Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort

[Mathea]

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

That’s so weird, your trainers are fine. Wtf is it important to make an effort at the airport? Never heard the like.

Opens Mumsnet
Wonders what the hell is wrong with some men...
Closes Mumsnet.

Honestly the state of how some dress on planes and he’s bothered about your trainers.

What was this style icon of a DH wearing himself?

Your post made me feel quite sad. Someone who's meant to love and cherish you went out of his way to make you feel shit when you should have been excited for the holiday. Is he often like this?

We have been together for 3 years.

@Sugarcoatedcandycane you ask:
What is your relationship like on the physical side? Does he still show he’s attracted to you?

He does often tell me he finds me attractive. But he has made comments in the past about how he doesn't like certain things I wear.

But the other day, I didn't get the feeling that he did find me attractive.

But sometimes I don't love his compliments. For example, the other day he said that some summer trousers 'suit me a lot better than jeans do'. That made me think he doesn't think I look great in jeans (tell me if I'm overreacting!)

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off?

Brush it off? What’s to brush off? It’s perfectly ok to wear comfortable trainers to fly off on holiday. They look absolutely fine. There’s nothing about them which would draw any negative attention!
Does your dh always appraise you with such a critical eye?

I was just thinking that! Plus, it's important you are comfortable for travelling. Planes are not the most comfortable of places.

There must be more going on.

I could maybe understand a surprised reaction if you had told him you were going to wear the other pair.

I honestly couldn't give two hoots what shoes DH wears! And he wore his trainers to marry me! (Because he didn't want to be standing all day in uncomfortable shoes.)

I ran this past my DP who said 'Who gives a rat's arse what you wear to the airport?'
My trainers are really old and tatty and he'd never commented.
I think your husband was out of order.

Hmmmm I'm suspicious over this. Bit of an odd thing to over react about, ask him if he's happy in your marriage.

This 🤣🤣

It doesn’t sound like he sees you as an equal, more just some arm candy, there to bolster him. It also feels controlling.

is there other elements of your life where he is like this, like does he share the chores, the cooking etc, expect sex when he chooses?

Men mostly barely notice these things but if he is consistently raising it then it's not good. Unless you recently started dressing differently or changed style?

I wore similar trainers when we set off on holiday a couple of weeks ago. We were upgraded to Premium at check in. Goes to show the dressing up to get upgraded theory doesn't necessarily work.

Either he’s a knob who is deliberately trying to make you feel small, or he’s mistakenly got the idea that a sharp outfit might get you an upgrade because it won’t- they only go to elite status members and when the airline needs to move people for operational reasons.

’Summer trousers suit you a lot better than jeans do’ is a backhanded compliment, i.e. not a compliment at all!

I like your trainers they're nice. He sounds like an asshole and even if they were rubbish trainers he's still an asshole.

Thanks everyone for confirming there's nothing wrong with the trainers. I was starting to doubt myself, thinking that maybe I was missing something about how bad they were.

It did feel sad to be feeling flat on the plane, when I should have been excited about going in holiday.

Is he from a different background? I have a few cultures in mind that dresses up for airports due to insecurity and very shallow image obsessed. Your trainers look fine and fairly new. The trousers comment wouldnt bother me personally but his tone or facial expression when he said it might have. I dont see it as all jeans look bad on you i think we all know how the slightest thing can make jeans look good or bad and that it is a recognised problem with many women to find the right pair of jeans that genuinely fit well on the high street, its a common clothing item that can vary wildly in fit .

3 years in and the brain chemicals are wearing off and you are now seeing the real man.

Watch, observe and listen and decide if he’s still the chap for you.

I once dated a man who criticised my clothes. I never dated another. I wear clothes far crazier than your trainers - which seem like a normal thing to wear to an airport.

The trainers are absolutely fine. What’s going on with him? Is he trying to find fault for some reason?

My DH used to get mildly annoyed if I wore smart heeled shoes on a date as we'd have to get taxis. I took this as carte blanche to wear comfortable shoes and trainers (I did mostly anyway, but was trying to make an effort to look glam early on). He doesn't like "sexy" shoes and heels at all. Hurrah.

Is that really your main concern, if the trainers are ok or not? Because it really is the last of your issues.

Why can’t you wear heels if you’re getting a taxi?

I genuinely expected some monstrosities, filthy, holes. In fact I even half expected crocs ffs! But those are fine.

I agree. This isn’t about the trainers.

He's being ridiculous, the trainers are perfectly fine. I don't even think my DP would notice what I had on my feet. It sounds like he could be negging you to bring you down.

From this article:
"It involves making negative comments about someone's appearance, character, or behavior in an effort to make them feel bad about themselves."