Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort

[Mathea]

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Please tell him I think he’s a total prick, and a negging control freak. I’d dump him if I were you.

And sartorial judgement is a bit fucking rich from someone wearing Sketcher slip-ons. 🖕🏻

LOL, I wear Sketchers every day! However, I do not ever judge what anyone else is wearing.

Surely everyone knows the rule for footwear at airports is wear something you can slip on and off quickly? (Not really relevant for UK airports, at least not in my experience but some coughTSAcough are really strict about shoes off.)

"WHAT is your PROBLEM, Gerald?! Get a grip!!"

Quite. And in particular, it makes life much easier for both you and the airport staff if you have shoes that are easy to take on and off, as you will be asked to take them off when going through security.

He sounds like a controlling wanker that wants a piece of eye candy on his arm.
DH would only notice what was on my feet to the airport if they were either proper scratty or ridiculous heels-either way he'd question my choice in a jokey manner presuming I'd lost the plot.
As a side note the description of your husband's airport atire would give me the ick so hardly one to fucking talk is he?

Make an effort? Who does he think will be looking or even care?

Hopefully her trainer around his head!!

@Mathea your trainers are totally fine for the airport. Things have moved on since 1955.

id be suspicious he's playing away and now inventing 'reasons' for it.

If you like trainers then they are fine.

I do not like trainers unless exercise or running etc. People do not wear shoes anymore when there are so many nice ones. I wear shoes to the airport and on holiday to walk in during the day, like leather ballet pumps or a low wedge, comfortable but an actual shoe.

It isn’t about the trainers.

You are underperforming for him in some way, or not coming up to scratch compared to someone- who might be someone he fancies a bit or maybe the partner of someone he feels in competition with, or maybe he’s emotionally immature and wants to feel in a place to judge people, and your shoes spoil that.

Whats the actual problem with being scruffy, what actual feelings does it stir up that he can’t cope with. How does he feel about you judging his character in the same way as he’s judging your trainers.

I do not like trainers unless exercise or running etc. People do not wear shoes anymore when there are so many nice ones. I wear shoes to the airport and on holiday to walk in during the day, like leather ballet pumps or a low wedge, comfortable but an actual shoe.

okay. you like leather ballet pumps. some people like trainers. some people like flip flops. some people prefer to be barefoot. some people like high heels. isn’t it fantastic how different people are, and that we are not all the same!

I had an ex who would 'dress up' for the plane. Always a collar and always shoes. It was like a hangover from 1950's air travel. Very odd.

I think they look cute! There's usually a lot of walking in airports and it's important to be comfy on flights, so I would prioritize comfort over style. And I'm usually a dressy person.

This was my first thought! How oddly old fashioned!

Very weird of him

dressing “for the airport” - to sensible people” - means comfortable and practical clothes/shoes. only someone really insecure would deliberately dress up just for the airport - unless you really love fashion and felt the airport trip was a fun occasion, each to their own. But to feel the need when it’s not to please yourself, is just bizarre.

is he otherwise a prick?

I agree, you have a DH problem. If my DH had said that to me - other than in jest - I would have taken off my trainers and carried on with bare feet.

What a dick!

He wanted an upgrade. I would laugh and tell him it’s not going to happen. While you are away put ribbons or something stupid on your shoes.

This is just what my ex used to do to ‘ruin’ the holiday. He’s cause an argument before we went. Tell me I as sulking or too emotional and then use it to be foul on holiday etc until I didn’t want to go with him and he just went alone on his own

What the hell is wrong with him, they are perfectly fine and you have lovely tanned slim ankles.

Is he always like this, little put downs to keep you in your place and if you are in a good mood does he try to bring you down, is he a control freak.
Did he want you to wear high heels and a bloodywell pencil skirt.
Tell him to just stop it if he does this again on holiday and if he does go off and have a nice boat trip by yourself and enjoy the peace and quiet.
People that put you down like that for no reason are just mean spirited and take enjoyment to put others down to make themselves feel better, tell him to feck off with himself if he does this again.

I'll just be honest.
I don't like the trainers because of the colour and texture but zim quite old and have quite possibly missed this style out.
He sounds like he is ;

• controlling ?
• anxious?
• maybe takes his own feelings out on other people / you / you're his fall guy.

What stands out is

• he didn't care about spoiling the start of the holiday / is this a pattern with birthdays, Christmas etc?

-,he did you down when he us supposed to be your partner which is not nice. How was his dad towards his mum??

You weren't 'going to the airport' but you were going to get on a plane and fly however many miles through the skies. It's important to be comfortable, your feet might swell up and if you've got laced shoes on you have some flexibility for your feet. Also, they will stay on your feet so if, God forbid, the plane should crash and you have to scramble out over hot metal then you stand a much better chance of escaping to safety.

But it's not about that. It's about him starting to criticise you, a few years into marriage, and thinking he can control you.

I wouldn’t be taking fashion advice from a man wearing slip ons!
He is trying to control you and break your confidence, big red flags for me.

I would be telling him that it is appropriate that you feel uplifted by going on a holiday with him and that you left home happy and looking forward to the time away.
Tell him his comments made you feel low and not at all special.

Tell him that his opinion on your trainers were mean spirited, not useful and that any opinion he expressed about how you look effect how you feel.

Tell him his own comments reflected badly on the type of person he projected himself to be. He showed himself to be unkind and that you hope he steps up for the rest of the holiday or it is not worth going.

My grandparents took a trip to Europe from the U.S. on PanAm in 1957. Somewhere there’s a photo of them and my grandpa has a suit & tie on and my Nana is all dolled up wearing white gloves and a hat. And pearls, I believe.

It’s 2023, almost 2024, @Mathea— tell your DH to catch up.

In my world it's really not normal to worry about what you wear to the airport, other than in terms of comfort and the climate of the country you are travelling to.

He sounds very critical.

Be careful OP, you haven't married well.

He's a nasty dud who will slowly grind you down with his horrible little comments and leave you a shell.

You haven't had children yet, you have a chance to not get stuck.

Start writing down every unpleasant, belittling comment he has said to you.

There is nothing wrong with your choice of footware, but your husband is definitely a mistake.

In 30+ years of marriage my husband has never made a comment like that towards me.

This is not normal behaviour.

It is not normal in a healthy loving relationship to belittle and chip away at your partners appearance.
It is what abusive arseholes do.

He is 100% showing you EXACTLY who he is.
Please believe him.
Genuinely loving men do not do this.