Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort

[Mathea]

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

I'm in no way agreeing with anything that he said, just trying to understand. The trainers are like a light pistachio green- did he think they were originally white and were dirty?

So he’s dressed like a snobby prick and you’re shocked he’s snobby?

How is he dressed like a snobby prick?

Chinos, Skechers slip ons & a top with a collar (polo shirt?)

What's snobby about that?

The most worrying thing about this is his snide comment about your trainers has made you doubt yourself. This means either you are insecure in yourself and/or your relationship. Even if he made an off comment, you should be able to either tell him he's being ridiculous then forget about it or ignore it. That you are still ruminating about it a couple days later and requiring validation here is telling.
Some soul searching is needed.

It's not beside the point, as the trainers is what the original comment was about and the OP also posted a photo of them.

@penjil i can’t be arsed debating this with you, further but it’s glaringly obvious that the trainers aren’t the main issue here. What some rando thinks of them on mumsnet wont change the fact the husband is unpleasant. That was my point.

He sounds like a cunt

The trainers are definitely not the issue here.
It could be that he purposely tried to spoil the beginning of the holiday. A way of control. Eventually you learn not to get excited about holidays, birthdays, Christmas as something will always be engineered to ruin the occasion.

Reading this.... I'm actually quite worried about you. Is he always so critical?

Let's hope this isn't the start of a load of pain in the arse behaviour on the holiday.
Or deliberate behaviours aimed at starting a row to make you out to be the bad person for whatever reason.

Your trainers are fine.
Your DH however is a twat. I really couldn't put up with him. 😎

Why does he think it's important.to wear nice things to the airport?

you need to be comfortable at the airport.
its not the fashion show.

Trainers are trainers. It's not like they're dressing up, so it's weird that they've got to be new. Modern flying is not about looking dressy and formal, it's about being practical and comfortable.

Is he mental? You're practically obliged to look like 50 shades of shit at an airport. You need to be comfy, not smart. I take my onesie on board when we fly to Perth!

He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport'

Since when? Is he not used to flying? Most people think it's important to dress comfortably when you go to the airport.

Has he explained why it's supposedly important to look smart at the airport? I mean, who does he think cares? Does he think the King is personally waiting to usher you onto the aircraft? It's not as if anyone can even see your feet when you're on the plane.

I agree with the people saying it sounds very much like the beginning of a controlling relationship. Maybe take a look at some articles online and see if anything looks familiar.

The trainers are fine. Next time he starts you make comments about what he is wearing

He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport’

Right.

1. it's a completely unacceptable comment
2. I've known two ghastly people like this in my life, full of comments like that and They were always impressed with people they did'nt really know that well, but critical and mean to people they saw everyday, ie family, children, partners. both had nasty underlying characters - which DID NOT improve with age. They were obsessed with money and status.

It's important to him because in fact you are an accessory to HIM.

He is both arrogant and insecure at the same time. He thinks everyone's eye is upon him, and so he must accessorise himself with a stunningly well dressed partner. or be shamed and all those interested observers (think of MIC's Mark Francis writing an airport fashion opinion piece) will think less of HIM.

They will be just horrified that not only are your trainers not brand spanking new but GASP! they are not even the latest model or the best brand. Now your DH's social credit has plummeted, all because he didn't monitor your trainer choice before leaving for the airport. Oh the Shame! What will the passport people think of him at the Destination airport.

I'd be really tempted to and wind him up good and proper.

OP: I think those chinos look really good on you DH, I'm sure no one will think its little bit Proud Boy with that polo shirt?

OP: Navy is such a very sensible and practical colour - its just...
DH: Just what?
OP: Well nothing really, but don't you think it makes you look a bit washed out/ bit Wimbledon Ball Boy?

OP: (at dinner) There's no shame in overdoing it on holiday. You've always looked great in your swimwear DH, - a few more sit ups should do the trick.

OP: (at the pool) Let me help you with the sun cream DH - you always look so much better with a tan,

and so on. Im sure with the real life inspiration in front of you - you can think of some Bazzingers. I hope it takes the wind out of his very inflated sails.

Dressing up to go to an airport - my arse.

Now if you were talking about a candlelit meal at a motorway services I might agree!

Flying/holiday - were your larges/most comfortable shoes.

My judgement is he has focused on your shoes because he doesn’t like your style and he is telling you he finds you frumpy. Again my assumption would be that you’ve put on weight and he’s pissed off about it, but you know more than me.

@Mathea

The thing that stuck out to me is that he said "People need to make an effort in their marriage". He didn't say "People need to make an effort to look spiffy when they travel".

So it sounds to me as if he feels you need to make 'more of an effort' in your marriage. Not saying he's right AT ALL, but I'd sure be asking him just what the fuck he thinks I'm 'lacking' in as far as our marriage was concerned. Unless of course he's just an arsehole and you're tired of putting up with his shit.

He’s probably referring to the brown discolouration on them. It’s not glaringly noticeable but they are slightly dirty. Since he’s inclined to pick things apart he’s just making a big deal out of it. It’s not like other people would even notice.

I do always make an effort with clothes, shoes and make up every day. I do it for me. Husband wouldn't notice or care if I dressed in a bin bag.

@Mathea

It seems your DH thinks that you've genererally "Let yourself go" and no longer make an effort for him/appreciate him in the marriage?

His comment can't just be about the trainers so it doesnt make sense to focus on this.There's a huge back story here that you need to address with him. Obviously a bunch of strangers on the Internet will only answer based on our biases and a tiny snippet of info from one incident.