Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Rania78

good luck with tinder

january is prime time pickings
everyone is sad after a single Xmas alone (that’s what my friend tells me anyway)

After the great chat with Mr Beer and my sense of issues which would be problematic long term and considered ended it, I ended up spending Christmas Day night with him. We had sex for the first time and when I was leaving boxing day it felt weird. He said he wanted to see me again, I wasn’t sure (didn’t tell him that).

I haven’t heard loads from him as he has had his kids, but did get a missed call last night on WhatsApp. I messaged him and he said it was an accident (he has done this twice now - the first time he FaceTimed me when he was out). I have never called someone by mistake on WhatsApp?!

Anyway, I have avoided messaging him and he has not contacted me today. I know it’s bad form not to officially end something but I really don’t want to have the conversation. I will, but I just don’t want to.

Good luck @Rania78

Tinder probably has the most men on it / biggest range, so it’s probably a good place to start if you’re trying to figure out your dating goals after a long marriage.

LittleFloatingGhost

hey I don’t think it’s bad form to sit on a feeling and digest it a bit ?
sometimes for me it takes a while to get my head around the whole thing and why it didn’t feel great

@SamW98 what a way to start the new year 🤣🙄🤣
@Thisisworsethananticpated my ex is supposedly in a new relationship but I wouldn’t be surprised to find him on all of the sites!

Here’s a question … on dating apps do you use your real name?

@HappyasLarrynot No, I don’t use my real name for a little more privacy.

I do. Thought you are supposed to.

Yes I do. A man using a fake name would be a red flag for me tbh

HappyasLarrynot I have a made up username, like on here. But tell them my name once we get chatting.

Some men have a problem with that & accuse me of being 'dishonest'. I don't care.

LittleFloatingGhost Sorry it's ended how it has with Mr Beer (Well, almost ended!) Seems like you might both be thinking the same thing if he's gone quiet too?

When I saw I don’t use my real name, I use an initial. If my name was Angela I’d use A. Pretty obvious and like Nerves when I message I always say, “Hi, I am Angela”.

@Thisisworsethananticpated Thanks - it was good to have time to reflect, but I am definitely more on the side of we should end sooner rather than later.

@NervesOfCotton Yeah that’s what I am
thinking. Other than that missed call on NYE day not heard a peep - I haven’t contacted him either.

I have used a fake name personally as I can be easily googled and I dont want anyone knowing too much so early on

Happy New Year to all. Had a meet up on Sunday and a good talk. He really wants to give it another go and seems to have genuinely thought about things. All going well until we went out in evening and he had a significant issue with one of his DS involving drink.
Given that I was already unsure I'm now wondering if I need this in my life. I know it's selfish of me but I'm not comfortable in his house right now. I want to be there for him but my head is fried with it all.

@LuckyLinda3 you have got to do what is right for you. It seems like a difficult situation to navigate.

Thanks @LittleFloatingGhost, it is.
I am convinced he is genuine, he seemed genuinely devastated at the thought of us being over and offered ways he could change things from his perspective going forward. Obviously that requires a period of time to see if it materialises.
The thing is because I've seen him so little over the past 6 weeks I've become used to that and very comfortable on my own too. No expectations means no disappointments and I ultimately want peace in my life. He clearly has a lot going on himself and family always comes first so I'm not rushing any decision right now.

LuckyLinda3

tricky one and HNY !
I think we all know that a child (even adult ) with MH or substance abuse issues is really hard work and stressful

id try and separate the issues not him not being available cos he’s being an unavailable twat !

and him having a genuine family issue to navigate

i can see that being in his home when a grown man is having alcohol issues isn’t optimal
And it’s a terrible time of year for addicts !

This.

Is it common to use a fake name?

Thanks yes@Thisisworsethananticpated you're right 2 very separate issues.
I've messaged him suggesting a nice walk and lunch later this week ..it will be a chance for him to clear his head and for us to talk. I'll take it from there then.

I’ve only come across it once. He didn’t actually tell me it wasn’t his name until we went to WhatsApp and his real name came up.
Turned out he was also 6 years older and 4 inches shorter than his profile as well.

Just to be clear I have only ever used my real name on OLD.
But if its a red flag for women that a man uses a fictitious name, would it not be the same the other way round?

Oh and HNY everyone 😊

Of course it works both ways - why wouldn’t it?

My profile was always 100% true though so I’m not the one to answer that really

I am the only one alive with my combination of name and surname in the world by the looks of it and probably the only one with my first name in our town and anywhere nearby(first name Scandinavian, though used in the English speaking world, second an uncommon English one).
For me to even use only my first name and location you would find me online straight away🤔

so I would understand people not using their real name or using a nickname to start with

Sorry Sam that was unfair to quote you as it would seem using an alias is OK?

Perhaps it very much depends on your real life name, as though I used my real life name and there only being 4 other people in the UK with my name! I didn't feel worried about it.

Seems like the name question is a divider!

LuckyLinda He really does have a lot going on doesn't he. It's nice that he's giving you that reassurance though. I hope the walk goes well.

Thank you all re the name thing - I’m so out of touch with it all. I guess if my photo is on there it won’t matter anyway 😂