Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@KitsyWitsy wow - just wow! 😂
number 2 out, number 1 in then! Good luck!

KitsyWitsy

what a prince 😂😂
sorry that made me chuckle

Especially the “we are going to hotels, are you willing to pay half half” 😂😂😂.

My God 😂

@KitsyWitsy 50%success rate then? Not bad in the dating world 😂

I'm getting fed up of the number of men I meet still living with parents or moved back with them. I have some sympathy as I'm in the south where house prices are eye watering but it does get a bit frustrating.

You don't sound mercenary, you have standards, and that will serve you well with OLD.

Lots of men out there, no need to settle. Living with parents is just the start, he'll soon tell you about wicked ex wife took all his money blah blah.

Good luck with dating!

This is a major red flag for me.

Especially because I filter for men with no children (therefore unlikely to be going through a costly divorce). If you’re in your 30s and you’ve got no dependents, living with your parents screams immaturity to me.

Yeah, it was an impulse to meet date #2 so I hadn’t done a whole lot of vetting. I was thinking about how hard it is sometimes to get a bit of a spark going or interest via just text so I thought we’d just meet. I couldn’t even remember hardly anything about him when we met so I brought up his profile which said ‘highly educated’. I mentioned this to him and laughed and said I’ll be the judge what was his degree etc in..? He didn’t have one! Ffs.

He wanted FWB and no commitments which is fine with me, he was upfront with it but he really just wanted benefits. No effort besides that and as previously mentioned, I’d be expected to pay half the cost of it. It boggles my mind that he thought this would be appealing to me.

@KitsyWitsy Some vetting is always necessary I find!

I once agreed to a very spontaneous date and the guy turned out to be unspeakably boring and spent most of the date comparing British women and Italian women (he was Italian). 2 hours of sexist drivel.

Always vet! 😁

Yep I agree with getting carefully as think we’ve all learned to our cost. My spontaneous date turned up looking like he’d just rolled out of bed, found some unwashed clothes in the laundry basket and didn’t own an iron. He had the conversation of a house brick - it was a short very awkward date

@SamW98 sorry but I have just spat tea everywhere - conversation of a house brick 🤣

Mini update. Went to see the Sexy Shepherd on Sunday. I was in his area for something else and he offered to show me his cows (not a euphemism).
It was actually really nice to see him and in a way it's nice that sex is off the table for now (not for him and his bruised balls I'm sure) because it gives me a chance to think of it's worth pursuing. It's the long distance that's putting me off but I think I could live with a sleepover or a day out once every few weeks. What bothers me is he doesn't seem to grasp how much planning that takes for me with child/dog/horse care. I'm willing to do all that but not if the effort only goes one way.

Still on track to see The Gardener for date 2 on Christmas Eve and hopefully I can see if there is a bit of a spark there.

Hey all, spreading a little MN love today and wanted to say a big thanks to everyone. I have been part of this thread since the summer and you have kept me sane, helped me navigate OLD and by sharing your experiences, good and bad, has been funny, sad and times bewildering!

Happy holidays however you spend yours!

Hi LittleFloatingGhost What a lovely, kind message to post
Did you have 'that' chat with Mr Beer?

I've been on & off the threads for 4 years now (yikes!) & they are a great source of support.

Hi all, haven't been on for ages so have just skim read to catch up and seems nothing has changed and apps are same old.

Have had apps closed for past couple of months now and feeling much better about myself. Heading into new year in much better frame of mind and knowing my worth.

Well it’s my 5th consecutive Christmas single and think of the money I’ve saved on gifts 🤣

Im not on the apps anymore and feel a lot better for not wasting my time on an endless succession of damp squibs. The last one I was chatting to on WhatsApp for a couple of days then I came down with this horrible virus that’s doing the rounds. I told him I was unwell and he was initially sympathetic but then evening asked if we could talk on phone. I told him genuinely I feel like crap, with my cough and sore throat I’m struggling to talk without choking and could we wait a day or two until I was feeling a bit better and carry on messaging.

His response was that messaging goes stale and if he doesn’t have a phone call within first few days then he’s done - I replied i agree and if I wasn’t sick we’d have been arranging a date this weekend. He then said I’m wasting his time with excuses and blocked me - because he can’t wait 2 days for me to feel a bit better. Yet another impatient twat who wants it all in his terms.

Anyway I’ll carry on living my life with my friends and see if I even care about finding a man in 2024

A graduate of this amazing thread checking in - honestly the rules and the support kept me sane for the 6 months when I was juggling / being ghosted/ spotting red flags/ general weirdness. Managed to find a gem, eventually, 20 months in looking at moving in together next year. We know we don’t need a partner to be happy but if you want one there are good ones out there! And I’m 50 and a big lass. Happy Christmas to all xx

Happy Xmas daters and non daters !

last Xmas i was stressing about recent ex (ghost)
the Xmas before him I was stressing about another fella

so needless to say I’m pretty calm this year and actually I think my 2024 goal is to (continue ) to be happy single .

Findapath

and I love hearing stories like that 🥰

Glad to hear you are all happily single @Slothmomma @SamW98 and @Thisisworsethananticpated. Hoping 2024 brings even more happiness and contentment.
Long may your happiness continue @Findapath

LuckyLinda3

thanks , how are things with you ?

Hi @Thisisworsethananticpated I'm gearing up for 1st Christmas without kids for dinner. They're going to their dad's and I have the option of going to my sisters but am content to have wee day to myself too.
In past 2 weeks I've suggested leaving things twice. Since last weekend in Nov we haven't managed a single overnight and have only seen each other for a few hours. He messaged on my birthday last Sunday after 5 days of no contact to wish me a happy birthday and took me out to dinner and gave me a very thoughtful gift he had got advice from my dd about. I was delighted.
I said I loved him but wasn't getting enough from the relationship in terms of time. He was quiet, seemed genuinely upset and said he really wanted this and needed me in his life and that he would up his game.
On Tuesday after work he texted to say he would call or at least ring me after work weds. I get a text after 10 weds to say he was let go home early from work and was in the pub.
I just said no hard feelings but our expectations were different and wished him a happy Christmas with his kids.
He has his 3 boys this year for the first time in 6 years so I do realise he needs time...but so do I.
I'm at a loss because I do think he genuinely loves me but he's so easy going and I end up feeling I'm not a priority.
All that said I'm stronger now so what will be will be and I'm happy I'm my own skin.

LuckyLinda3

aw I’m sorry . It’s a double whammy of a major bust up and kids not being around

see how you feel on the day (Xmas ) but I hope you do have the perfect alone day , treating yourself

life gives us these lonely times sometimes xx

and relationships that are sad for a far too high % of the time

Thanks @Thisisworsethananticpated. Stupidly i still think we have a chance but I just can't waste years on someone who isint meeting me halfway either.
It would be so much easier if he was horrible but there's so much good, he compliments me, supports me and the kids, would do anything he could for me if I ask but just doesn't plan his time and friends are adamant if he really wanted to he would.
I think it's just not always that easy but am I just being naive.

Happy Christmas to you all ❤
MrsW & I are still loving our life together, though this Christmas we are together she's working Christmas day and I'm just getting over full on man flu and she's on antibiotics for tonsilitis.
As the Chef of the partnership I had already planned the meal to be scalable and not on a fixed day so we are at least relaxed about that.

Anyway good luck to you all whatever you decide for next year.
I was also in the “I’m quite happy on my own" camp till MrsW came along, so you never know!

@LuckyLinda3 December was always going to be tricky with the commitments you both had/have.

When you suggested leaving things did you just want him to step up? Or did you actually want him to agree?
It doesn't have to be a joint decision to split up, you can make it alone.

He sounds a lovely man but very busy man but I can't help feeling that he's actually too busy for a relationship.

He doesn't have to be horrible to you all the time for you to decide he doesn't meet your needs.

If this was a new relationship it would be breadcrumbing.

Why did you go 5 days no contact?
Do you not normally message each day even if its just a brief check in?

I ended my last relationship for various reasons and one of those was his lack of time.
I'm currently discussing with a guy I'm dating his lack of availability and that he's not relationship material for me.

I'm a very busy person but I choose where and how to spend my spare time and I know I'll meet someone who also has similar spare time to me.

I hope you have a great Christmas Day.
I haven't had my daughter on Christmas Day for the last 2 years, this year will be the 3rd, Boxing Day in my family is more special.
I have my adult son at home but we will do our own thing all day and just come together when we are hungry.
Our tradition is Indian takeaway for our meal- people find it odd but it's our tradition since I split from my ex-husband.