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Original poster

Would you stop seeing him after this?

434 replies

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
WhereWhoWhen · 16/11/2023 08:30

How rude of him

Block and move on OP. Could you really bring yourself to go out with his again after that?!

CaptainMyCaptain · 16/11/2023 08:31

It just doesn't sound like you are suited.

PlayOasis · 16/11/2023 08:31

Well if that’s his favourite hobby and you didn’t like it at all then you could let him get on with it without you.

However he made you feel bad about it and he didn’t try to help you when you needed it. He treated you quite badly. He could have laughed it off and still made it fun even if you didn’t get to the top. He takes it very seriously doesn’t he?

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 16/11/2023 08:31

I'm sorry to hear that he was such a twat to you. Its fairly obvious that if you carry on seeing him, he will be off every weekend climbing mountains and you will be left at home, unless you discover a sudden, unexpected urge to do it as well, or he develops a sudden, unexpected urge to stop.

I think you are incompatible, he was an arse to you about it and you should probably just stop seeing him and find someone else with shared interests.

jolies1 · 16/11/2023 08:33

Cut your losses. I think it’s good to take yourself out of your comfort zone and try new things, but you gave it a go, didn’t like it and were honest with him. Even if he’d been a bit fed up that you couldn’t last longer he could have dealt with it graciously. Also as someone who does a lot of hillwalking he could have started you off with something more manageable to see if you liked it.

You can do better.

NoraLuka · 16/11/2023 08:33

He doesn’t sound very nice.

Who the fuck would think Snowdon in November is a good introduction to hiking? There are plenty of places in that area that would have been easier/better.

Prob best to look for someone else tbh.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 16/11/2023 08:33

Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this?

He could be the most amazing man in the whole world (he's not) and you still wouldn't be unreasonable to stop seeing him if you wanted to. You don't owe someone a relationship

tsmainsqueeze · 16/11/2023 08:33

No way would i be seeing him again , rude ,selfish man.

Justmuddlingalong · 16/11/2023 08:34

What a condescending prick. Dump, block and forget him.

theduchessofspork · 16/11/2023 08:35

I can’t believe you are even considering seeing him again!

The man is an arsehole with no empathy

Dump

DelphiniumBlue · 16/11/2023 08:35

I’d bin him just for that last comment. How arrogant!

Janislowe · 16/11/2023 08:35

He’s a middle aged man stuck in his ways. He sounds as much fun as a broken leg. (And i enjoy the same activities as him).

There’s a reason at 43 he’s single. I bet his ex jumped for joy when his huffy puffy arse left.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 16/11/2023 08:35

He's shown that he's unkind, uncaring and rude. After only two months!! This is supposed to be your honeymoon period when you show each other the best side of you.

Dump him and move on.

He was a twat taking you up Snowdon for your first walk together. That's a LONG walk with lots of scrambling to do.

There are plenty of shorter nice walks you could have done together in that part of the world.

PegasusReturns · 16/11/2023 08:36

This isn’t about incompatibility, this is about him being a bully and a twat.

you can do so much better.

Mackeroo · 16/11/2023 08:36

Don't waste any more time on this...definitely stop seeing him, your not suited and he's too old for you anyway. Find someone who likes the same stuff as you and nearer your own age.

GrumpyOldCrone · 16/11/2023 08:36

Walking ahead of you and not checking you were ok, when you’ve never done this kind of walk before, is a huge red flag. He doesn’t care about your safety. It’s not trivial: it indicates a fundamental lack of respect for you. This would be a dealbreaker for me.

Stonemaiden · 16/11/2023 08:36

He's considerably older than you and you have nothing in common. He's also unpleasant and patronising. Don't 'text him in a couple of days'.

fortheloveofflowers · 16/11/2023 08:37

Why would you want to see that prick again???

Work on your self-esteem and block the dick head.

CaptainMyCaptain · 16/11/2023 08:38

He doesn't sound nice but I have had similar type comments because I don't like pubs and night clubs (boring, party pooper, antisocial, not making an effort etc) it's not just because this took place up Snowdon. So there are two reasons not to continue this relationship.

Blueeyedmale · 16/11/2023 08:38

You took yourself out of your comfort zone and he showed absolutely zero compassion despite your anxiety and then to put you down on the way home just shows what sort of man he is, just move on you can do better what an absolute 🔔end

LanaBeady · 16/11/2023 08:38

Were you being a bit 'girly', OP? I'd be pissed off with someone being wet - but I would just politely thank them for a nice day, and never see them again.

He, however, was very rude and unpleasant - especially his snide little comment about how you'd be bound to text him. He is also old enough to be your father, and I suspect he would be a controlling type. He'd also spend every weekend climbing sodding mountains.

I don't know why you're giving him a single second's further thought.

Bananawotsit · 16/11/2023 08:38

Oh my goodness! This is awful behaviour! You said you didn’t want to do it - it’s not your thing! He persuaded you and promised that he would be supportive. Please do not question that you are in the wrong here. He acted like a spoilt brat, he went back on his word and made you feel like a failure. You are not. A lot of people prepare for months before climbing Snowdon! It isn’t easy.

Block him now.
you didn’t deserve this treatment at all. He is mad (he’ll try to twist it into you so don’t even engage). He wanted you to like his hobby but people can have different hobbies and still go out!
Also in future trust your instincts and know yourself which you do! You knew it wasn’t for you - don’t let anyone try to tell you what you like/dislike.

sorry you’ve gone through this - put it down to experience and know your worth!!! Xxxx

blotchyredanditichy · 16/11/2023 08:39

He should know better as an experienced walker the danger he put you in. What a very horrid man. He doesn't deserve you and his sense of entitlement that you will text him to make up beggars belief. I would block and ignore. It isn't you that is disappointing- it's him.

OnAir · 16/11/2023 08:40

He's old enough to be your dad, leave him and his wrinkly balls to it.

Abergale · 16/11/2023 08:40

Raise your bar op. How is this even a question? It doesn’t even sound like he wants to see you again anyway!