Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Hi -can anyone remember the three word expression for people who have extreme insecurity issues that makes them push away from relationships. I’ve seen on here I think and other other places but can’t remember the first word starts with ‘R’. (Not a parlour game for Xmas afternoon with auntie!)
Was trying to explain last b night to friends and they kept saying ‘avoidant attachment’ but this is definitely something different (tho of course likely to overlap)

Rejection sensitivity disorder?

Yes!!!!! Thank you !!!

Sorry so realise this is not very Christmassy but it is like a lightbulb reading about RSD as Wozfunnest displays all theses traits and it makes total sense even to the extent of his over -analysing interactions from people in our social circle. Shame I done read about this two years ago because it would have helped enormously in my dealings with him..

VanillaSox

nah , nothing says Xmas quite like psychoanalysing an ex 😂😂

@NervesOfCotton hello!! Yes we did. went for dinner and a sleepover this week. It was not as nerve wracking as I thought and came up quite naturally. It was a really good chat and I understand where he is coming from. However, I see incompatibility issues over the long term and questioning ending it and taking a break from dating.

Thanks @SortingItOut for your insightful post as always. I said to leave it because I had voiced my issues but nothing was changing. 100% December was busy and it was as if he had decided that we would regroup after the busyness but keep the contact going in between.
He is normally a very good communicator with daily texts but can shut down at any sign of disagreement.
I agree, he is very busy with little time for a relationship and his football and pub times are boundaries for him that he won't give on and that's ok, we can set our own boundaries whatever they are but equally I have boundaries as to how much time ideally I'd like to spend together...with a degree of flexibility at times of course.
He is vocal that I am his forever person, that his life has improved significantly since we got together and I do love him dearly but I need more time and to feel that I'm one of his priorities. I think possibly that he feels we have such a connection that I won't walk away from it but as @Thisisworsethananticpated rightly pointed out its more negative than positive at the minute and has been all this month.
He texted yesterday to tell me about a friend's passing and then very early this morning because I was out for a few hours and online late so he's not "leaving things" and seems to he keeping the lines of communication open.
I realise how significant having his boys together for the first time in years is and I always wanted them to have that quality time together. I'm planning a very chilled day at home tomorrow myself despite others thinking I'm "odd" but I'm so proud of myself for being here, being content and happy in my own skin. Thanks for your kind words and I hope you have a lovely Xmas day too in your own fabulous way!

LuckyLinda I'm sorry it's been difficult for you & I wish you a wonderful, peaceful day tomorrow.

LittleFloatingGhost I'm sorry that was the outcome, started off thinking 'Great update!' Then was a bit 'Oh' by the end!

Wishing everybody a Merry Christmas.x

Happy Christmas everyone, I hope its everything you deserve and more, enjoy.

Thank you luckylinda !

I have to say I find Xmas hard
it’s a bit lonely with two teens who are mostly in their room
and one very challenging one !

most of the time I’m so content with my lot and then Xmas comes and I’m not!
ugh it’s annoying

Aw @Thisisworsethananticpated that's understandable too. I was wary of my first Christmas without my kids but I had a really lovely day alone, had long shower, eye mask, lit a fire, watched kids movies and chilled.
Kids are back now and as you said have gone to their rooms.
Partner texting flat out yesterday apologising for not making plans and wanting to see me but I said we would talk later in the week as we have plans made for tomorrow and are back at work then.
My exh left me in January five years ago now and I realise how far I've come but obviously there's more to do.
I really hope 2024 is kind to you, you deserve it x

Hope everyone’s day was okay.
posted this on another thread.
Here’s to happy times in 2024!

Was absolutely dreading it -toxic divorce could not bear the lead up or wanting to make any preparations. Guilt towards kids (in their 20s) that I just couldn’t go through the charade this year. Exh has moved toxic girlfriend and her brood of kids into our old marital home where did all those lovely family Christmases when our children were little.
Solit this year with man who helped me get over my marriage break up.
Feeling rock bottom and worthless.
Joined a Facebook group of people who do extreme day trips (ie fly to somewhere and back for a day) Took the plunge and booked a flight to a European capital on my own in a country I have never visited and don’t speak the language and walked around just enjoying looking it.
Then spending the evening on my own in a quiet hotel in the centre of the city watching old movies on TV.
Slept like a baby and woke up feeling empowered and Christmas is over!!
Really feels like I’ve had therapy and can face 2024 with confidence.

Xmas is so tricky after DVCE (and even before let’s face it)

sounds like you both had lovely days
check you vanilla ! ✈️

and linda pleased he’s been in touch , you have been saying for a while this run up would be very tough

i don’t know why Xmas makes me so angsty but it’s over now
its two days where my single and small family state hits me hard
rest of the year I don’t care

@VanillaSox omg, go you. There's so much strength in that...well done.
@Thisisworsethananticpated thanks, glad you're sounding happier today. I'm doing dinner for the kids and my mum today and looking forward to that and then chilling for the remainder of the day.

Hey Everyone.

Got another date tonight with Mr Derby. He is coming here for two nights and staying in a hotel in town. I am actually not that well but it’s all been booked for a week or so, so we are still doing it. I just have no voice so I will be whispering all night! Hope he has good hearing! Not sure how I feel about him really. He messaged the other day saying he hadn’t stopped thinking about me since we met…. So sweet but I don’t feel like that really. He’s just so decent, I wanted to give him another chance.

I’ve been too ill to set up dates with anyone else!

@KitsyWitsy hope you are feeling better soon. Hope you enjoy your date, even if you decide he’s not for you it’s nice that he has made the effort to come and see you and there’s no rush!

😂😂

@SortingItOut that’s brilliant 😂😂

That’s been shared in the group chat 🤣🤣

Mr Derby who was here in town for 2 nights was lovely. Wined and dined me, treated me really well again. Very respectful. He doesn’t like to rush things. Personally, I’d have slept with him already…! Just not sure it has longevity as he is really quiet and doesn’t seem to have a lot going on his life. Not many interests/friends etc. hmmm. Anyway, plans are being made for him to come back next weekend…

I am on the apps today having a few chats going.

Anyone thinking of starting dating in the New Year? I’ve no idea where to start. Met my now ex on a dating app but not sure I’m quite ready for the rollercoaster of them yet and wouldn’t know which ones were any good anyway. And trying to meet someone locally…? How?!

I’m taking a break from apps until at least mid February, then I’ll start up again. I’ve kept a chat going from before I decided on the break and I’m not sure whether or not to meet him.

Would have to be a coffee/sober date as I’m doing Dry January! 😬

Happy 2024 to you all.

Well after a busy couple of months with friends I had a quick peek at OLD just now - first message was asking if I’m into younger men with massive cocks!! Sigh nothing changed 🤷‍♀️

Haha - so funny @SamW98 .

So, I had a go at OLD just to see what is out there. Not quite ready for a relationship right now as just out of a 20 year marriage which ended up badly.
BUT was really curious to see what is out there. I joined Tinder, the men I am looking for are 43-55. First impressions are good. There are interesting men out there, good looking (but tastes vary of course) and overall they have been respectful. I haven’t dated for ages, so at some point I should try to and see what happens. I am really inexperienced as I have only had two relationships in my life and quite frankly didn’t have to date a lot to find them.
Only funny thing is one guy - very cute I must admit - asked me in the first 2mi ln what is my body type….😂. Dude…I understand you may want to f@ck but be a bit diplomatic about it!

Anyway! It’s fun. I will post further updates :)

SamW98
What a sweetheart
send him my way 😂😂

ive peeked on FEELD and Hinge
mainly (I’m so sad ) to see if my ex was there

however after the debacle of my last affair I’m putting a self imposed ban on dating tbh

I’ve also gained a fuck ton of weight
which needs addressing before I even contemplate shagging anyone