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Original poster

Would you stop seeing him after this?

434 replies

Wouldthati · 16/11/2023 08:27

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

OP posts:
LylaLee · 17/11/2023 06:06

Also, I don't like the 'that's why he's single at 43'. I know some people are qualifying it by saying 'man', but there are women on here with a fear of LTB because being single is portrayed as equal to being defective/having something wrong with you.

JenniferJupiterVenusandMars · 17/11/2023 06:09

nomoretoriesforme · 16/11/2023 08:53

Exactly... he isn't very nice and will never change ...

Show quote history

And there’s a good reason why he’s single……. Be thankful he’s shown his true colours OP.

harerunner · 17/11/2023 06:18

He's a twat and you should end things.

The fact you have to come on MN to ask though is worrying, as it's so obvious!

What led to you dating a man so much older than you in the first place?!

cassiatwenty · 17/11/2023 06:31

He actually went you've been disappointing? But his own expectations disappointed him

SpringIntoChaos · 17/11/2023 06:58

He's a twat. Move on.

HouseChainDrama · 17/11/2023 07:15

I'd dump him for dating someone young enough to be his daughter,

Gross.

cerisepanther73 · 17/11/2023 07:17

I just think 🤔 you are far too ill matched suitability as a potential couple to continue,!

I think you susprised yourself how much of getting out of comfort zone you did, obviously in trepidation ect too,

So there is that something you've got out of this experince,
a welcome boost to your cofindence,

Wow,
if you can attempt to do something like that, !
what else are capable of doing too?

his attitude reading about him narked me, find him irritating, annoying,

i think it's revealed 🤔 this big Great outdoors Snowdonia adventure ,

something else too,
a fundamental side of his character, his true colours,

he is essentially a selfish Prick, !

a good man would have accepted if you were not ready up to this ,
not pester you, !

a good man would have supported you climbing down,

he would have respected you even more for more for being straight with him, being open enough about vunerable,
by telling him your own personal fear,
after all we all have insecurities/ vulnerabilities, one time 🕐 or other times in life,

I don't think i like the sound of this guy,

you could do a lot better for yourself Op,!

cassiatwenty · 17/11/2023 07:19

@cerisepanther73 I love this comment

CubaLibre23 · 17/11/2023 07:44

BlueGrey1 · 16/11/2023 23:15

@CubaLibre23

It is not patently ridiculous!

I would never date someone further than a couple of dates that I knew there was absolutely no future with which Op has admitted that she knew.

You are just wasting your time and someone else’s, you also run the risk of someone falling for you and then possibly breaking their hearts!

As soon as you know you cannot see a future with someone you should end the relationship, that is decent behaviour!!

The others person may not be looking for a serious relationship either!!

So you are not wasting their time.

Likewise you are not wasting your own time if you're prepared/happy to spend some time with someone who you may not/will probably not end up in a serious relationship with ... . If it's enjoyable and pleasant for both of you.

Not everything has to lead to marriage or a serious relationship, millions of relationships aren't like that, what planet do you live on?

Anyway the point of this thread is that whatever their intentions or feelings (and you have no idea what his were) it's isn't pleasant and enjoyable due to his behaviour, he's fucked it up and is the sort of person who'd never even see that. There's something wrong with him.

cassiatwenty · 17/11/2023 07:54

BlueGrey1 · 16/11/2023 23:15

@CubaLibre23

It is not patently ridiculous!

I would never date someone further than a couple of dates that I knew there was absolutely no future with which Op has admitted that she knew.

You are just wasting your time and someone else’s, you also run the risk of someone falling for you and then possibly breaking their hearts!

As soon as you know you cannot see a future with someone you should end the relationship, that is decent behaviour!!

It's all her fault 🤣 Thank heavens you are here to lecture us all of proper conduct

CubaLibre23 · 17/11/2023 07:57

But his own expectations disappointed him

In his 40s, he hasn't worked out yet that other people aren't live dolls put on this earth to meet his wants and inclinations.

He also passively aggressively talks to his dog about someone in their presence FFS.

The fact that someone has bred with this male specimen just goes to show how foolish humans can be. There's no way none of this showed up to her.

FedUpMumof10YO · 17/11/2023 08:00

Do not text him in a couple of days!

You don't even owe him the breakup text.

Move on. You have youth on your side. You don't need to be dating someone old enough to be your Dad.

Manthide · 17/11/2023 08:03

Run ( but maybe not to the hills)! He certainly thinks he's the bees knees. My dad is very outdoorsy, lives hiking, climbing etc. My mother not at all. But i their 60 years of marriage he has never forced her to do something she hasn't liked and when she has agreed to eg climb Mount snowdon has always gone at her pace and stopped when she'd had enough. This man is not a keeper.

Bluewater1 · 17/11/2023 08:52

So many red flags here. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Run like the wind!

CancelledRainPaintDay · 17/11/2023 09:19

He didn't LISTEN to you !

You said to him that you probably would not enjoy hiking up Snowdon. You did not enjoy it, so he sulked

There is absolutely no point in dating someone who does not care enough to listen to you.

Block & find someone else who cares about you

TheAverageJoanne · 17/11/2023 09:29

CancelledRainPaintDay · 17/11/2023 09:19

He didn't LISTEN to you !

You said to him that you probably would not enjoy hiking up Snowdon. You did not enjoy it, so he sulked

There is absolutely no point in dating someone who does not care enough to listen to you.

Block & find someone else who cares about you

About "not listening" I had this discussion with a friend yesterday about our respective exes.

They do listen, and they listen very well. That's so that they can do exactly the opposite of what you say, and make up a gaslighting response.

cmaalofshit · 17/11/2023 11:02

I posted upthread too but just wanted to comment on people saying the OP is too princessy and girly. I think that's really unfair.

I'm very outdoorsy. Go on long treks over 2-3 weeks with tent and primus stove and all the food I need. The weather doesn't bother me - I have all the clothing and equipment I need finely tuned. There's nothing I like better than being out in the wilderness in the tent in the rain preparing freeze-dried food.
It's not something you can just do from one day to the next - oh, I know, I'll wander off into the mountains in Norway with a tent and see how far I get. You have to plan. You have to train. You have to buy clothes that work for you.

That's more extreme than the OP's trip to Snowdon. But the same applies there - you don't just wander off Snowdon never having done much hiking before, in November and probably wearing some kind of botched together clothing and footwear that doesn't really work properly. I very much doubt OP had proper hiking clothing that was warm and waterproof enough for that excursion. That immediately makes the whole thing ten times worse.
Then there's the fact she had never walked on that kind of terrain before and it was slippy. What type of footwear did you have on OP? So it made everything much more difficult for her. This could have turned into a complete disaster with mountain rescue being called.
This bloke is a complete and utter asshole for putting her at risk like that.

I don't think OP was being princessy and girly. She had the guts to at least attempt it. She didn't say "oooo no, I couldn't ever do that, my hair might get frizzy" or something. She said she'd have a go. He should have known better with all his "experience". He is a complete knob. He should have chosen an easier hike - fairly flat, on easier terrain, maybe up a hill, or through a forest or whatever, with get out points where they could have turned back and also chosen a day when the weather was suitable. That's the sort of thing I do when friends want to hike with me who've never been before or don't have much experience.
If the OP had managed an easier hike, he could have planned something a little bit more challenging for the next time if she had enjoyed it and wanted to do it again. And if she'd then decided, yeah, I actually like this hiking lark she could have invested in some decent kit.

He's a massive selfish knob who thinks he's God or something just because he climbs a mountain twice a month. Big whoopy doo.

ScreamingBeans · 17/11/2023 11:38

I'm so glad you know he's a twat and you followed your instincts. It's great that Mumsnet is here to reassure you that yanbu and this guy is a horrible, horrible man. You're well rid of him.

Janislowe · 17/11/2023 11:53

Great update!

Your mum sounds like a good egg who has your back and can see a red flag waving a mile off!

CubaLibre23 · 17/11/2023 13:52

cmaalofshit · 17/11/2023 11:02

I posted upthread too but just wanted to comment on people saying the OP is too princessy and girly. I think that's really unfair.

I'm very outdoorsy. Go on long treks over 2-3 weeks with tent and primus stove and all the food I need. The weather doesn't bother me - I have all the clothing and equipment I need finely tuned. There's nothing I like better than being out in the wilderness in the tent in the rain preparing freeze-dried food.
It's not something you can just do from one day to the next - oh, I know, I'll wander off into the mountains in Norway with a tent and see how far I get. You have to plan. You have to train. You have to buy clothes that work for you.

That's more extreme than the OP's trip to Snowdon. But the same applies there - you don't just wander off Snowdon never having done much hiking before, in November and probably wearing some kind of botched together clothing and footwear that doesn't really work properly. I very much doubt OP had proper hiking clothing that was warm and waterproof enough for that excursion. That immediately makes the whole thing ten times worse.
Then there's the fact she had never walked on that kind of terrain before and it was slippy. What type of footwear did you have on OP? So it made everything much more difficult for her. This could have turned into a complete disaster with mountain rescue being called.
This bloke is a complete and utter asshole for putting her at risk like that.

I don't think OP was being princessy and girly. She had the guts to at least attempt it. She didn't say "oooo no, I couldn't ever do that, my hair might get frizzy" or something. She said she'd have a go. He should have known better with all his "experience". He is a complete knob. He should have chosen an easier hike - fairly flat, on easier terrain, maybe up a hill, or through a forest or whatever, with get out points where they could have turned back and also chosen a day when the weather was suitable. That's the sort of thing I do when friends want to hike with me who've never been before or don't have much experience.
If the OP had managed an easier hike, he could have planned something a little bit more challenging for the next time if she had enjoyed it and wanted to do it again. And if she'd then decided, yeah, I actually like this hiking lark she could have invested in some decent kit.

He's a massive selfish knob who thinks he's God or something just because he climbs a mountain twice a month. Big whoopy doo.

I agree..

Those posts were ridiculous.

Some posters just come on here to be derogatory and provocative to the op. That's all they want to do.

toomanyleggings · 17/11/2023 13:56

He’s nearly twenty years older than you he should be worshipping the ground you walk on. Get rid of the entitled tosser. Did you have sex on this trip? If so he’s even worse

cassiatwenty · 17/11/2023 23:52

I just want to say that there are plenty men in their 20's who are rude, entitled, sex crazed, players (obviously) some even as equally bad than OP's 43 year old

SurprisedWithAHorse · 18/11/2023 07:07

cassiatwenty · 17/11/2023 23:52

I just want to say that there are plenty men in their 20's who are rude, entitled, sex crazed, players (obviously) some even as equally bad than OP's 43 year old

We're not suggesting OP dates them either.

But a a 20 something dating women his own age is more likely to grow out of it than a 43 year old looking for women 20 years younger.

cassiatwenty · 18/11/2023 07:41

SurprisedWithAHorse · 18/11/2023 07:07

We're not suggesting OP dates them either.

But a a 20 something dating women his own age is more likely to grow out of it than a 43 year old looking for women 20 years younger.

Show quote history

You have a point there.

Ndhdiwntbsivnwg · 18/11/2023 09:01

Bin him. You are worth so much more than this guy can offer.