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Original poster

Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort

322 replies

Mathea · 22/11/2023 10:54

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort
OP posts:
AmaryllisNightAndDay · 22/11/2023 13:46

Travel can make people stressed, and stress can make people say very weird things. I am not saying this to excuse your husband but to assure you that this is totally him, not you.

Your trainers are fine, and no, they don't look dirty. Very few people wear their smartest clothes to travel in. What does he think will happen if you don't all look neat enough, the air hostess will refuse to bring your snack? You'll get refused access to the plane?

No point trying to argue with him or explain that your trainers are fine. Though they are. He will only relieve his stress some more by arguing back and then you will feel worse. Bear in mind that he will probably feel better once you get to where you are going, or else ihe'll find other things to focus on. You know that tone of voice you sometimes hear women using when they say "Yes dear" - the tone that says "You are talking nonsense and I am being patient with you"? Well, you're going to need it.

Gillypie23 · 22/11/2023 13:46

Nowt wrong with your shoes. Your husband is a petty twat. Upgrade the husband not the trainers.

Parker231 · 22/11/2023 13:49

Mathea · 22/11/2023 13:18

Thank you for the kind comments.

To those who asked - he was wearing navy blue chinos, Sketcher slip-on navy shoes, and a blue cotton top with a collar. He just looked normal.

His main issue was that my trainers are old and he thinks they look dirty (I don't think they do, and I had put them in washing machine last week).

Your trainers look fine - pale mint colour? I definitely don’t dress up for the airport. Comfy clothes and trainers - and we’re usually travelling business class. DH knows better to comment!

EmptyBoxPyramid · 22/11/2023 13:50

I was at the airport alone wearing my walking boots & some of my out door gear.

I over heard a male, making a horrible comment to his female companion about me.

I have enjoyed many wonderful walking holiday with my friends over the years. I have lots of great memories.

I do enjoy people watching at airports to pass the time, but I would never make a comment.

Everyone is different & that is what makes us all individual & interesting

I have never been treated any differently by any airport or airline staff

EmptyBoxPyramid · 22/11/2023 13:51

Your shoes are OK, no issues

Historybooks · 22/11/2023 13:51

They're just trainers. He's having a dig he's got a bee in his bonnet and he's approaching it in an immature and rude way.

Once I had terribly holey trainers, my husband joked, do you need me to buy you trainers before they fall apart? I took the hint. So fine. But your OH telling you off is just rude.

watchyourfriends · 22/11/2023 13:54

Your shoes look fine!. Most people I see at airports just wear their comfy clothes, what’s the point in being dressed up to sit on a plane?.

CantGetDecentNickname · 22/11/2023 13:54

Things expand at altitude so comfy trainers are essential on flights. Yours looked fine. He sounds nasty and shallow. If he ever does this again, tell him that you’re worried about your image and are thinking of swopping him for someone who is nice to you or a better looking younger model. Seriously, I’d make an effort to look good only when going out with friends or to work in future. He should love you for who you are not what you look like.

Nynaeva · 22/11/2023 13:57

Those trainers are absolutely fine.

He does know it's 2023, doesn't he, and not 1953? Unless you're constantly on camera like the Princess of Wales (I keep waiting for the day when she's going to go flying down the steps and tumble on the tarmac in those ludicrously high heels she insists on wearing), the days of dressing up to fly anywhere are surely thankfully long behind us, normal people dress for comfort when they travel.

Who was he thinking would be impressed and why is it even an issue?!

porridgeisbae · 22/11/2023 13:58

I would find his look overly metrosexual and cringey. A male co-ordinating all their clothing is not attractive IMHO. He could be the hottest man in the world and I'd still cringe at that.

Londontown12 · 22/11/2023 13:59

It’s deffo not the trainers !!! Most people that travel they do it in leisure wear !

Soshitatgifts · 22/11/2023 14:02

Wakemeup17 · 22/11/2023 10:56

That's not about the trainers. Btw, the trainers are fine.
What's going on in your marriage?

I agree with this, this isn’t about trainers (which are ok)

Deathraystare · 22/11/2023 14:13

@EmptyBoxPyramid

I would have asked him why he thinks he should make a comment and to mind his own business. Wear what is comfy/wear what you like. Fuck 'em.

Swimaway9 · 22/11/2023 14:14

Unless he is exhibiting this behaviour regularly without due cause I'd put it down to stress and needing to pick on something to release steam.Have a serious chat with him. Ask if there's anything frustrating him as picking on a pair of trainers that by all accounts look fine makes you think there are underlying issues causing him to upset you & see what happens. I'd also ask for an apology. Having said that I would still be really angry but initially I'd try to get to the route of it then decide what to do.

JoeyRamonesHair · 22/11/2023 14:15

I'd be wondering if his office had just hired a pretty young colleague who wears heels every day.

Fawbs89 · 22/11/2023 14:15

I would wear those they look absolutely fine!

Mustreadabook · 22/11/2023 14:22

Weird. I don't think my husband has ever noticed what shoes I am wearing. He might complain at what the children are wearing if they are covered in mud. Or have forgotten their socks.

Loubelle70 · 22/11/2023 14:23

Mathea · 22/11/2023 13:18

Thank you for the kind comments.

To those who asked - he was wearing navy blue chinos, Sketcher slip-on navy shoes, and a blue cotton top with a collar. He just looked normal.

His main issue was that my trainers are old and he thinks they look dirty (I don't think they do, and I had put them in washing machine last week).

Shout to him 'ship ahoy'... "You look like Captain birdseye in that getup....i think its bit unsuitable for a plane"

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 22/11/2023 14:23

Why does he think that it's 'important to make an effort when you go to the airport?' What on earth in his past has ever made him think like this? Because it sounds to me as though he may have the potential (if he isn't already) to be one of these 'what will everyone THINK!' type of men, who wants you to speak quietly, be demure, look immaculate and never, ever split up a marriage because of 'what everyone else will think'.

This never ends well.

Loubelle70 · 22/11/2023 14:23

JoeyRamonesHair · 22/11/2023 14:15

I'd be wondering if his office had just hired a pretty young colleague who wears heels every day.

This. Or one who is always 'made up'

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 22/11/2023 14:24

Mathea · 22/11/2023 10:54

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

Why in the name of all fuckery do you have to 'make an effort' to go to the airport??? You're not Brangelina, there won't be a serried row of paps waiting at departures. What the fuck is he on about? Is this some new grooming rule I missed?

I always wear the very comfiest, jersey-cotton-ist casual wear I possess for air travel, because it's bloody uncomfy folded up in the seat in your best tailored togs, and you're going to have to get your shoes/belt/god knows what else off anyway at security so who wants to be in fussy clothes and footwear??? Everyone looks like shit when they get off a flight anyway, after x hours being dessicated to a husk in an air-conditioned tomb.

theresnolimits · 22/11/2023 14:25

Two things - is he a nervous flyer and is picking on something random to distract his attention?
Or did you look completely mismatched as a couple? Were the trainers the tip of the iceberg? I'm going on holiday at the weekend and have already asked my husband to pack some decent shirts and not his usual ratty t shirts. I'm taking some nice dresses and I hate it when we go out and I'm all dressed up and he is super casual (that's being polite). It makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I'm of an age where a little bit of effort makes a lot of difference. I know that makes me superficial and I don't dress up for flying, but I do love him a teeny tiny bit more when he's smart and not in crappy comfort clothes - and comfort can marry with neat and tidy - I'm not suggesting cravat and monocle here.

TurquoiseMermaid · 22/11/2023 14:28

I don't mean to sound classicist or snobbish, but what is his background? Is he from a very working class background?

I fly a lot, and the idea that you have to dress up to fly is quite a working class concept I think -- the whole idea that you don't want anyone to think that you're poor, that you need to impress people. While the wealthiest people dress like absolute tramps, and frequent fliers dress for comfort.

Historybooks · 22/11/2023 14:35

Loubelle70 · 22/11/2023 14:23

This. Or one who is always 'made up'

Show quote history

I don't. It doesn't matter. He shouldn't be comparing at its just an airport, not even the office.

coffeestrongblacknosugar · 22/11/2023 14:36

Mathea · 22/11/2023 13:18

Thank you for the kind comments.

To those who asked - he was wearing navy blue chinos, Sketcher slip-on navy shoes, and a blue cotton top with a collar. He just looked normal.

His main issue was that my trainers are old and he thinks they look dirty (I don't think they do, and I had put them in washing machine last week).

SKECHERS! errrr No! He gets to say heehaw about your attire if he wears Skechers! Ok, that was meow bitchy, but how dare he comment anything negative about your trainers.

He needs a big fat reality check. And you my dear need to get a spine because this sort of negging will grind you down and you WILL turn into the 50s stereotype wife trying to please him all the time. BTW you won't ever succeed because he is a dick.