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Original poster

DH bought sex toys for himself

339 replies

namechannger · 14/11/2023 12:58

Background is that we are going through a phase of mis-matched libidos. This has caused tension between us.

Me: not currently very interested in sex probably due to tiredness, young children, work etc etc plus early 40's so possible peri. Have been doing it one or twice a week and more out of love than really feeling horny. Recently it's declined and there have been some weeks with zero sex happening. I would like it to be more but I just don't feel like it at the moment. I know it's hard as he feels like it everyday.

Him: would be happy to have sex everyday and would like it to be more adventurous than missionary.

Recently the mismatch has caused a rift. I've tried to book more childcare and do more self-care to help me feel more in the mood. When he's home from work he's been doing a bit more round the house and we have money to outsource stuff.

In the meantime DH has more sex drive so will w*nk by himself if no sex available. He watches porn on his phone which I'm okay with.

He's just ordered some new sex toys for men. I don't want to know what they are but I can guess. It makes me feel a bit sick / repulsed.

His argument is that whilst he's not getting the amount of sex he wants he wants to be able to pleasure himself, and he wouldn't have an issue with me using a vibrator, in fact he would encourage it and it's completely natural.

I feel uncomfortable about it though. AIBU to feel uncomfortable? Is it double standards when plenty of women use vibrators and DH would be happy with me using one?

OP posts:
TokyoGhoul · 14/11/2023 19:06

If what you are choosing to do with your body upsets your wife and leads to her having less respect for you, yes you can choose to wank into the tube anyway and divorce her, or you could consider her feelings not wank in the tube and build a stronger relationship with more sex.

There is a choice I agree, I just find it weird that sex with silicone and divorce is seen as preferable.

I think this is about a different view of marriage and sex not about sex toys.

VanityDiesHard · 14/11/2023 19:11

TokyoGhoul · 14/11/2023 19:06

If what you are choosing to do with your body upsets your wife and leads to her having less respect for you, yes you can choose to wank into the tube anyway and divorce her, or you could consider her feelings not wank in the tube and build a stronger relationship with more sex.

There is a choice I agree, I just find it weird that sex with silicone and divorce is seen as preferable.

I think this is about a different view of marriage and sex not about sex toys.

I don't think that's reasonable at all, and what's more, not a SINGLE person on this thread would be taking that attitude to a man policing his wife's use of a vibrator. Not a one. If the OP doesn't want to have sex with her husband, that is fair enough, but she doesn't get to pull a disgusted face when he uses a way to satisfy his needs which does not involve cheating.

Charlize43 · 14/11/2023 19:14

On the bright side, it should make Christmas Shopping a lot easier for you this year.

User1789 · 14/11/2023 19:17

I think the fact that the OP reacts with disgust to her partner's sexuality, when it is sitting well within the boundaries of a monogamous relationship, is a bit sad really, and quite telling.

The idea that the onus is on him to not trigger this disgust response, when the trigger point seems to be quite low, seems desparately unfair.

I do think this is a horribly gendered reaction, and OP might need to do some unpacking about her views of male sexuality and why it is all so inherently negative to her. Some might find a horny husband quite sexy, fun or even adorable. Disgust is not an inevitable response to this.

Panaa · 14/11/2023 19:21

If my o/h told me I wasn't allowed toys and he got the ick, I'd laugh in his face.

It would depend on what the toy is though, most men are fine with vibrators but some of those could get the ick if instead of the vibrator their OH bought herself a fucking machine with a 10" dildo attached to it.

I wouldn't mind a man having a stroker or something but I think I'd get the ick if he wanted to put his penis in one of those fake arses 😂

PhantomUnicorn · 14/11/2023 19:28

Why do people keep bringing up that they sometimes have sex once or twice a week?

so is that the rules now, if you get it once a week, you should ignore your body the other 6 days and be happy with what you get? Should he be expected to stick a chastity cage on and give her the key until she decides she's up for it again?

My BF and i are twice a week people as its only weekends we can be together, but on the other days we don't tell each other 'right, that's your lot, no touching yourself for the rest of the week' we actively encourage each other and often send explicit messages back and forth, engage in mutual masturbation, or tell the other one that we masturbated while thinking about them.
I've been ill this week and not feeling particularly into it, but still enjoyed knowing he's been getting off thinking about me.

The only issue i have with the OP's DH is his use of porn, but i know my BF likes using pictures i've sent him of me, or listening to explicit voice notes i've sent him.

I'd also like to point out i'm 42 and thought i was asexual when i divorced my ExH, had zero interest in sex the last 4 years of our marriage and just did 'duty sex.
I'm not, nor do i have a low sex drive, i just didn't fancy him any more... my sex drive is perfectly fine and motoring very nicely with the current BF of 6mo.

Petallove · 14/11/2023 19:34

Maybe you should buy some too it may help! It wouldn’t bother me sounds like it is only you he is interested in and that’s a good thing!

User1789 · 14/11/2023 19:35

'so is that the rules now, if you get it once a week, you should ignore your body the other 6 days and be happy with what you get? Should he be expected to stick a chastity cage on and give her the key until she decides she's up for it again?'

Wait until some of the posters learn you an buy the equipment for that on Love Honey.

QuickDraining · 14/11/2023 19:37

I'd be worried if it was a doll, and he started taking it out for picnics, cinema trips etc.

StillStuckInTheShed · 14/11/2023 19:40

QuickDraining · 14/11/2023 19:37

I'd be worried if it was a doll, and he started taking it out for picnics, cinema trips etc.

A restaurant would really make me start to worry...

SheerLucks · 14/11/2023 19:49

User1789 · 14/11/2023 19:17

I think the fact that the OP reacts with disgust to her partner's sexuality, when it is sitting well within the boundaries of a monogamous relationship, is a bit sad really, and quite telling.

The idea that the onus is on him to not trigger this disgust response, when the trigger point seems to be quite low, seems desparately unfair.

I do think this is a horribly gendered reaction, and OP might need to do some unpacking about her views of male sexuality and why it is all so inherently negative to her. Some might find a horny husband quite sexy, fun or even adorable. Disgust is not an inevitable response to this.

Absolutely agree with this! You do need a bit of a head wobble OP.

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 14/11/2023 19:55

@namechanngerweirdly I also get a bit of an "ick" thinking about men sticking things up their arses or sticking their cocks in toys, but I really don't know why. Similarly, I'm also repulsed by imagining people have a shit! I hate imagining anyone, male or female, having sex or masturbating, yet am pretty uninhibited and OK with it when I'm actually having sex. It's as though when I'm not in the mood I think "yuk", but am fine when I'm turned on. I have no idea what that's all about 😳

User1789 · 14/11/2023 19:58

ButteredStrumpetWithJam · 14/11/2023 19:55

@namechanngerweirdly I also get a bit of an "ick" thinking about men sticking things up their arses or sticking their cocks in toys, but I really don't know why. Similarly, I'm also repulsed by imagining people have a shit! I hate imagining anyone, male or female, having sex or masturbating, yet am pretty uninhibited and OK with it when I'm actually having sex. It's as though when I'm not in the mood I think "yuk", but am fine when I'm turned on. I have no idea what that's all about 😳

Arousal raises the level needed to trigger our disgust response, in the same way it reduces perception of pain etc.

MRSMTO · 14/11/2023 20:03

Charlize43 · 14/11/2023 19:14

On the bright side, it should make Christmas Shopping a lot easier for you this year.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

New pants ✔️
New Socks ✔️
Sportsman's autobiography ✔️
Fanny Phantom 5000 ✔️

Something I want
Something I need
Something to wear
Something to stick my cock in

OP, let the man get his kicks however he wants, I agree with others - perhaps look at getting yourself a toy box all of your own. Nothing grander than playing with your toys together!

PhantomUnicorn · 14/11/2023 20:06

User1789 · 14/11/2023 19:35

'so is that the rules now, if you get it once a week, you should ignore your body the other 6 days and be happy with what you get? Should he be expected to stick a chastity cage on and give her the key until she decides she's up for it again?'

Wait until some of the posters learn you an buy the equipment for that on Love Honey.

Edited

Don't be silly, those are egg yolk separators.... ;)

Namechange666 · 14/11/2023 20:08

SomeoneSaidSomethingAboutSometime · 14/11/2023 17:31

No one should ever force you to have sex and rightly so. But you also can't have it both ways and be put off by him using toys.

Well, actually she can. He may choose to end the relationship which is his right, but she absolutely can not have much/any sex and still be put off by him using toys.

If a man was saying this to a woman about using sex toys, they'd all be baying controlling. She can end it if she likes or be an adult and talk to him?

ShadowCipher · 14/11/2023 20:09

some of the prices of the devices are omg

Namechange666 · 14/11/2023 20:10

Mrsttcno1 · 14/11/2023 17:51

HAHAHAHA possibly one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever seen on here 🤣 “love honey, revolting” 🤣 you’d probably be a lot less miserable if you made an order yourself chick

Show quote history

That's hilarious 😂

MRSMTO · 14/11/2023 20:16

Love honey. Revolting!!!!
🤣🤣🤣

Namechange666 · 14/11/2023 20:16

User1789 · 14/11/2023 18:56

But telling your partner your respect for them is rocked by some fairly normal masturbation preferences and exploration is not how an intimate relationship should work.

There's a lot of projection going on here about objectification and disrespect, but it sounds like the man just wants to have a wank. In the nicest way possible, it has nothing to do with the OP.

Show quote history

100% this.

Some of these women clearly think they own their man's bodies.

It isn't just men who mastubate, lots of women do too.

Makes me laugh about using a fake vagina. Well I'd rather them use that than someone else's! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Namechange666 · 14/11/2023 20:19

Charlize43 · 14/11/2023 19:14

On the bright side, it should make Christmas Shopping a lot easier for you this year.

That comment 😁

Screamingabdabz · 14/11/2023 20:19

I’m fascinated by threads like these. It’s pitchfork time and op is a witch for depriving that poor man his daily shag. Her whole existence is boiled down to sexual service.

But everyone ignores the fact that she has young children, she’s knackered and her hormones aren’t perky. I suspect her head is full of lists of lists of responsibilities and carrying the whole mammoth military operation that is family life. His head has a single moth flying around and a big neon sign in the shape of his cock and balls. 🙄

Namechange666 · 14/11/2023 20:20

QuickDraining · 14/11/2023 19:37

I'd be worried if it was a doll, and he started taking it out for picnics, cinema trips etc.

💀💀💀💀💀🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

PhantomUnicorn · 14/11/2023 20:20

Its the 'flesh light objectify the female body' for me.

I guess the for or five fake dicks made of various material in my bedside draw don't do the same thing.

PhantomUnicorn · 14/11/2023 20:22

QuickDraining · 14/11/2023 19:37

I'd be worried if it was a doll, and he started taking it out for picnics, cinema trips etc.

I mean, the time to worry is when he insists on it sitting in the passenger seat with a dress and sunhat on like my friend does with the 6ft halloween skeleton he owns...