Trans people and loved ones

[AlphaTransWoman]

I feel this is one of the most difficult topics of all around gender transition, but for this very reason, it's one that has to be addressed. Apologies if this is on the wrong board, but I think it fits best here given the frequent discussions around trans issues that take place here.

I've been reading the excellent Trans Widows Voices website recommended on another thread, and I found many of the stories there heart-breaking. Transition can have a devastating effect on relationships, both between partners and close family members such as parents and children. One would be foolish to deny that.

Sometimes, however, transition is unavoidable where it is essential for an individual's mental wellbeing and their ability to function at all - whether in a relationship or in wider society.

The question then is how to mitigate the damage. What can transitioners and their loved ones do to preserve relationships if that is better for all involved, or end them amicably if not? My immediate thought is that good communication, understanding each other's boundaries and supporting each other are key, though I'm not entirely sure how these could work in practice.

The question is simply whether there is a helpful discussion we can have here about how the situation can be better managed? I'm not sure but I hope there is.

Please note that for reasons of privacy I won't be able to answer personal questions on this subject, and would hope any discussion on this issue is in general rather than specific terms. I hope you understand my reasons for this.

Now need spiky cucumbers.... has anyone any brilliant ideas for stopping butternut squash turning soup soapy?

How do you mean, soapy?

Soapy soup has flummoxed me.

I like sweet potato, red pepper and chilli soup, with a tin of coconut milk chucked in there.

I need some more soup recipes for winter, really.

Jamie Oliver's Parsnip and Ginger soup is good.

Honestly!

https://recipes.lovefoodhatewaste.com/recipe/chinese-style-stir-fried-lettuce

Cauliflower and some kind of blue cheese soup is lovely.

I made a spicy carrot and chorizo soup the other week, blinking lovely

exactly

Butternut squash soup tastes fabulous, but the texture does go odd, like you've thrown a box of lux flakes in there.

Yep. The idea that we might never agree with them Blows. Their. Fucking. Minds.

The narcissism is strong in those individuals.

I was late to the party but I'll stay for the soups!

👍

seconded

I do agree that some (the minority) of transitions are necessary for the individuals mental health. That if the underlying reason for the gender dysphoria has been addressed and treated without success, sometimes transitioning is a required step to alleviate the dysphoria. It should always be a last resort but for some people, it may end up being life saving treatment.

However, if you transition,not are not the same person your partner fell in love with. Attraction is usually a crucial part of the relationship and unless your partner is bisexual, they are not going to be attracted to you anymore if you have sex reassignment surgery. Therefore it is likely, and valid, for the relationship to end.

I'm not sure there is any mitigating the damage of that. It must feel like losing a loved one disease, slowly before your very eyes. In a way I suppose that is what it is. That if the person recovers mentally as a result of their transition (and ongoing therapy) they will still be forever changed. It will perhqps even feel as if they chose the illness over you.

You have to be a very strong person to know you need to walk away from the relationship but also, be able to let go of holding angst towards the person.

The problem is, many 'newage' trans people today do not acknowledge that gender dysphoria is mental illness. And transitioning is seen as a 'fix all'. Trans people who plan on transitioning need therapy too, to understand the route of their dysphoria and tackle other problems that have exhilarated it. Otherwise they will continue to spiral.

There are often issues like ocd and depression and self loathing, how can we ask a family unit to work through that if the individual themselves isn't willing to do that self work? Many trans people have been conned into thinking transitioning will fix everything. It won't.

Their dysphoria may even be based in for example, a mysoginistic upbringing, meaning that elements of their family are just as unstable in their mental health. And having a reasonable discourse with these people is unlikely to prove useful.

I think 1. Getting to the route of the dysphoria. 2. Engaging with therapy for these issues. 3. Treating transitioning as a last resort. 4. Identifying relevant family members that are not emotionally healthy and may have triggered your gender dysphoria in the first plance and leaving them behind and 5. Accepting that not wveryone is going to be willing to remain in your life and that for those who are, they relationship dynamics will change are important steps. Finally, family therapy on top of your own individual therapy wpuld be vital in mitigating the fall out from transitioning.

I'd love a recipe for a decent chicken soup. I was told the other day my pasta was inedible and husband was doing cooking from now on. Seriously concerned about our gender identities...

Barbara Rollins' Volumetrics research specifically addresses this question. It proposes that soup with chunks of veg or beans produces greater satiety than wholly liquid soup and the consumption of fluid with low calorie high volume foods like vegetables is likewise more satiating.

WTF does living like a woman even mean?? I'm not even sure that i do, and I've owned a fanny since birth

I doubt Alpha knows either, being male.

My mum was a bloody awful cook, for soup and everything else.

However I strongly suspect that she was, actually, a woman given that she gave birth to me.

My mum worked in M&S Foodhall, so quarter price sell-by date food in the microwave is my idea of home
cooking.

Definitely a woman though, seeing as she died of from a pesky gynae cancer (Ovarian).

It’s seven years since I retired from cancer nursing, but back then men who got breast cancer got breast cancer, not chest cancer.

So why/how “chestfeeding” was ever allowed to be a word is befuckingyond me.

Well, quite! It’s the breast tissue that’s affected, not the chest (which to me is the cavity that contains the lungs, eg mastitis is not the same thing as a ‘chest infection’).

Cancer nurses are my sheroes & heroes, Mavis, not just for my mum by for my DD too.

I made roasted cauliflower and cumin soup today for the first time. So some good has come out of this thread.

With home made stock!

Roasted, stripped chicken carcass in a stockpot.
Cut several large onions in half and dump in, skins and all (you can pre roast them or not, flavour is slightly different, I like both)
head of celery cut in half
several rashers of smoked bacon
several crushed cloves of garlic, skin and all
handful of herbs, taragon and thyme and sage some of my favourites
salt and pepper
slug of white wine
If you fancy a spicy stock, add some ginger, chilies and lemongrass.

Cover with cold water, lid the stock pot, bring to boil, simmer for as long as you want, I usually go for about an hour and a half. Cool, drain, throw away everything but the liquid. Put the liquid in whatever you want the stock for. For a chicken soup, reduce it down to strengthen the flavour, soften finely chopped onion, celery and bacon before adding. Cheese on toast floated on the top is rather nice.