Husband got annoyed at shoes I was wearing to airport and said I needed to make more effort

[Mathea]

I was hoping to get some views on something that happened a couple of days ago.

My husband and I got into a taxi to go to the airport. We were off on holiday.

As soon as I got in the taxi, he looked at my shoes and got annoyed. He said 'you're not wearing those old trainers to the airport are you, why didn't you wear your new ones?'

I said I didn't because my new ones were covered in mud from a park run, and I wanted to bring trainers on holiday and may as well wear them to the airport (all the other shoes I was bringing were sandals). I said I didn't think they were that bad, although they definitely don't look new.

He got annoyed and irritated. He says 'it's important that you make an effort when you go to the airport' and that I 'don't look scruffy'.

Once we were at the airport, I questioned him about what exactly was so bad about them, and I said I thought it was weird how he was so annoyed. He said they are awful. He then started talking about how it's important to make an effort in a marriage.

On the plane, I felt quite flat and a bit upset by all this. I'm not fussed that he doesn't dig my old trainers. It was the way he got annoyed about them as we were off on holiday, and that I felt he was embarrassed by me.

I then wondered if I was being too sensitive.

Are the old trainers really so terrible? Pic attached.

Would this bother others, or would you just brush it off? Do others think, like I do, that it's weird that he got annoyed?

Next time you’re going on holiday (if you haven’t LTB by then), throw on a mini skirt and some 6 inch heels and tell Mr. Fashionista it’s because you believe in making an effort in a marriage.

What a twat he is.

If you were flying low-cost to southern Europe, they're fine. For anywhere else, not so much, although he could of course have been a lot nicer about it (as a PP mentioned, I wonder if he was potentially hoping for an upgrade? That would never happen in this case, sadly).

I'd love to know what your husband was wearing, to make such comments.

He's a massive dick

DICKHEAD! - Absolutely nothing wrong with them at all.

If he ever flew business or even first class, he might be surprised to see how many people wear any old thing. Giving a toss what you wear to the airport or on a plane is a sure sign of being unused to it.

Criteria for shoes to wear to the airport:

1. can I get them off quickly if they have to go through the annoying security scanner
2. Nope, that’s it

Oh I'd have to start batting back

'Seriously? You're wearing those trousers?'

'No no no you can't wear that jacket to see our friends for lunch'

'Why are you wearing that hideous thing?'

Every
Single
Time

You need to start behaving like a Stepford Wife whose wiring has gone wrong..

He is a controlling dick and out of date at that. I say that as a woman in my 60s with a very traditional DH. If he very dared.

Your trainers are absolutely fine BTW and if he thinks not, he has a problem but potentially you have a bigger problem.

Download the domestic abuse questionnaire here. I got this from the family mediators centre.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=thefma.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/DARA-KENT-VERSION.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiN6PqFydeCAxVhZEEAHadsDx8QFnoECCQQAQ&usg=AOvVaw2MwDNtxb2ykIYoLDejzDwY

This was my first question also. What was the style guru himself wearing?

spot on, we travel first class, and my hubby's favourite attire is jogging pants and I wear leggings, both with comfy trainers.

completely wrong !

He’s a twat. Wear what you want.

How old are you OP out of interest?

I’ll probably get flamed for this but I think those trainers with the jeans combo is a bit “mum”, I think it’s the colour tbh.

No need for him to be rude to you though! I’ve worn some shockers in my time and my husband will just say “hmmm not your best look, I prefer x” and sometimes I’ll agree and change or sometimes I’ll say “tough shit” and wear it anyway! Same works for me to him.

I had a particular airport outfit for about 3 years that my husband recently revealed he hated 😂 so I bought a new (but still very comfy) one because who doesn’t want to be attractive to their spouse on a romantic break?

It's easy for me to jump to this conclusion since I don't know him or you and have no emotional connection to the situation, but it strikes me that people (men) are often short tempered, unreasonable and lash out when they are hiding something and forced into a situation where it's either harder to hide, or they are forced to go without whatever vice they are hiding. His bad temper and lashing out at you over literally nothing (your trainers look brand new and perfectly smart) - could it be that he's panicking because he's about to be "trapped" on holiday with you where he can't drink/gamble/take drugs/see OW/visit prostitutes?

Like I say, I have very little to base this theory on. It's just what popped into my head when I read the OP.

what a twat, it's blood airport not the Ritz

He could be behaving like this for any number of reasons op. Does he usually spoil things you are excited or happy about? Does he find certain environments stressful and takes it out on those around him? Is he often critical about things other people do or just you? Are appearances important to him? Have they always been? As others have said it sounds like it's a bigger issue than just trainers but finding out what it is and deciding if you want to tolerate it are two different things.

I was expecting this type of trainer not what you're wearing! I agree with the vast majority that he's a prick! Enjoy your holiday op, don't let that bastard get you down! (Stock image not mine)

It's not a trainer problem, it's a dickhead problem.

Man be batshit

I usually wear trainers to travel in. So what they're comfortable. You do a lot of walking at the airport.

Ew, that is not the sort of person you need in your life.

Yes.

Does he criticise other aspects of your behaviour, choices, OP?
Is he supportive of your friendships, family connections?

My first thought is he is a dick.

My second is that he is mentally comparing you to someone else. Has someone new started at his work or appeared in your friendship group? Is he getting more conscious of his clothing/fitness/diet etc. He may not be having an affair but it sounds like someone has turned his head and this is the start of the script for it being your fault.

Listen to your spidey senses because they are usually right. I hope this is just him being a bit of a one off dickhead and you have a lovely holiday. But its all about him, not you, whatever the reason.

Don't be ridiculous. You can wear whatever you're comfy in for flying so long as it's clean and tolerably decent. 😂