Would you stop seeing him after this?

[Wouldthati]

Im 24 years old and I'm dating a man who I met on Hinge. He is really into hikes with his dog and climbs mountains every Sunday. Usually he goes up Snowdon but he will try out somewhere new each month, it's his hobby.

I'm not into anything like that, I'm not very outdoorsy and I did tell him this. I have never been up a mountain in my life. Whereas he has been doing this for about 25 years (he's 43).

We have been dating for two months and after a few dates he asked me if I'd want to go with him one Sunday but I said no, and that I really wouldn't enjoy it. However he aske me again a couple of weeks ago and I could tell he really wanted me to so I agreed because if it's important to him, I will give it a go. I was really scared and he assured me that we don't have to go to the top and we can stop whenever I've had enough.

We made a weekend of it and stayed over in Wales for a couple of nights and then went to Snowdon last Sunday. It was cold and wet and I wasn't enjoying myself. After a couple of hours I wanted to stop, I realised I'd make a mistake coming but was quite proud of myself for getting so far. I told him and he was very annoyed. He huffed and puffed and said to his dog "we'll come back next week when we can do this properly" I felt hurt because if he wanted to do it "properly" why did he invite me? He knew we weren't going to go to the top! I've never done this before, it's my first time and he's been doing it every week for years and years. He walked off in front of me down the mountain and I was quite scared and needed help to get down because the rocks were slippy because it was raining and I was scared I was going to slip. He didn't stop to help me once, just powered on in front. Every time I stopped to ask for help he shouted "just jump"

We drove home in silence. When he dropped me off, before I got out of the car he said "well, you've been disappointing" I was shocked and didn't know what to say. I just said right well I don't know what you expected when I told you it wasn't my thing, but I tried. I said I don't know when I'll next see you and he said "you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

I went home with tears in my eyes and I haven't messaged him since. I feel like this has really put me off him, I feel really sad and hurt. Would I be unreasonable to stop seeing him due to this? Or does he have a point in being annoyed with me? What are other people's thoughts on this?

At 24 you should not be dating 43 year olds. Max is 36/37. Even this is quite a stretch. Change your settings OP.

most men at 43 are either
a) inflexible selfish bastards which is why they are still single
b) players like Leonardo, never going to settle
c) just freshly divorced and looking for fun, possibly another relationship… but why take on a blended family set up when you could get a fresh single guy who has no baggage!

Start as you mean to go on. Set a vision of what you want and stick to it. Do not waver through loneliness.

Left alone looking after kids every weekend and holiday while he's climbing.

He'll no doubt be pressuring, domineering and guilting with any kid too; re his hobby and his expectations. What a miserable childhood to inflict on a kid.

He's also not responsible enough to be a Dad. Expecting a total novice to climb Snowdon in autumn with him first time.

I’d delete him , not text him in 2 days

hes mean mean mean

id honest to god fade , he doesn’t deserve even an explanation

‘You’ll text me in a couple of days no doubt’

I would be dumping and blocking him for that comment alone! Arrogant twat!

your mum definitely has the measure of him.

You don’t need to share every interest with your partner. DH and I have separate hobbies. We also do some stuff together. Not being into hiking does not mean you are incompatible. Him being an arse is the problem, here.

Tell him to do one. Nasty piece of work x

Agree with everyone..."block delete and move on" which incidentally is also the title of a great book which I suggest you get hold of and read 😉

The reason this guy had to drag you up an inappropriate walk, in probably inappropriate gear, is because he wouldn't be able to hold his own ego in the company of a similar aged woman who also had similar outdoors experience.

You don't take inexperienced people up Snowdon on their first walk, you definitely don't do it in November. You make sure they have appropriate gear and support and are feeling confident. I would hazard that he doesn't have the experience or knowledge he claims to have and that it was convenient that you were both a lot younger and less experienced in the setting. This is his problem, not yours, you were gusty and open minded and held your own boundaries.

He put you at risk. He is a bully and a cunt. No decent hiker would put a novice in danger like that. Send him this thread and dump him.

The comment about you 'texting in a couple of days no doubt' would put a stop to me seeing him again, never mind the behaviour on the mountain!

Tell him to stick mount snowdon up his arsicle.

This isn’t about him wanting a partner with similar interests. If it was, he’d date women and seek out women who specifically said they also like mountain climbing, or, he’d seek out a mountain climbing group and strike up connections there.

This is all about CONTROL. He wants to control you, a person with zero interest in mountain climbing, and force you into doing an activity you’ve already said you aren’t into. He’s chosen you because you’re younger, have more mouldable boundaries and he recognises you’ll question yourself and he thinks you’ll respond to his attempts at criticism and belittling you so you’ll fold to his wants, giving him control. He wants to control you.

He really doesn’t give a flying toss that you didn’t enjoy it, it was potentially unsafe for you and it stressed you out. He doesn’t care. If you don’t dump him, it will get worse and worse until you find you’ve completely lost yourself and twisted yourself into a pretzel to please him. Please don’t go down that path- it’s a route to utter misery.

You're not compatible, you have nothing in common so just block him and move on. Consider the type of person, their hobbies and values before you date them. If they're not compatible with you from the beginning then they're never going to be. I don't believe in compromising my values to fit in with someone else. My partner needs to share the same values as me before I jump into bed with them. So start being a bit more choosy about who you date.

He’s 43. You’re 24. What on earth were you thinking, you can do so much better!

Hes an aposolute arese! ditch him, I've done Snowdon more than once and I wouldn't do it my self this time of year let alone take someone who's not into the outdoors, it must have been miserable. Good on you for doing the 2 hours.

For sure end it with him, anyone who told me I'd been dissapointing would be out. But I don't like the modern way of blocking and ghosting, that will just validate his opinion. Have the balls and decency to break up with him properly. A text in which you can end it on whatever terms you choose - you could say exactly why, or you could say something generic like you're incompatible.

As someone who loves the mountains and hikes up Snowdon, I think what he did to you was appalling. I have friends who aren’t outdoorsy or who are but don’t like hillwalking so I always pick quite gentle walks with great views but enough so they feel they’ve ‘done’ a good walk. It’s meant to be enjoyable. What he did was all about his ego and showing off to you about how hardy he is while making you feel rubbish-how did he think you would enjoy it? And then being totally unfeeling when you got a bit nervous-he should’ve turned back and been gentle with you and said next time, we’ll go somewhere you’d enjoy. Then taken you to the pub for a stiff drink. At least you’ve found out what sort of man he is quite early on-I know it’s tough when you meet someone you like, but he’s shown you a side of him which is very unlikeable and inconsiderate. And tell him why you’re finishing it-it might make him think twice about the way he treats people.

Exactly. Two months in he feels free to be rude and smug; imagine after two years?

Dump him without a backward glance.

Also where did his "you'll be texting me.." snark come from? Is that just general arrogance on his part, or....Do you have form for placating and chasing these guys? Have a good long think about that.

You’re not compatible.
Throw this one back.

At 24 you can take your time playing the field and finding someone you truly like.

Can I ask why you went for a man with such a big age gap?

Sometimes big age gaps work but very often they don’t, as you are just at completely different stages of your life.

If I met someone I clicked with then the age wouldn’t be an issue, unless I wanted kids etc.
And so if you do want kids perhaps think about whether a 40yo would want any/anymore kids.

OP you are not unreasonable to ditch him. He was rude, arrogant and a right git.

However you should look at why you picked a guy who is so much older than you and one with interests that are not compatible with your own. It's been along time since I dated but if a guy said they liked camping for example, I'd just move on as personally it is not my cup of tea and I would not enjoy any break where camping is involved.

There's a reason he's 43 and single - he's uncompromising, set in his ways and selfish. Dump him, never look back and find someone your own age who cares for you. But also, good on you for trying new things (that I'm not adverse to!).

"you'll text me in a couple of days no doubt"

What a nasty arrogant prick! assuming that you would still want to text him. I would have told him to fuck off, and got out of his car and left the door wide open (so he has to get out and close it)
Don't you dare message him!

I despise camping. I know that because I’ve tried it and I hated it. It’s just not for me so I don’t go. I certainly wouldn’t allow a guy I’ve been dating for 2 months to bully me into going and then have to audacity to criticise me for it when I’ve already been honest about my feelings from the start.

Equally, if I wanted to do an activity and was told they didn’t like it and didn’t want to go, I’d completely respect that and I would try to find other things we could enjoy together that we both liked because I want the other person to enjoy themselves too. I don’t get pleasure out of forcing someone to do things they don’t really want to do. What kind of person does that?!

What a horrible man. He’s treated you like shit. Dump and don’t look back.

OP please don’t dare message him with any sort of explanation as to why you want to end things because, quite frankly, he won’t give a shit about your reasons, he’ll just see it as you not being able to resist texting him even if just to end it and he’ll see himself as being right.

Just let him fuck off into history and next time an older man with totally different hobbies approaches you - swipe left!

"well you've been disappointing"
"I'll expect you'll text me"
The arrogance of the twat! I'm raging on your behalf OP ... who TF does he think he is!!

He should be falling over himself that any 24 year old would even glance in his direction.