Is 3 months into a new relationship too soon to declare love?

[Whereisautumn]

3 months into a new relationship. Absolutely head over heels! We have both said we are in love with each other. Already talking about moving in together next year.

We have actually known each other for 18 months prior to getting into the relationship.

My question is.... in your opinion is it all too soon? I.e expressing our love already? Or do you think sometimes if it's right you just know?

A little niggle in my head makes me think it's too good to be true and are we rushing?

Thanks ladies

You wouldn’t have ‘missed the love of your life’. You just wouldn’t have inflicted a virtual stranger on your children’s lives by moving someone you barely knew into their home — you could have had the same relationship, but moved more slowly.

With respect that's very different to wondering whether it a too soon to express love after a few months. The OP is taking things at a very different pace to you and not thinking of moving in for many months. She's more similar to someone waiting 3 years than you!

We said I love you within weeks - in retrospect we both felt it on the first night but obviously weren’t quite mad enough to declare it at that stage. I thought I’d lost my mind, it was a total coup de foudre.

Our story is a bit unusual in that our “first” meeting wasn’t actually our first - we had a brief teenage romance in the late 90’s and our “first” date was actually us reconnecting 24 years later.

A year on we are still very very much in love. He is the best. He will meet my kids in a few months, moving in together is still a few years away and we were talking marriage very early on.

In contrast, I was with my first husband 7 years before we got married and then another 5 before we had kids, so the opposite of a whirlwind. His lack of empathy escalated into abuse after marriage and ramped up dramatically after kids so I don’t think lots of time is the only answer to effective due diligence on prospective partners.

I would also urge caution. My ex husband was an abusive narcissist and it all moved quickly. Worst mistake of my life. Ended up with the police involved and 8 years after divorce, he’s still a nightmare. My daughter (his daughter) is scarred from the experience.

I have met a man in the last year and he’s perfect for me. No doubts. Our children are both teenagers and we will be waiting for 4/5 years until we live together as they need to be independent first now. We won’t even stay over if the children are home. Would never put them in that position.

I just want to add that in both of the cases I mentioned in my previous post, there were no children involved.

We said it after about 6 weeks and have now been together 4 years and moved in together about 3 months ago.

Me and my ex husband also said it fairly soon and were together 17 years, married 13.

Ii think sometimes people go a bit OTT over 3 words. No, you shouldn't say it unless you feel it but if you both feel it then why not say it? You're not bound together by contract because you have!

The moving in together when children are involved I would hold off on though as that has more potential issues.

Seems fine to me but then we said it at three months and have now been together seven years and married for five. It just works.

I moved in within DH within 3 months….17 years later we’re still together.

Who has the kid op?

I'd say go for it - the worse that can happen is that it won't work out long but not telling him you love him won't change that outcome.

There is more to life than cosmopolitan-ish rules of when its appropriate to have sex, say "I love you" or move in together

I'm not sure why people are conflating saying "I love you" and moving in together... They are very different things! Just because you feel in love with someone, jt doesn't mean that you are ready to live with them!

The OP has already said I love you, and is talking about moving in together next year. Next year starts in 6 weeks.
So I think that's why people are conflating the two.

Me and dh said it after 8 weeks while we were on holiday in Spain,pregnant a month later and married 3 years after that.

I knew I loved my DP 3 months in. I think we said I love you around the 3 month mark actually. And we moved in together shortly after we'd been together a year

I don't think it's at all unusual to say that you love each other after three months. I knew I was in love with my husband after about three weeks and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We moved in together after we'd known each other for three months. I was just 18 at the time and I'm almost 66 now, and we're still together.

Op, how quickly did you and your husband say I love you? Or to other posters that are with their 'happy ever after', did you have previous relationships with proclamation of love early on?

Cos I did.

I've had an ex who did the early ' I love you' and ended up raping me quite regularly throughout our relationship. I've also had another ex with much romance and was physically and emotionally abused. Had a child with another who was controlling. Had a few in between who ticked along OK but still didn't last.

I am now in a long term relationship where I am extremely happy and content, but didn't declare feelings for a long time and tend to show love rather than just say it.

There's no hard and fast rule, enjoy the journey, look after the child, don't rush the future. It takes years to know someone

@baileys6904 my point exactly - it literally does not matter how soon you'll say it so you may as well do it and enjoy the feeling while it lasts

however - i was with my ex for 9 years before we got married...that should have been my hint to not get married at all to that bastard 😂

how’s it going OP? Did you say the L word? !

Me and DP said it very quickly, certainly quicker than 3 months, and we've been together 6 years now, still going strong.

Oh yes many many times! Thank you for asking 😊 We've been together nearly 4 months now and I feel lucky every day. He is a wonderful man.

but hopefully all talk of moving in together parked for a long time to come?!

11 weeks in, he said it first but since we have admitted we felt it sooner but didnt say it. We had both decided on that weekend away to say it. No regrets. He is the love of my life. Its very easy with him

All being well we have talked about Summer next year to move in together. We will have been together a year by then and known each other for 3 years.

i always wonder where these relationships end up a few months / years later!

When you’re in love you’re in love! Which is so sweet and I’m really happy for you! We exchanged ‘I love you’ very early on and have been together for years! And I still love him just as much and more. There’s no right time, I just think it’s such a lucky and lovely thing to fall in love and to be loved back, life is short! Enjoy and congratulations!