Dating Thread 244

[SamW98]

The Rules:

1.The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.

1. Develop a thick skin.
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
3. It's all BS until it actually happens.
4. Trust your gut instinct.
5. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
6. Know your worth.
7. If it's not fun, stop.
8. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

VanillaSox

you know maybe it’s too soon to date
it’s been a long relationship and very bruising

there’s a risk you dad someone, don’t like him , then yearn for the ex even more ?
trust me I’ve been there
it’s not good !!

im now 3 months apart from my ex
def feel better
I’m now in the angry phase , not missing !

id like for him to have a prolonged encounter with the cow that kicked TooManyAnimals94
ghoster !!

In terms of date attraction
it’s weird as when I met my ex I didn’t immediately fancy him
however I really liked his company
then the second date was 🚀

but I also agree when someone is a NO
we know asap

It's really interesting what you are all saying about the instant attraction or not when you meet someone you've been chatting to online. I've had very different experiences. I met my DD's dad (my ex-partner) 20 years ago through OLD - it was instant attraction and lasted 14 years before ending badly. After we split up several years ago, I met a couple of guys on Match.com. One I found fairly attractive (although I think it was more because it helped me get over the horrendous break-up) and I went out with him for a few months but meanwhile continued to meet up with another guy I'd met through the site, just as friends. After breaking up with the first guy, I saw the second one more often but really just viewed him as a friend. I didn't find him unattractive, but wasn't sure I wanted to be more than friends. We got on very well though and he made me laugh. Then, one day, I suddenly found him irresistible - I've no idea why, but I suddenly saw him in a different light. And I still feel that way now even though we are no longer a couple. I met a third another guy on that site around that time too - we seemed to get on very well in writing and he looked OK in his photos. When I met him I was totally shocked as he was much smaller and fatter than I imagined and his style (clothes etc.) was very different from mine. Although we had lots of things in common on paper, in reality we were worlds apart. And I didn't fancy him at all.

Yes, I agree - when it's a definite no I think you know straight away. However, when you like them but are not 100% sure it is possible for attraction to develop. At least that's my experience. I have gone on dates with 3 guys recently who I met online - one was very nice to speak to (as a friend great but zero attraction) - the other was a bit weird (still living with his ex and talked about threesomes etc.!) and the third was really fun and interesting and quite attractive - not instant attraction but not a definite no - and I hope we can meet up again sometime.

However, I'm also writing to three more guys - two very occasionally as they live far away and I don't see a future in it but they seem like lovely people - and another much more often. He is currently in another country (left a couple of days after we started chatting) and won't be back home until after Christmas. Ideally, I would have wanted to meet him in person quickly, but obviously that's not possible. We seem to get on well - he makes me laugh a lot - and we've spoken on the phone - he looks very nice in the photos I've seen, but obviously I'm aware of what can happen and am a bit nervous.

@Shimla999 , are all your guys of Match or any other apps/sites?

A mixture of Ourtime, Bumble and Tinder 😀

I’ve got first date number 5 tonight. 😅

Unfortunately it’s in a bit of a ropey area (which he chose) but I’m going with an open mind because the pub itself has good reviews. Plus it’s a short uber home, so no safety issues.

Don't do it. Suggest somewhere else. We settle for far too little so we don't seem difficult. If he lives there of course, that's a different matter.

It’s a mutually convenient area.

I’m not worried I’ll get stabbed or anything, just that I might see drunk people shouting or being sick. It’s more unpleasant than truly dangerous.

And actually if he lived in the area then I’d definitely suggest somewhere else!

I hate it when guys pick a place around the corner from where they live and make you travel across London on a cold Friday night and fork out for an expensive uber home.

What's the area called? Scotland?

@LabradorOwner9 That's not very funny - there is no need to insult the Scots or Scotland. I happen to be Scottish and I don't drink at all, for your information.

He’s running 20 minutes late. I’ve got myself a drink and I’m sitting here like a lemon.

I also keep forgetting his name. Every time it pops up on WhatsApp it takes me a couple of seconds ‘oh yeah, his name is X’.

Not a name I can imagine shouting out in bed, but I might be getting ahead of myself there 😂

I hate it when guys pick a place around the corner from where they live and make you travel across London on a cold Friday night and fork out for an expensive uber home

ah yes that’s my 22 month situationship
different , and yet similar 🙄

im a lot older than you ! But as I accepted this shit I’ve now prescribed myself a very long hiatus from romantic liasons

hope you have a nice evening
Given his lateness and the location
be vv guarded with this one

C'mon. Seriously. Leave.

Date was fine but no spark/attraction.

That’s it for 2023 for me! Got a busy weekend, then I’m going away for Christmas, then I’ve got a medical procedure in January so I’m taking it easy for a few weeks. No point matching with/starting chatting to anyone new now.

I’ll resurface on Hinge at some point in Feb, hopefully with some new found motivation. ☺️

@Crushed23 hopefully you'll have a lovely chilled Christmas and relaxing start to the new year. Good call to take a break and focus on yourself.

@LuckyLinda3 thank you 😊

Hope everyone has a good Christmas and New Year

Hello all,
Just following the thread at the moment. Recently out of a 20 year marriage. Not dating yet but would like to give it a go next year, so would like to read about your experiences!

Welcome @Rania78, hope you are doing well and being kind to yourself.

Thank you @LuckyLinda3. I am. I have left him and feeling like a hige weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Couldn’t be happier. Looking forward to some funny dating stories. I imagine it must be really hard.

@Rania78 I'm so glad you're doing well. Being happy yourself is the main thing, you glow differently and attract better when you are happy and content in yourself.
I had a fairly positive experience but it can be awful too. We are always learning and it's good to meet different people even if it's only to decide what you don't want.
Here's to 2024!!

Another one just following for now. Out of an 8 year relationship following my STBEX’s affair - things weren’t great tbh but it’s only since he’s been gone that I’ve realised how bad things had got. Not quite ready to move on yet and no idea where to start as I’m late 40’s but following for some inspiration!

So I actually had two dates yesterday! IT wasn’t planned until one guy I’d talked to a bit who was very local suggested meeting up soon and as my other date was during the day I scheduled him in, in the evening!

First date was nice. He paid for everything, treated me with great respect. WAsn’t the best looking but decent company and we spent a few hours together. Second date wasn’t so good. He was a lot better looking but when I got there, he had a drink already and didn’t offer to get me one so I had to buy my own. Then later on he said he lived with his parents currently due to divorcing etc and as we’d have to get hotels, would I be going halves? I just said no.. lol.. what the hell? I know I sound mercenary but I am old-fashioned in a lot of ways and I don’t want some tight git counting the pennies around me.

Seeing date number one again next week. He is coming to my town for a couple of days and staying in a hotel. Unmatched date number 2.

@KitsyWitsy shame about No 2 😳 but No1 sounds promising 😀