing. He was caught and was sent home in disgrace.

The consensus among all of us (fellow students and staff) was that he had felt out of his depth academically and emotionally, and this was his way of getting sent home.

Loubelle70 · 24/11/2023 08:25

The only time id steal is if my kids (grown up now) were hungry and there was no other means of raising cash, selling stuff.
Your husband has problems.

Loubelle70 · 24/11/2023 08:27

Its totally unacceptable. Its bully boy tactics...like an illegal doorstep lender.Theres other ways, payment plan etc
If my husband did this.. especially regularly, i would be looking at divorce

SunnieShine · 24/11/2023 08:29

Sopora · 24/11/2023 07:18

None of the scenarios are acceptable to me.
The chicken was alive and he kept it for a while (in the apartment that he was sharing with a friend). I don’t know where he took it from. As I said it was before I met him.
He said he had done some work for people and they refused to pay the full amount so he rolled up the rug and left, and that they can have it back when they pay him because they’ll know where it is. As I said none of this is acceptable to me and I cannot understand this mentality at all.

So he did some work for someone and tried to overcharge them, and when they would only pay the agreed amount he intimidated them and stole from them.

Is that about right?

Yalta · 24/11/2023 08:32

What happens when he steals from someone who doesn’t find it funny and they have caught him on there CCTV

Do you feel safe.

DisquietintheRanks · 24/11/2023 08:33

My dad did this. I think it was because he was unhappy (depressed) by his lot in life and felt that was in some way "owed". I'm aware this doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

I also had a colleague who shoplifted for the buzz it gave her. She was well off and ostensibly had a good life.

Original poster
Sopora · 24/11/2023 08:37

I don’t know what happened exactly, and how the conversation went. To be honest I am not sure if it makes much of a difference because it’s a separate issue to the general stealing but equally disturbing. Either way is unacceptable.

I know he had a difficult upbringing, and that the family often went from well off to poorish because his father made weird and impulsive decisions that had an impact on the whole family. I was always under the impression that my husband was normal albeit a bit impulsive at times, but nothing out of the ordinary. This changes things and I really need to rethink some things now.

I agree that this will blow up eventually if he doesn’t stop this shit.

OP posts:
Newsenmum · 24/11/2023 08:39

I’d want to know what else you don’t know about this man. It’s all very odd and unacceptable. What kind of friends find it funny? No one I’d want to mix with. And why would someone owe him money? So dodgy.

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