My very long ago ex just emailed me to say that...

[Seenandheard]

He cheated on me. Once only, at the tail end of a flagging relationship, 14 years ago.

Our relationship was so up and down. He treated me unbelievably badly for 4 years (he had a drug and gambling habit that he hid well for ages), and I could write pages of his wrongdoings here. Seriously shitty behaviour that deeply hurt me, over and over again. I was a fool to keep going back to him but.... he was super charismatic, I was young and we were (initially) in love.

Anyway thank goodness my life is absolutely incredible now. My work, home, family, husband.. I'm so lucky. The stars have aligned. I have often wondered about ex but in an abstract way (if I hear certain music). I don't devote time to thinking about him. I know he is a lost soul and I was never sure he would ever find contentment or happiness.

So the email. Out of the blue. Last contact 8 years ago. But now he is on a leadership course where they have act with 100% integrity and to own their past mistakes. His longer explanation made me think he is in some kind of sad, overpriced bullshit course/cult in the USA (i believe he lives there). He has to contact everyone where he acted "out of integrity" to discuss and apologise. So this comes out.
I mean what the actual fuck? I genuinely don't care about the cheating. Its shitty behaviour but it's so far in the past it doesn't even feel like it happened to to me. Our relationship was not good at that point. But why this single event, when he had literally hundreds to pick from? Why does he think it appropriate to confess to something I had no suspicions of at the time - out of the blue - and then run? His last paragraph was "I can now consider this matter, and the past, closed"

I'm not a priest hearing his confession!! Oh my god I hate him so much for being such a total tosser. i just want to reach out and slap him, tell him he is doing things all wrong.Thinking this was a normal or appropriate thing to do! Aaaargh!

I responded to his initial brief feeler email saying "what do you want, I have no need to dredge up the past" and then he sent the second confession email.

I can only see the best response now is absolutely silence, right? Always leave him wondering, and hopefully NOT gaining full closure. If he is like he used to be, this will drive him crazy.

But I wanted to vent on here and see if anyone else thinks this is as nuts as I do?? Or is it a genuinely good thing he tried to do?

Well done, excellent response

Just seen that you have actually replied OP, so I agree with the above poster. You’ve given him attention and shown that you are still bothered. Stupid move imo, but it’s your life.

Ah, he's just lying about him doing step 4 of whatever addiction-Anonymous fellowship or rehab facility he's in. Probably isn't even true and he's just made it up because he wants to convince the others in the group that he's super desirable.

It won't work because he's still lying.

Good plan to block him. You don't want him to keep on using you to feel better about himself.

Well I guess everyone is entitled to their opinion so they can say "stupid move" etc except that a) as mentioned, the response was sent and b) I have no regrets and am not looking for validation from anyone.

I felt actually a real sense of closure sending what I did. I know him, I know the nature of our relationship and interactions, I know what we best for me in terms of course of action.

I only repeat it here for all those who replied and may have been interested.

So please, don't waste your time saying it wasn't a good idea because I don't particularly care to hear and you are wasting your time.

Brilliant op!

Your email to him was freakin' AMAZING!

I disagree. She's taken his power. He thought he could slide into her inbox, open old wounds, mic drop and disappear again, all in the name of 'bettering himself'. Honestly he sounds delusional enough to twist whatever she'd said (even if she'd said nothing at all) to suit his own narrative, but the point is she feels better, so it was a good message.

Great email.

Don’t contact him, he sounds like an attention seeking twat. Just continue to get on with your life.

You are a legend. ❤️

Respond with the Catholic church absolution:

God the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

And stick a smiley face at the end!

Sorry, just realised this is an old message!

If you respond, you will show him that you care and are thinking about him, which you say you’re not. Ignore the email.

I like your response. Brilliant!

Bravo! This is a spectacular update. Well played OP

Well you do sound a bit angry but fair enough. It's a good message and thanks for updating. He'll probably ignore it but cest la vie. I kind of like you left it a month then got the last word

Bloody love it OP 👏👏👏👏

I like the response, you've seen right through him.

Thank you for coming back to share that with us, OP.

Good stuff, op.

His armour of smug will probably bounce it off but who knows there might be a tiny bit of self-awareness left in him.

Glad you feel better for it.

If it is Landmark, the added bonus to your take-no-bullshit reply/block response is that you’ve probably avoided his inevitable next ‘step’ - trying to sell you the course

Silence. The selfishness of people who do this stuff is unbelievable. The ego of imagining you will be okay with hearing what is usually a self serving apology is massive.

Sorry it happened OP. I've had a few of these too and any contact was always negative. There is a reason you don't speak