I'm going off sex because DP is obsessed with it even when I'm ill

[PandoraRocks]

We don't live together but have been in a relationship for a long time. I usually go to his house at weekends and we holiday together.

He has always had a higher sex drive than me but I was pretty keen in the early years together. Admittedly, I'm less interested now post menopause but have no trouble having orgasms. I had problems with painful sex (now sorted) and he wasn't particularly understanding and didn't realise how uncomfortable it was for me.

Cut to the present and he is obsessed with sex to the point it's pushing me away. He's worse now since he started smoking weed again (gave up for a few years), watches porn every day in work and at home and keeps texting me saying what he wants to do. He also has a fetish which he wants to do every time we have sex and I'm beginning to feel more like a performing doll. He has admitted he can't stop thinking about sex all the time because he doesn't get enough apparently!

I had an accident 2 months ago and had a painful bone break. I haven't been able to drive so basically stuck at home or on buses (rural area so transport not great). He stayed with me the first week and has come over once since then but I've been pretty much left to myself. I've managed with internet shopping and a friend's help. I have been over to his place once. Every time I saw him he wanted a blow job, even with my arm in a sling! Now he wants to see me this weekend for 3 days of 'shagging' every day.

Honestly I'm pissed off. I feel neglected and its been a challenging time for me emotionally, financially and physically. I don't want to spend all weekend indoors as I've done that for 2 months! He sulks when he doesn't have sex. I just wish he had some other interests like I do.

He sounds utterly repulsive !

Right the bloke is an utter bellend and you need to distance yourself from him right now.
He brings nothing that is good for you so just get rid of him.

Time to end this relationship IMHO. It sounds totally unbearable.

Get rid of the perverted freak!

Dump this dirty loser. He did not look after you when you were ill and that says it all for me and asking for a bj was his first thought upon seeing you when you had arm in sling. Tell him to sling his hook. Watching porn at work and expecting you to do his fetish every time.

Please just tell him to piss off as he is gross and is just all about him and his needs and he seems to be sinking deeper and deeper into the porn world and just sees you as a body and not a woman with emotions and needs and he has not got a caring bone in his body. He is beyond selfish and it would also turn me off and would just tell him to piss off and block him as you can do so much better. Please take time out for yourself and look up red flags and just be single and have peace of mind for a while. He is gross.
Any decent man would be making sure you had anything you need if you could not drive but he is just all about himself.

You are putting a weird twist on it.

I don't fancy my chances of finding the rare man for whom me being out of "action" for any reason/lenght of time would not be an issue. I want to be able to decide guilting-free what MY body will do or won't do at any given time. I don't want to compromise on that.

Being conscious of that reality, has not made me keep faulty partners around. Quite the opposite - I don't want to be dealing with that repetitive crap, so I'm NOT dating.

It's great - I still can have all the sex I fancy (emphasis on "I" ). But I can also bleed, piss, break bones and have cancer without someone trying to stick it in. Sorry to be crude.

I am appalled.

Throw this scum in the bin.

Please block this 'person' and never see him again @PandoraRocks x

I had one like this and life is so much nicer without the pressure/demands.

@PandoraRocks

My cousin (late 50s) had a bf (early 60s) like that. Just constantly pestering her, grabbing her, rubbing up against her. Saying things like "Nooky time" and other juvenile phrases. Thinking that those phrases and telling her she was 'so sexy he couldn't keep his hands off her' was enough to turn her on.

She explained and explained until she was blue in the face what a turn off his behaviour was, all to no avail. She dumped him once she realized that her self esteem taking a nose dive was all due to him and his 'needs'. Her self esteem came back and she is so much happier without him. She hasn't jumped back in th dating pool quite yet. She feels she needs a break from men for awhile.

I suggest you follow her path and dump this wanker.

He is a bloody caveman like someone else said. Watching porn at work, I would report the loser. Christ just chuck him, the sad selfish specimen.

I believe the OP forgot to tell us that he's really good looking, rich, an amazing cook, emotionally & financially supportive and never voted Tory.

Jokes beside.... What are you getting from this relationship OP?

Throw him back in the sea OP. With any luck he will get caught up in a plastic bag floating in the water…………

Dump him. I'm sure he'll have all the women throwing themselves at him... not!

His behaviour and expectations are beyond the pale. I hope you dump him and he gets fired.

"Nooky time"

@AcrossthePond55 😂

That would give me the ick and I’d kick him to the kirb.

I had an ex who used to get it out and wave it at me. He sent me birthday and Christmas cards from himself and his appendage. Love from (name) and Prick.

Oh my god OP, he sounds like a dreadful man! So selfish and entirely centred on his own needs at the cost of your comfort, causing you pain even and not caring?? He is treating you as if he's paying you for a service (of course I assume he's not) and I do wonder if a man like this, who expects 'his woman' to service his needs in this selfish, one-way manner might also be paying women for sex.

I would just not want to be anywhere near him or in a relationship with him if it were me. Demands for sex even when you're not interested, weed and a porn habit?? What a catch he is, indeed.

But you are of the opinion that a man who would respect your bodily autonomy and not push or guilt tou for sex when you are injured, is 'rare'.

It's not rare..most men are not monsters. Many men are yes. But in saying that its rare to find a man who is essentially l, decent... I can see why you don't want to date if that's what you think of guys.

Is it possible that you dated a few shit men that conditioned you into thinking it was normal so you continued to date more shit men?

Yes, knowing your worth is an important factor in removing crap people from your life. But if you hold all men to the low Barr you recieved from past partners...is it not likely you would only attract more of the same, if you did date again?

Its sort of like if I was a guy and dated 'gold diggers' and stopped dating because I saw most women as gold diggers. It would be a mysoginistic outlook. The truth is, some women are only after men for their money. But they are a small subsection. And if you spot them fast you can avoid them. But if you date, assuming that all women are gold diggers...you are going to accept shitty behaviour that playes into your narrative. Because you think there isn't anything better out there.

Its good that you are single and happy. But are you not dating because you value yourself....or because you've devalued men?

Of the bubonic plague variety!

OP, Why do you love and respect yourself so little that you let a man treat you this way?

He's a pornsick scrote who does not care about you. If he did he would be understanding. If he cared he would not ask for blowjobs when you are in a sling. If he cared he would not have left you after a week to fend for yourself.

He's useless and you will be happier without him. Buy a good vibrator to replace him. You'll have a much better time.

Yeah, pretty boak-inducing. And there were others too puerile to write down.

Gave me the 'ick' and I wasn't even the one dating him!!!

Is sex always about what he wants?

Well he wasn't always like this and didn't watch porn so much. I think its become an addiction and when I mentioned it before he said it was due to a lack of sex! Truthfully don't all blokes watch it? I think it rots their brains.
I know he watches it at work when I'm not there because we have a business together and I've checked the laptop.
He has been running the business single handedly since my accident. I know he's knackered cause he often doesn't get home till 7pm and as we live 12 miles apart he's too tired to come over. It is really important he keeps things going as I'm fucked financially speaking. Got a massive repair bill coming soon and car still in the bloody garage after 4 weeks so don't have transport even though I could drive now.
He said he can't concentrate on anything and just thinks about sex all the time. There's a kind of desperation about it which wasn't there before and of course that just puts me off. Admittedly sex has taken a back seat this year due to both of us having illnesses like Covid, bad backs, stomach viruses, my accident etc. And now I've got months of physio to regain my arm function.

He. Needs. Help.

Of the legitimate therapeutic kind.

it’s a but pathetic that all he can do is think about knocking one out and watching porn 24/7.

needs to knock the weed etc on the head as well I’d suggest.