Do all men cheat?

[Sundance03]

I see a lot of posts on MN about DH affairs and cheating. It makes me nervous... I don't think my DH has ever cheated.. at least that I know of. Am I very naive in thinking that there are men that do not cheat out there?

Of course they don't.
Few married men are so desirable that an affair partner would fall into their lap. So to cheat requires a level of effort in courtship, flattery and persuasion of the target OW that many would be too lazy to make.
Others would have no opportunity however much effort they made.

Judging by the number of “he’s cheating “ threads on this forum, I would say your comment is rubbish

Do you understand my comment? I said MANY men would not make the effort required. Others would not be attractive enough to find someone to cheat with. These men then would not cheat. Hence ALL men don't cheat.
Clearly the men on the cheating threads fall into the categories of men who are prepared to make an effort to cheat and/or are sufficiently attractive to find a woman who'll have them. So they belong to the subset of SOME (which is not the same as ALL, remember!) men who cheat.
You may disagree with my comment. But using as your evidence the fact that some MNetters husband cheat doesn't make your case.

Saying that only "attractive" men have affairs means nothing at all.

How do you define "attractive"?

And yes, plenty of men do and would have affairs given half a chance.

It doesn't matter how I define attractive unless I become the target for a would be cheat, does it? It's in the eye of the beholder.
If a married man becomes attracted to a woman who isn't his wife and decides he'd like to have an affair with her, then he needs to be sufficiently attractive to HER that she will consider him. Unfortunately for many would be cheats, the women they're interested in wouldn't look twice at them, so they're faithful by default.
And I never once said that plenty of men don't have affairs. I said that not ALL do. Is there a lack of shared understanding of the difference between 'many' and 'all' here?

Do all men cheat? Of course not.

If you take your perspective of men from the posts on the Mumsnet relationship thread then it's bound to be pretty bleak because all the threads here are about failing relationships.

The ones that are working don't post here.

If it doesn’t matter how you define attractive, what did the following mean

“Few married men are so desirable that an affair partner would fall into their lap”.

as it would not matter to you, how desirable or not, the man is, or in your opinion are all married men just ugly pigs that no other woman would even look twice at ?

is there a lack of understanding from you about what attraction means, just because you don’t find a man desirable, that doesn’t necessarily mean the next person won’t?

It means what it says. There are very few married men so desirable that they have women throwing themselves at them desperate to be their affair partner. The sheer fact that he is not only married so not available all the time, but also if willing, a liar and a cheat, is a little off putting to most women.
This means that the average looking man, of average means and average status will not be fighting off a queue of women desperate to share him with his wife.
If he ends up having an affair he will almost always have to have put some work in to court the OW.
You seem curiously offended by my stating the rather obvious. Are you a married man? Or a woman upset at the thought no one might not want to have an affair with your husband?

No, I do not believe my DH would cheat. He has firm morals and would place his foot by them under testing circumstances. He might be flattered and a little embarrassed if another woman came onto him but I think that’s as far as it would go. I trust him implicitly

And I assume you also mean the average looking woman of average means and average status ( which is what I guess you are ? ), will not be fighting off a queue of men desperate to court them ?

Men and women have been cheating for millennia.
Cheating is usually formed by familiarity, normally in the workplace. Natural courtship. Work events, and after-work socials, easy to fall prey to having an outlet or fun.

It’s odd now I come to think of it, of the affairs I’ve known about, it’s actually the woman who instigated it, not the man. 3 sets of married couples and each time it was the woman who made the advance and then controlled the situation to her liking from there. Women can be just as predatory as men - it took me by surprise to witness it

@5128gap

There are very few married men so desirable that they have women throwing themselves at them desperate to be their affair partner.

Don’t you believe it. Some women find married men highly attractive

They relish the challenge

I think its fair to say that average looking women of average means and average status would have a longer queue of applicants for no strings secret sex with them than their male counterparts, yes.

I know that if you're a man that probably grinds your gears a little, but such is life!

The majority of people are average-looking.
Affairs have nothing to do with a fabled attraction scale.

Depends where.

in a heavily based science male industry in my 20s - 1/4 could not get a girlfriend and we’re firmly in nerd mode, 1/4 had wives and were faithful and 1/2 had wives and girlfriends but had shagged around, cheated or done a one night stand etc

in my current role - all seem to be in relationships and non cheating or maybe I’ve just hit 50 and therefore not in the in talk

This is such a good point

That doesn't make my comment that you quoted any less true though, does it?

Your comments are not an objective truth. Just a subjective opinion.

Well given you quoted a specific opinion, that an average woman would have a longer queue of men interested in no strings secret sex with her than a man would of women, are you disagreeing with that? Do you think an average man would find it as easy to get sex on these terms as a woman would?

I think most PEOPLE cheat, not just men. Women are better at hiding it.
Those you assume haven’t cheated, well you have no idea really. I know several seemingly happily long term married couples. However, how do I know that neither partner has never strayed, they might not know themselves, or they might not want to tell others.
I do know lots of people who have either cheated or been cheated on. I know married couples who started as affair partners, that’s quite common and let’s face it, they don’t go around telling everyone.
I don’t think it has anything to do with attractiveness. Plenty of dowdy, plain people cheat.

Also lots of married men use prostitutes. Dh once worked on a project and one of the older men, who had been married a very long time, had saved up a lot of money to treat himself to a weekend with a prostitute. His wife was unaware. Makes me feel sick to be honest.

Physical attractiveness/ the youth and beauty factor isn’t the only thing some people find attractive in a partner. Personality/ sense of humour also.
But sadly you can’t overlook another factor which blinds some people.
It’s amazing how the size of a man’s….wallet/ status adds to attractiveness for some people, male or female. No spadework necessarily required.
One person’s old, boring, stable and predictable is another person’s safe, reliable good provider.

And doesn’t make it more true either, you are making nonsense up now