Would you stop seeing him after this?

[Wouldthati]

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

He was incredibly rude, you tried something you don’t like doing and he was rude when you asked to stop.
It was nice he made a weekend out of it and he obviously thought if you tried it then you’d like it but that’s his fault for thinking that.
He was mean for no reason, I understand he probably felt let down and was having fun himself but he didn’t have to make you feel like that.

I wouldn’t message him again. He sounds Incredibly big headed to think that you’ll ‘no doubt’ message him again. It feels like he wants you to do all the chasing and he’s just entertaining you.

I don’t blame your mum for not liking him, her intuition was right!
It’s okay to feel sad since you did like him but least you’ve had a lucky escape! Block and move on.

You sound so lovely OP. You deserve someone so much better. There are decent men out there and you’ll find a guy who treats you well but don’t second guess yourself. When you spot red flags like this don’t make excuses for them. When people show you who they are, believe them.

Yeah, I wouldn't bother, he sounds very selfish and controlling. Your partner doesn't have to like the same things.

As a contrast, DH loves mountaineering, but it became quickly quite clear to him on our first trip away together that it wasn't my cup of tea as I can get vertigo on stairs and escalators!

We have managed to go hiking together as long as there are no really steep downhill bits, no narrow ridges- whereas he would seek these out for the challenge, or would when he was younger when we go together. He saved those routes to go with his mates who were into that kind of thing, and together we have been up and down several of the higher mountains in the UK but definitely via the easiest, most touristy route! I also managed to go ski-ing with him, even though it's not exactly my favourite thing. I just stuck to the easier slopes.

There are some things we can bond over and enjoy together and other things we do separately. And when you are walking/hiking/running, as a couple of a group, you only go to the speed and capability of the slowest and most hesitant person.

Yeah, annoying when your mum is right, isn't it? 😉

Just think of this as a lucky escape and a funny anecdote for the future (when the sting wears off). A nice man wouldn't have reacted the way he did. His mask slipped, and underneath was a domineering nob.

Be careful dating older guys, some basically want someone they can bully, not an equal, and think your age means they can.

You are really selling yourself short dating a nearly mid 40s man in your early twenties too, op.

You've got the whole range of men from your age or slightly younger up to whatever age is your upper limit, to date. 20s men, 30s men.

How many other 20 somethings do you think would go out with him, even before he's domineering, unreasonable and very rude to them? (And personally I think he was irresponsible and lacking risk awareness in trying to get you to climb Snowdon at this time of year).

When you're 50 in a 30 year age gap relationship, they're 70 yes old. That doesn't usually work so well.

If you want kids, are you aware men over 40 have a much higher incidence of having kids with autism?

You'd be better to build a relationship and settle with a peer.

He sounds Incredibly big headed to think that you’ll ‘no doubt’ message him again.

Yes, and his "you've disappointed me" comment ... The arrogance and egotism.

He really thinks he's the dogs bollocks and everything is about pleasing him and kowtowing to him. He seems to think he's in a position of power. That's worrying.

Where he gets it from, dating a girl young enough to be his daughter, I don't know.
He sounds like he has a personality disorder
.

Very arrogant to say you will text in a couple of days and the silence punishment and what he said is a red flag. Go away of older man tbh..

I think the most important personality trait to look for in a partner is kindness, especially in small ways. Someone who will bring you food and drink when you're in bed with flu, someone who will adjust his stride so you're not scampering to keep up, someone who will sometimes do things that don't interest him much because you enjoy it. This guy was not only pissed off that you cut short the walk AS HE HAD AGREED BEFOREHAND that you could, he was then massively mean-spirited and unkind. He doesn't deserve a girlfriend at all.

*20 yr age gap relationship, that should have said.

He's not a nice person OP, so I'd immediately be done with him.
There's no future with someone who can't be nice to you at the dating stage. Be glad he showed you who he was early on, bullet dodged.

I am in a similar part of the world and my spidey senses are tingling about this man. op, feel free to message me. He sounds… familiar.

but to echo the other comments:

• he’s too old for you and likely has excess baggage. No doubt he would like to have a younger woman to control and frogmarch into activities he likes
• only an idiot would suggest a first walk to a walking novice up SNOWDON. Jesus effing Christ. Of all the bloody places!
• he handled this terribly. Zero empathy, utter disregard.

Na, he’s been a arsehole and shown you who he really is. Block and move on.

Id feel the same as your mum. Older women aren't jealous of the bellends chasing after young women, we don't want those men anyway. We were once young women too and have received this sort of attention from older men. When we advise a younger woman to avoid huge age gaps, when we tell her it's a bad idea, it's because we've seen how this plays out. The advice isn't rooted in jealousy or competition, we've literally had our time being young and have seen what those predatory men do.
Please get support from your mum and listen to her!

What a horrible man, he treated you like a piece of shit, there only to do as you’re told and please him. And the whole silence and you will be texting says he also thinks you’re desperate. Your mother was right about him.

when men this age go after young women like you there is often a reason for it, firstly no woman his age will have him, he’s not after an equal relationship, and he wants to crow to his mates he’s shagging someone your age.

block him op. Trust us. Block him, don’t feel sad.youre literally dodging a bullet by doing so.

if you think what he did this time is bad, you’ve no idea what’s coming at you down the line.

You've had a fortunate escape, and I don't mean the mountain climbing!

It's fine to have different hobbies. It ISN'T fine to try to bully / coerce / guilt-trip your gf into pursuing your hobbies. It smacks of him thinking your world should revolve around his.

And then his behaviour when you did go is very telling.... he thinks you should embrace his hobby (the hobby you told him you weren't interested in) and be good at it, and enjoy it. And if you aren't enjoying it, you should shut up because it might spoil his day.

So he's selfish, self-centred and demanding / bullying.

His actions and words to you were disgraceful.

For the future - if someone won't take 'no' for an answer, in any circumstances, run.

What a total twat.

That kind of behaviour is not a one off, it’s who he is.

The disappointing comment did make me laugh though, what exactly were you meant to say back to that - bullying tosser.

I hope he texts you so you can ignore 😂

FFS, whether he was rude or not (hint: he was. Very), you are not compatible. There is no shame in that. Politely point that out, say your goodbyes, and move on.
I won’t even mention the age gap.

Absolutely 💯- older men chasing girls young enough to be their daughters love to dress it us as older women being bitter twisted dried up old hags but in reality they know we see through their BS and have no tolerance for their pathetic behaviour.

They don’t want an equal they want it to be all about them

Absolutely. I wish I could write a book with advice to younger women based on my own experiences! Looking back, I put up with so much utter crap from absolute bellends because I was flattered they were interested in me.

Maybe I will write it! Bullet dodged OP. There are so many red flags here it’s a parade.

Listen to what he said. He's belittling you. Like he has some standards of girls and you're not fitting into it. Talking down to you like you're a child. Girl RUN! He's not for you. He should of been proud of you for making it so far and giving it a go. I've done that mountain hike once. I'll never do it again! It's hard and considering you've had no training or anything and you've managed to go half way that's so impressive. It's hurts your legs and when I went on this charity hike not everyone could do it and went back. It's not for everyone. So again I just want to say how proud I am of you for going half way. It's not easy! Now move on from this nobhead and he's absolutely no good for you and should never make you feel so shit! Xx

Nothing to be sad about. He's awful, and way too old - gotta think about why a guy that age is going for a woman so much younger, especially when it's not like you have this shared passion for climbing. He wants to be in charge, treat you badly and make you still come running back for more. Block him and never go for a twat like that again. Trust your instincts (and your mum!) and stick to your guns - don't let a man make you do things that you don't want to do.

I recognise you from other threads.

You always always have to be contrary, and critical of the the op.

I challenged why we were both "as bad as each other" according you - when we clearly were not, I'd done nothing... And you declined to respond.

Do you feel clever always challenging and criticising and laying blame on the op ...when there is no blame to be laid on them.

What is you agenda exactly on this forum?

It seems like a very unhealthy one.

So he's been doing this hobby longer than you've even been alive, pressured you into doing it with him, then got arsey and rude when you weren't enjoying it and asked to stop, as you obviously didn't have the same level of stamina and expertise to navigate the mountain with ease?! He sounds like he really lacks any empathy and kindness op, obviously wanted to show off his very important hobby to you, and was disgruntled when you didn't marvel at how wonderful the experience was, so turned it around and put in on you as the "disappointment". He's the fucking disappointment. Not you. If he needs to be with someone who shares his passion and hobby so desperately, why on earth did he not take the hints you gave him when you said you wouldn't enjoy it, and called it a day then. Pressuring you into going along, was one thing, maybe he thought you'd enjoy it if you gave it a go, but when it became obvious you weren't having fun, he should have gracefully lead you back down and admitted fault for forcing you out of your comfort zone. Not blaming you, and making you feel bad for his failure to read the situation. It sounds like this hobby is more of an obsession of his, and he needs to find someone who shares that enthusiasm, if it's so important to him that his partner has to accompany him on his bloody mountain hikes. The age difference makes me think maybe there was a power imbalance at play, and as a younger woman he'd be able to bully you into doing what he wanted with no regard for your own wellbeing. Block him, and move on op, he sounds like a bell end.

Hopefully you are running very fast away from the giant red flag - don't look back!

Oh and it's "you're".

Learn to spell before you call other people daft.