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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm going off sex because DP is obsessed with it even when I'm ill

207 replies

PandoraRocks · 09/11/2023 21:12

We don't live together but have been in a relationship for a long time. I usually go to his house at weekends and we holiday together.

He has always had a higher sex drive than me but I was pretty keen in the early years together. Admittedly, I'm less interested now post menopause but have no trouble having orgasms. I had problems with painful sex (now sorted) and he wasn't particularly understanding and didn't realise how uncomfortable it was for me.

Cut to the present and he is obsessed with sex to the point it's pushing me away. He's worse now since he started smoking weed again (gave up for a few years), watches porn every day in work and at home and keeps texting me saying what he wants to do. He also has a fetish which he wants to do every time we have sex and I'm beginning to feel more like a performing doll. He has admitted he can't stop thinking about sex all the time because he doesn't get enough apparently!

I had an accident 2 months ago and had a painful bone break. I haven't been able to drive so basically stuck at home or on buses (rural area so transport not great). He stayed with me the first week and has come over once since then but I've been pretty much left to myself. I've managed with internet shopping and a friend's help. I have been over to his place once. Every time I saw him he wanted a blow job, even with my arm in a sling! Now he wants to see me this weekend for 3 days of 'shagging' every day.

Honestly I'm pissed off. I feel neglected and its been a challenging time for me emotionally, financially and physically. I don't want to spend all weekend indoors as I've done that for 2 months! He sulks when he doesn't have sex. I just wish he had some other interests like I do.

OP posts:
SaturdayGiraffe · 10/11/2023 11:24

He has ‘coombrain’. It’s an addiction and you will always be second.
Time to be single for a while.

StarTrek6 · 10/11/2023 11:28

Dh takes a viagra equivalent and still wants sex at 75 - this won’t go away OP

PandoraRocks · 10/11/2023 11:39

I just had to ring him regarding work and was asked what time I'd be arriving for shagging! I told him I wasn't and asked why he had only been to see me twice in the last month. Apparently he's too tired and he complained that I had only been to see him once! Asked why he was watching porn everyday at work and he said because he's bored out of his mind - he's often moaning to me about the tedium of his life. I said that normal people aren't watching porn all the time and obsessed with sex and he replied that normal people have a sex life. We had sex 2 weeks ago! But now he's trying g to make me feel guilty for 'rationing' sex. He just hung up.

OP posts:
Hardylimesrtv · 10/11/2023 11:43

You need to back yourself @PandoraRocks, you don’t need this. He’s obviously awful, but the answer here is not you proving to him that he’s awful, it’s getting out asap. I’m sorry, it’s horrible but you need to move on. 💐

fulawitt · 10/11/2023 11:45

So he's not working and he wants pussy.

SaturdayGiraffe · 10/11/2023 11:49

It’s not the weed.
It’s not the porn.
It’s not the job.

It’s the man.

SerafinasGoose · 10/11/2023 11:49

What a tedious, self-pitying, whiny, boring little man he sounds. Can he ever talk about any other topic? He sounds more of a sex-obsessed one trick pony than Roy Chubby Brown: and just about as funny and attractive.

Really: 'what time will you be arriving for shagging' - what woman could resist such an offer?

Your update gave me the heebies. He's revolting.

Topjoe19 · 10/11/2023 11:50

Dirty beggar. In the bin with him!

Ianz · 10/11/2023 11:53
Move On No GIF by HBO Max

just when I thought things can't get any worse !

Howbizarre22 · 10/11/2023 12:00

PandoraRocks · 10/11/2023 11:39

I just had to ring him regarding work and was asked what time I'd be arriving for shagging! I told him I wasn't and asked why he had only been to see me twice in the last month. Apparently he's too tired and he complained that I had only been to see him once! Asked why he was watching porn everyday at work and he said because he's bored out of his mind - he's often moaning to me about the tedium of his life. I said that normal people aren't watching porn all the time and obsessed with sex and he replied that normal people have a sex life. We had sex 2 weeks ago! But now he's trying g to make me feel guilty for 'rationing' sex. He just hung up.

Get. Rid.

Deadringer · 10/11/2023 12:09

Ltb.

Mrsjayy · 10/11/2023 12:12

PandoraRocks · 10/11/2023 11:39

I just had to ring him regarding work and was asked what time I'd be arriving for shagging! I told him I wasn't and asked why he had only been to see me twice in the last month. Apparently he's too tired and he complained that I had only been to see him once! Asked why he was watching porn everyday at work and he said because he's bored out of his mind - he's often moaning to me about the tedium of his life. I said that normal people aren't watching porn all the time and obsessed with sex and he replied that normal people have a sex life. We had sex 2 weeks ago! But now he's trying g to make me feel guilty for 'rationing' sex. He just hung up.

he's an arsehole honestly this Is him not you nobody has the right to sex . if he's bored can he not take up cycling or.pottery or something !

HeBeaverandSheBeaver · 10/11/2023 12:13

Tell him

Welcome to thinking about sex all the time and not getting it as I'm done.
I would Like a partner to enjoy the good things in life not a sex pest. See ya.

Melodyy · 10/11/2023 12:14

PandoraRocks · 10/11/2023 11:39

I just had to ring him regarding work and was asked what time I'd be arriving for shagging! I told him I wasn't and asked why he had only been to see me twice in the last month. Apparently he's too tired and he complained that I had only been to see him once! Asked why he was watching porn everyday at work and he said because he's bored out of his mind - he's often moaning to me about the tedium of his life. I said that normal people aren't watching porn all the time and obsessed with sex and he replied that normal people have a sex life. We had sex 2 weeks ago! But now he's trying g to make me feel guilty for 'rationing' sex. He just hung up.

I just had to ring him regarding work and was asked what time I'd be arriving for shagging!
Seriously? OP I'm sure you value yourself more than this. This is degrading.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 10/11/2023 12:16

PandoraRocks · 10/11/2023 11:39

I just had to ring him regarding work and was asked what time I'd be arriving for shagging! I told him I wasn't and asked why he had only been to see me twice in the last month. Apparently he's too tired and he complained that I had only been to see him once! Asked why he was watching porn everyday at work and he said because he's bored out of his mind - he's often moaning to me about the tedium of his life. I said that normal people aren't watching porn all the time and obsessed with sex and he replied that normal people have a sex life. We had sex 2 weeks ago! But now he's trying g to make me feel guilty for 'rationing' sex. He just hung up.

Buy him a blow-up doll and mark it as his farewell gift!

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/11/2023 12:21

Personally, I'd be grateful that I had that accident that put my arm in a sling because it has made it crystal clear how little he cares for you.

He does not see you as a person, you are indeed "a performing doll" to him, and since your 'performance' has been affected by your injury, he now sees you as a defective performing doll - why would he spend any time with a defective fucktoy? It's nothing to do with him being tired from work, whatever he says. You feel neglected because you ARE neglected! In a healthy relationship, he'd be coming to yours to check you were alright, maybe cook for you and clean a bit to take the pressure off your arm, text you during the day to provide some company. He's doing none of that, is he? For him, the 'relationship' is absolutely transactional. He does it to get sex.

I'm confused about the joint business. How can he be knackered and not getting home late - and yet have time to be "watching porn everyday at work ... because he's bored out of his mind"? Those two things are in opposition, in my opinion. 'Knackered' happens when you're working hard, 'bored' when you're not. Something sounds askew.

fulawitt · 10/11/2023 12:22

My first : LTB

MeanWeedratStew · 10/11/2023 12:29

Why is he so bored at work? Shouldn’t he be, you know… working?

Also, LTB. There is nothing in this “relationship” for you.

SuperSange · 10/11/2023 12:34

I've only read the OP's messages. What the fuck did I just read? I'm horrified.

Snazzysausage · 10/11/2023 12:52

After reading your update I'm horrified.
What he's said to you is revolting and degrading. I suppose if there could ever be a silver lining to you breaking your arm,it's that he's shown you exactly what he's like when the chips are down. And how much
(little) he values you as a person.

LifeExperience · 10/11/2023 12:56

He does not think of you as a fully human being equal to him. You're just a sex toy. The big question here is why you're willing to put up with a man who dehumanizes you.

JFDIYOLO · 10/11/2023 13:32

Ugh.

EtiennePalmiere · 10/11/2023 13:37

Rationing ?? So gross.

bonzaitree · 10/11/2023 15:01

if I were you I’d just message him say it’s over and block on everything. You don’t need a man like that in your life (« man » used in the loosest possible sense)

greyhairnomore · 10/11/2023 15:04

God I couldn't be doing with that. What a bastard.