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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trans people and loved ones

127 replies

AlphaTransWoman · 04/11/2023 16:37

I feel this is one of the most difficult topics of all around gender transition, but for this very reason, it's one that has to be addressed. Apologies if this is on the wrong board, but I think it fits best here given the frequent discussions around trans issues that take place here.

I've been reading the excellent Trans Widows Voices website recommended on another thread, and I found many of the stories there heart-breaking. Transition can have a devastating effect on relationships, both between partners and close family members such as parents and children. One would be foolish to deny that.

Sometimes, however, transition is unavoidable where it is essential for an individual's mental wellbeing and their ability to function at all - whether in a relationship or in wider society.

The question then is how to mitigate the damage. What can transitioners and their loved ones do to preserve relationships if that is better for all involved, or end them amicably if not? My immediate thought is that good communication, understanding each other's boundaries and supporting each other are key, though I'm not entirely sure how these could work in practice.

The question is simply whether there is a helpful discussion we can have here about how the situation can be better managed? I'm not sure but I hope there is.

Please note that for reasons of privacy I won't be able to answer personal questions on this subject, and would hope any discussion on this issue is in general rather than specific terms. I hope you understand my reasons for this.

OP posts:
Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:20

Split peas (with ham), or lentils can make good soup and the lentils cook quickly.

OldCrone · 04/11/2023 20:20

I live full time as a woman

No you don't. In order to live as a woman you have to be a woman. You're a man. You can't live as a woman.

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:23

That never makes any sense - DH has lived for years as a woman by doing all the household laundry and ironing (but mysteriously never cleaning the toilet) and no one has ever given him a certificate.

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:24

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:20

Split peas (with ham), or lentils can make good soup and the lentils cook quickly.

I once made a soup with the stock from boiling ham and it was absolutely disgusting.

What do you put with the lentils?

WomaninBoots · 04/11/2023 20:25

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:18

A good tip I learned at Slimming World is if you blend a tin of chick peas into home made soup, it gives it a creamy texture.

That is a good tip. I'm always trying cram in more protein too.

Catsanfan · 04/11/2023 20:26

Christ, DH runs the dishwasher most days, I didn't realise he is now my wife

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:29

That is a good tip. I'm always trying cram in more protein too.
A colleague said she uses butter beans which I haven't tried, but I imagine would work.

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:31

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:24

I once made a soup with the stock from boiling ham and it was absolutely disgusting.

What do you put with the lentils?

Start everything with gently frying carrot, onion and celery (or something equivalent eg leeks or celeriac) and use some decent stock cubes. Herbs can be good too.

Pea soup is best with stock made from Ham Hock, and then some of it shredded into it.

I have tried making my own stock, and it can be really good, but for everyday used I feel it is a bit of a waste of gas.

WomaninBoots · 04/11/2023 20:32

We basically eat roast veg and some kind of bean most days now. Occasionally some meat too. ManinBoots does ALL the cooking so clearly I have our names the wrong with round.

But recently started experiments with soups. How come a soup is so much more filling that its constituent parts? It's like magic.

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:34

I have tried making my own stock, and it can be really good, but for everyday used I feel it is a bit of a waste of gas.
The whole of Mumsnet is shook now that you don't make your own stock.

Does lentil soup make you farty? I made some dahl once and it was delicious, but ye gods it's a good job I was on my own in the house.

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:34

I remember watching something on BBC2 where they gave one lot of people dinner, and another lot of people dinner made into soup, and they stayed fuller longer.🤷‍♀️

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:35

WomaninBoots · 04/11/2023 20:32

We basically eat roast veg and some kind of bean most days now. Occasionally some meat too. ManinBoots does ALL the cooking so clearly I have our names the wrong with round.

But recently started experiments with soups. How come a soup is so much more filling that its constituent parts? It's like magic.

I always need bread with a soup but I suspect it's psychological.

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:35

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:34

I have tried making my own stock, and it can be really good, but for everyday used I feel it is a bit of a waste of gas.
The whole of Mumsnet is shook now that you don't make your own stock.

Does lentil soup make you farty? I made some dahl once and it was delicious, but ye gods it's a good job I was on my own in the house.

My Grandma's pea soup was legendary. 😬

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:35

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:34

I remember watching something on BBC2 where they gave one lot of people dinner, and another lot of people dinner made into soup, and they stayed fuller longer.🤷‍♀️

I remember that!

ApocalipstickNow · 04/11/2023 20:35

I think it’s the water content- I watched something years ago that said if you have a glass of water with a meal it’s more filling.

I believe it anyway 😂

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:39

Slimming World recipes also often have tomato soups with baked beans in but I've never fancied that.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 04/11/2023 20:40

Slimming World recipes also often have tomato soups with baked beans in but I've never fancied that.

Do you rinse them à la Jack Monroe?

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:43

Ereshkigalangcleg · 04/11/2023 20:40

Slimming World recipes also often have tomato soups with baked beans in but I've never fancied that.

Do you rinse them à la Jack Monroe?

No Grin

This is it:

https://www.strikeapose.co.uk/slimming-world-tomato-soup-that-tastes-just-like-heinz-but-syn-free/

ohsuzannah · 04/11/2023 20:50

WomaninBoots · 04/11/2023 20:04

ManinBoots did a lovely Leek, Cauliflower and Celery soup the other day. With chicken. It was good.

I'll tell him he's a woman now.

Recipe please 😂

ohsuzannah · 04/11/2023 20:53

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:39

Slimming World recipes also often have tomato soups with baked beans in but I've never fancied that.

I made it and it was delicious. It actually tastes just like Heinz

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:54

I made it and it was delicious. It actually tastes just like Heinz
Maybe I should try it.

woopdedoodle · 04/11/2023 20:58

I've just seen a Bolognese and salad soup suggested on my usually helpful diabetic meal planner site.

Which is neither fish nor fowl.

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:59

woopdedoodle · 04/11/2023 20:58

I've just seen a Bolognese and salad soup suggested on my usually helpful diabetic meal planner site.

Which is neither fish nor fowl.

Salad in the soup??

WomaninBoots · 04/11/2023 20:59

Isn't baked beans in tomato soup just... baked beans. 😁 Baked beans "long"?

Ereshkigalangcleg · 04/11/2023 21:00

Yes I was thinking that, does it taste like Heinz tomato soup or Heinz beans?