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Original poster

Is 3 months into a new relationship too soon to declare love?

201 replies

Whereisautumn · 16/11/2023 17:52

3 months into a new relationship. Absolutely head over heels! We have both said we are in love with each other. Already talking about moving in together next year.

We have actually known each other for 18 months prior to getting into the relationship.

My question is.... in your opinion is it all too soon? I.e expressing our love already? Or do you think sometimes if it's right you just know?

A little niggle in my head makes me think it's too good to be true and are we rushing?

Thanks ladies

OP posts:
SirChenjins · 17/12/2023 21:20

escapethemaze · 17/12/2023 21:13

i always wonder where these relationships end up a few months / years later!

Well, we got engaged after 6 weeks and that was 30 years ago. Mil and FiL got engaged after a long weekend, saw each other theee times before they married (he was in the RAF) and were married for almost 60 years before he died. That’s where 2 of them ended up!

hugohumbug · 17/12/2023 22:10

I don't think moving in together in summer, after knowing each other for theee years is unreasonable at all. As there is a kid just make sure they are put first and they are safe and secure.

We were kids but we said it after a month. 17 years later we are still together. No problem moving quickly but as I am now an adult I wouldn't introduce them to DD for a long time and I wouldn't put her at any risk.

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 06:08

SirChenjins · 17/12/2023 21:20

Well, we got engaged after 6 weeks and that was 30 years ago. Mil and FiL got engaged after a long weekend, saw each other theee times before they married (he was in the RAF) and were married for almost 60 years before he died. That’s where 2 of them ended up!

Show quote history

would you do it again? are you happy?
Is your in laws marriage one you look at as positive healthy and full of love?

Thats more the side i’m curious about rather than whether they’ve last the years

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 18/12/2023 06:15

I haven’t got a good history (fair warning given) but I’d have gone all in by now. All best of luck OP.

ChihuahuaMummy · 18/12/2023 06:18

I don't think it's too soon if it feels right. By 3 months my husband and I were engaged and living together and were married 6 months after that. Been married 9 years now and still very happy.

ChihuahuaMummy · 18/12/2023 06:20

I meant to also add that DH said he loved me on our first date.

AGirlWithAHandOnHerArm · 18/12/2023 06:35

I may hold the record here;

one week in. I was 19, him 26. That was almost 24 years ago and we have been married 15 years next September. But in hindsight that was ridiculously soon…..

SirChenjins · 18/12/2023 07:16

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 06:08

would you do it again? are you happy?
Is your in laws marriage one you look at as positive healthy and full of love?

Thats more the side i’m curious about rather than whether they’ve last the years

Show quote history

Yes we’re happy - why wouldn’t we be? We haven’t stayed together to prove a point!

Would I worry if my DC did the same? Of course! You don't really know someone after such a short period - but it can and does work. Our friends were married after 6 months and that was 31 years ago - also happily married.

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 07:31

Yes we’re happy - why wouldn’t we be? We haven’t stayed together to prove a point!

So you don’t think anyone stays together without being happy?

and your in laws?

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 07:34

my ex in-laws together 52 years

It’s like watching two people despise one another interact

sparkedsparkle · 18/12/2023 07:40

Been with dp for 10 years now, we'd seen each other in passing and a mutual mate set us up on a night out, just a general pub date chit chat etc. we hit it off, said the love yous early and I actually ended up pregnant a month in, whilst on pill but miscarried but then we moved in together shortly after. Now have 2 dc

ReadtheReviews · 18/12/2023 07:45

It's not too early to fall in love. It IS too early to know whether what you're in love with is best behaviour rather than their true self.
That's why if children are involved, you don't rush mixing lives together.

autienotnaughty · 18/12/2023 07:46

I met my dh in august (he was a friend of a friend so he was well known to people close to me) started dating in September. Told each other we loved each other in December. He met my kids in the January , I intended to leave it longer to meet kids but I really loved him and didn't want to get more entrenched if the kids didn't get on with him. We built their relationship slowly, he moved in about two years after he met kids (although he had slept over plenty by then) we have been together 15 years now and married 6 years.

I wouldn't rush. That lust at the start of a relationship is very powerful but not long lasting. You need to see what's behind the lust.

LizzieSiddal · 18/12/2023 07:47

Showtime79 · 16/11/2023 18:35

All these we knew and moved in together after after X number of weeks etc is fine if you were single and didn’t have kids but if you have recently come out of a marriage or long relationship and have a child then it is very relevant.

Agree with this. Dh and I met, said I Love You, got engaged then married all within 5 months. I look back absolutely horrified, we were very niave and stupid to do it! (We were 22). We joke we are lucky one of us wasn’t a psychopath and brought up our DDs to think they should not replicate our experience.

We are happily married and about to celebrate 35 years but we are very lucky!

ReadtheReviews · 18/12/2023 07:51

Oh, since you're asking for stories, I had one person love bomb me, very intense on the phone talking for hours, major chemistry when together, hand holding, talking about families and kiss. I had one dd. I said I wouldn't introduce them for at least 6 months. He was a bit arsey.
He then started withholding sex and being quite weird about things. Gaslighting me. Sulking. There were a coupele of odd syories such as his last ex who had moved out when he was at work and left her really precious posessions. Big blowups with his colleagues.I broke it off.
He didn't. Stop. Messaging.
I was so grateful I'd never brought him home so he didn't know where I lived.

And look at the numerous people on here who leave an abusive relationship and are then like beacons for another abusive person behaving sweet as pie, to .move right in. Very fast. Hope you aren't one of these op.

SirChenjins · 18/12/2023 08:07

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 07:34

my ex in-laws together 52 years

It’s like watching two people despise one another interact

That’s a shame - and I imagine that’s influenced your questioning.

Of course people stay together when they’re unhappy - but they do that regardless of the length of time they knew each other before they got married. You didn’t ask me about ‘people’ though, you asked me about us and my parents in law.

Spacecowboys · 18/12/2023 08:13

No I don’t think 3 months is too soon to say I love you. We had, but it was another four years before we moved in together. There were no children involved and if there had been, I’d have been even more cautious before living together. IMO you can’t afford to get it wrong when there are little ones.

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 16:01

SirChenjins · 18/12/2023 08:07

That’s a shame - and I imagine that’s influenced your questioning.

Of course people stay together when they’re unhappy - but they do that regardless of the length of time they knew each other before they got married. You didn’t ask me about ‘people’ though, you asked me about us and my parents in law.

Show quote history

yes

and you answered about your own marriage

so i simply followed up with a question about your in laws 🤷‍♀️

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 08:48

jays · 17/12/2023 21:18

When you’re in love you’re in love! Which is so sweet and I’m really happy for you! We exchanged ‘I love you’ very early on and have been together for years! And I still love him just as much and more. There’s no right time, I just think it’s such a lucky and lovely thing to fall in love and to be loved back, life is short! Enjoy and congratulations!

it’s different when you have children though. It’s not just a “when you’re in love you’re i in love”.

Well, it’s not for me but going by many a thread on mumsnet… it is for others

jays · 19/12/2023 08:52

Fair point. I didn’t get involved with anyone when I was raising my children and I was on good terms with their dad who was very involved. I would never had let any other man have a say in their life and I’d never have been able to put any guy first so I didn’t see the point. Very true that it’s different when children are involved.

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 10:40

escapethemaze · 18/12/2023 16:01

yes

and you answered about your own marriage

so i simply followed up with a question about your in laws 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

No, you asked “So you don’t think anyone stays together without being happy?” (ie ‘people’)

And then asked about my in laws.

jadey1991 · 19/12/2023 11:05

Me and dh have been together 16 years. Both in out mid 30's. He was my first love. We both declared our love for each other 3 months into relationship. Now we have 4 children together. Ranging from 15 years to 2 weeks old.

You will defo know when the time is right. Always go woth your heart x

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 11:56

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 10:40

No, you asked “So you don’t think anyone stays together without being happy?” (ie ‘people’)

And then asked about my in laws.

Show quote history

so do i presume you that do not regard your inlaws long marriage as a happy healthy loving one?

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 11:56

sorry name change!

SirChenjins · 19/12/2023 12:55

velvetoptions · 19/12/2023 11:56

so do i presume you that do not regard your inlaws long marriage as a happy healthy loving one?

Show quote history

You can ignore my earlier response and presume what you like, it’s no skin off my nose.