Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I've come across my first picture of a man with fish (after a month on OLD).

I was supposed to meet someone for the 3rd time, but he had to cancel due to being sick (funnily enough I'm not 100% either so was actually relieved, although would have liked to see him).

Gosh it's so difficult not to invest emotionally when you hardly ever meet someone you'd like to take things further with.

It's been 2 and a half years since I split with my EXDP, and I've had no relationships since. I'd really like to meet someone special.

Been internet dating, and Tinder has been great for me for matching with potentials, I just need to meet one where we both want to take it beyond a first date!

@RosieAway
I know what you mean. I've been single 18 months and I miss the old bugger and other men really aren't clicking for me in the same way. I know he'd be back in a shot if I let him.

I remind myself that despite the good parts of our relationship, it's a relief to be free of the bad parts. I was so unhappy too often and would never go back to that. Highs and lows in a relationship are addictive - look at trauma bonding.

I’ve been single now over 4 years and only met one person so far I was attracted to and he admitted after a couple of dates he has ED and is unable to have PIV so I’m not exactly the poster girl for this thread 🤷‍♀️

Im amazed by the people who say they have a date every week or are juggling several men at the same time because I can literally count my dates on my fingers.

I’ve had 100’s of likes, lots of matches but almost all either fizzle out quickly or they turn the chat sexual very quickly then I’m out

@RosieAway it's because you haven't met anyone else that you are seeing your ex with rose tinted glasses. That feeling of being seen after an abusive, soulless relationship, is highly addictive. What id say is keep looking rather than staying in the past.

A friend had an ex who she was besotted with who was about to return after a long period away. She was so driven to meet someone new because she didn't want to be single when her ex came back. And tbh i think it really helped her to have someone else.

@SamW98 you sound a bit like me here. I don't believe for one thing that people have dates unless they have lots of free time and perhaps different standards. My only friends who did this were either childless or really went for any bloke who paid them attention.

I do think there must be a happy medium and perhaps I'm too picky. I seem to look at people like they are potential serial killers half the time!

How many men have you been on dates with in the 4 years @SamW98? Obviously only answer if you're comfortable to.

I've been on 9 first dates since July last year, which was 2 years since I'd split with my EXDP. Feel like perhaps I'm being too picky, but then again feel like if I'm looking for a life companion, I should^^ be selective lol

I like to go on dates when my DC are at their Dads (EOW, plus a bit of school holidays). I do have access to childcare during the evenings, but don't really want to share with them (close relative) who I'm meeting 😳😳😳

@RosieAway . The short answer is Yes. I sort of think it's me, I am not an emotionally strong person. I actually feel like this today. Just a bit shit really. I try and tell myself that every moment I think of HIM is a moment of my life wasted. Every time he pops into my head is a moment wasted. See if that helps, it's just something to try.

@Starseeking

6 dates only one lead to a second, 2 others wanted to meet again but I wasn’t feeling it, the others there was no spark between us.

I only did OLD from early last year until about sept/oct. I didn’t enjoy it, I found it boring plus far too many sleazes.

I’ve met a few men out and about as well but none of them went anywhere either.

Obviously lockdown and restrictions coincided with me becoming single so not the time to date plus I actually wanted to enjoy socialising and building female friendships once we were back to normal so it was only this time last year I decided to try OLD and it didn’t really work for me. I don’t think I’m too fussy but I’m also not going to settle for the wrong sort of man.

My DS is an adult now - just about - so I’m not restricted in that sense. I do have a very active social life and wonder if that has got in the way as I’m out with friends at least every other weekend plus several holidays and weekends away booked which I’m not giving up.

Thanks @SamW98, not just me then!

I'm doing OLD as I'm early 40's with primary age DC, and all my nearby friends are married/partnered with 2 or 3 primary age DC and don't do much outside family time (I really do get this). We keep in touch via WhatsApp mainly, probably meet up in person twice a year.

My friends who are single with primary age DC live too far away to meet up with, so it's rare I would meet someone just out and about (although not impossible during my commute lol).

Will keep going with the OLD, and hopefully the right one for me appears soon, as I've read so many success stories here!

@Adateworsethandeath thank you. Oh yes, it’s a case of extreme trauma bonding. It’s insane. Just when I think I’m over it, I get low and it envelopes me again

@Loopylooni thank you. So true, I feel like a total addict.

Have really tried to meet someone else. But small town, single-mumming and rarely getting out makes it tricky. And when I did, they decided they lived too far (kind of did, but still!). Think I need to focus on other things or something

@Livelifelaughter thats a great tactic. I have wasted SO much time over him already. Will def try that, thanks

@Starseeking

Im 55 and the pickings are VERY slim at this age. It’s a difficult one as I'm quite a young 50 something - I still go to festivals and raves - whereas a lot of men my age are already in their comfy chair and slippers stage. I get messages from men in their 70’s bless ‘em 🤣

And at my age a lot of the men have come out of long marriages and are looking for a more traditional partner - ie someone to cook and clean for them.

Well having split up from my husband of 22 years 8 months ago I decided to brave the world of OLD and set up a Hinge profile. I say brave I pretty much started with Hinge because a friend suggested it was the easiest intro to OLD given there was no such thing the last time I was single.

I had to postpone my date from this morning as I felt really rough when I woke up. So we are doing dinner on Tuesday. He’s been really rather lovely and checked where I was happy with etc so looking forward to that. Have a different date on Monday for a drink. Am treading very, very carefully about it all though.

@Starseeking @SamW98 I started using OLD with the intention of dating, rather than having a penpal, so I would like to see a guy approx within a week to see if there's a connection (or even sooner, after initial qualification). I live in the South so I guess that helps with the number of people? And being childfree probably helps too.

(helps to arrange dates I mean)

.

@User990

Yea I was looking to date as well and not message endlessly. I’m just outside M25 so there were a high volume of men in my age range but the quality wasn’t great tbh.

I did have quite a few chats but far too many had either zero conversation or wanted to sext within a day or so despite me being very clear I’m not after hook ups or casual.

I’ve been off the apps since about October and actually don’t miss it at all. Might try again in the spring when I’m feeling more sociable just in case there’s some more eligible silver foxes appeared

@User990 i have the same type of plan - meet early on and if there’s nothing just say ‘thanks but no thanks’ and move on 😎

Hi just checking in...got back from my date about an hour ago.
It's the 2nd date with this guy and we were booked into the cinema at 4pm. We met at 3.30 chatted until the film started, watched the film, then went to the pub for a drink and then a walk through town.
Was lovely we were out about 5 1/2 hours finished the night with a kiss on the cheek.
We held hands in the cinema and have agreed to see each other again.
Really not sure if we are friend zoned or just taking it really slowly...he has said that he wants to go slowly and not mess up as he usually does in the past...I am happy with going slow as this is my first venture into any sort of dating for 10 years!!

This sounds promising @2anddone !

@2anddone I'd say sounds more than friends if holding hands?

@User990 was a bit odd though we held hands/he put his hand on my leg (not in a groping way) in the cinema but then in the pub and when we walked we just walked next to each other...though I wonder if he was just very aware we were in my home town and I had already said hello to 3 people as we walked from the cinema to the pub??