Husband randomly steals

[Sopora]

I don’t even know where to post this and I feel incredibly stupid right now because I never even realised.
It just started because I complained about some random fucking carpet that was blocking my way in the garage. So apparently he has a habit of “just taking” things when he feels like it, and I never even realised. I don’t know why but I feel utterly ashamed and also shocked that he doesn’t see any issue with it. His friend was at our house when this came out (actually revealed it) and he also thinks it’s hilarious and “just something he’s always done”.
My husband has a very decent salary and this is not a money issue. I know that people seem to do things like stealing slippers and shampoo in hotels but a carpet?? It’s not even the worst, and I am sure I have only heard about the tip of the ice berg.
Clearly this can’t be normal? Is this something others have come across?

So uou knew he stole things like a chicken? And other things but didn't realise it 'was a thing'

You don't seem fussed that he has rolled up someone's rug and taken it from their house. Only that his friend knew it was something he has always done. And despite you knowing he has done it before, you didn't realise it was something he has always done?

To take a rug from someone's house he has either done it when they aren't there, in which case why was he in their house. Or there's been an altercation over it. Or he has taken it from someone to terrified or vulnerable to challenge him.

He has a normal job but also lends money to people? And when they don't pay he takes their belongings? But you arenr that fussed about that or the general stealing. Just that you didn't realise this thing he does often, is a trend and known as a 'thing' he does.

Hmm he is known as someone who steals and takes people's belongings if they don't pay what he says they owe him? But he isn't a loan shark/bailiff. And youa re simply bothered people are aware of this and that he always does it. Not that he is actually doing it. As you have accepted up to now.

Are you having a laugh?

Next time OP go heavy on the detail for a believable story

This is a seriously annoying thread… We aren’t mindreaders we don’t have / well I don’t have a clue what you are on about. You are saying it’s not about the stealing but the principle and give no details we need context to be able to give opinions.

Now there is a Blimin chicken involved no idea if Alive, dead or hot !!! either way I think your DH is a dickhead , you don’t revenge steal

This whole scenario is so twisted it’s impossible to unravel it.

Op. Move on and want more for yourself with regards to standards and self respect in future.

This sounds like a made up thread that's is deliberately being drip fed to annoy readers. Either provide context or don't post.

Did your husband steal all the context too

Fake news 🥱

Drip feed.

Sorry I was upset. I did not know that he steals stuff regularly (or about the chicken). His friend blurred it out and they both thought it was hilarious. That was way before I knew him but he was an adult already. He doesn’t care or feel ashamed and his friends all think that it’s either funny or mildly annoying.
He takes random stuff, not expensive items, when he goes to people’s places. His friend even said that they (all a group of friends who have know each other for a long time) know about it and know where they can find their missing items when something is gone. It’s beyond embarrassing and I cannot understand this at all.
I asked him if he steals from shops and he said he used to when he was younger but didn’t do it any more. Again, he doesn’t feel bad or ashamed about it which I find most upsetting.
Yes in retrospect I agree that the rug is an entirely different story and a separate problem.
Of course I am embarrassed.

I would have compassion for someone who steals food or so because they genuine need it or struggle. But he doesn’t need these things and could easily buy them himself. It’s not normal

Every day is a school day on Mumsnet.

He steals from his friends houses?

Thats a line I wouldn’t be able to forgive. Bad and weird enough to steal from shops or hotels and leave big companies footing the bill, but if you can’t trust someone to visit your friends or family because he’ll steal from their houses then that’s a poor show

Especially as he doesn’t see it as a problem

Is it compulsive behaviour or a sense of entitlement?

The former needs treatment.

The latter is a form of greed, spite or envy and is to be despised. I can understand your sense of shame. Horrible to find you are with someone who is light-fingered, who sees other people's property as something he is entitled to take.

Do you wonder: what has he stolen from you?

This!

Has anything of yours gone missing over the years OP?

It is still theft and he is a thief. This isn't about stealing a loaf of bread because they are struggling to pay a bill.

I am amazed at some of the people on this site. A previous thread where the OPs sister was shoplifting, again not out of necessity, was littered with responses excusing her behaviour or telling the OP not to inform anyone that her sister was a criminal.

I doubt such supporters of crime would be so tolerant if they were mugged/burgled or owned a business plagued by shoplifters

Can we stop henpecking the OP please, thanks 🍗

This reminds me of Logan in Gilmore Girls. The Life and Death Brigade stole something from every fancy house that they were in just to get a thrill and play a 'game.' Stupid and immature behaviour. I wonder how your DH would feel if he had a visitor in his home and found something important to him had been stolen. He has no idea what it feels like to be violated. Your DH sounds like either an immature idiot or a thug. Neither are attractive so I would leave.

Stealing is bad enough but from peoples homes is despicable. Book him into some therapy.

Have you got children?

Kleptomania, is a mental health disorder that involves repeatedly being unable to resist urges to steal items that you generally don't really need. Often the items stolen have little value and you could afford to buy them.

Just so you know a tendency to steal is excluded from the Equality Acts disability provisions.

A lot of things go missing around the house but we have a relatively small dc so things usually turn up again.
I don’t know why he does it. I assume it must be compulsive but I would have assumed that he’d be embarrassed then and he isn’t?
And yes something small could still have a lot of sentimental value to the person who loses it. I didn’t say that to him because I didn’t think of it.

Hello,

Given that the stealing is:

Things he can afford
Of little value
Compulsive
Habit formed in childhood

Then it is likely he is has kleptomania. It can be compulsive and as he has more to lose he has derisked his behaviour by not taking from shops where there might be consequences but it still compelled to do it so then does it where there will be fewer / no consequences ie friends house with things of little value.

It’s hard to understand as it’s mental and compulsive but I would be curious when questioning rather that judgemental in order to seek to understand if this is the case.

Not suggesting to tolerate or enable this behaviour.

Best wishes to you and your family.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/kleptomania/symptoms-causes/syc-20364732#:~:text=More%20research%20is%20needed%20to,people%20prone%20to%20impulsive%20behaviors.

He steals off his friends and they just go round to yours and get it off him?

and they all think it’s funny? No one gets pissed off. Just go get their shit back and laugh it off. They sound like fucking dickheads. ‘Oh Bob is hilarious. Steals off all of us’?

Let him book his own therapy.

@Motnight while his mates are brushing it over and considering it a laugh, I doubt he will be taking it seriously enough to be booking his own therapy.