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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Trans people and loved ones

127 replies

AlphaTransWoman · 04/11/2023 16:37

I feel this is one of the most difficult topics of all around gender transition, but for this very reason, it's one that has to be addressed. Apologies if this is on the wrong board, but I think it fits best here given the frequent discussions around trans issues that take place here.

I've been reading the excellent Trans Widows Voices website recommended on another thread, and I found many of the stories there heart-breaking. Transition can have a devastating effect on relationships, both between partners and close family members such as parents and children. One would be foolish to deny that.

Sometimes, however, transition is unavoidable where it is essential for an individual's mental wellbeing and their ability to function at all - whether in a relationship or in wider society.

The question then is how to mitigate the damage. What can transitioners and their loved ones do to preserve relationships if that is better for all involved, or end them amicably if not? My immediate thought is that good communication, understanding each other's boundaries and supporting each other are key, though I'm not entirely sure how these could work in practice.

The question is simply whether there is a helpful discussion we can have here about how the situation can be better managed? I'm not sure but I hope there is.

Please note that for reasons of privacy I won't be able to answer personal questions on this subject, and would hope any discussion on this issue is in general rather than specific terms. I hope you understand my reasons for this.

OP posts:
WomaninBoots · 04/11/2023 21:01

ohsuzannah · 04/11/2023 20:50

Recipe please 😂

You're asking the wrong "inBoots" for that much detail. Roast stuff, put it in pan, add some water, mush up?

😆

WickedSerious · 04/11/2023 21:02

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 20:34

I have tried making my own stock, and it can be really good, but for everyday used I feel it is a bit of a waste of gas.
The whole of Mumsnet is shook now that you don't make your own stock.

Does lentil soup make you farty? I made some dahl once and it was delicious, but ye gods it's a good job I was on my own in the house.

You were the only one who heard the music.

SoundTheSirens · 04/11/2023 23:06

Melroses · 04/11/2023 20:34

I remember watching something on BBC2 where they gave one lot of people dinner, and another lot of people dinner made into soup, and they stayed fuller longer.🤷‍♀️

Spooky, that's the second time in two days I've heard/seen something about that experiment.

Butternut squash soup is lovely with lots of tarragon added.

My current new favourite soup is roast cauliflower and cumin. Delish.

Woman2023 · 04/11/2023 23:33

I made a lettuce, cucumber and pea soup earlier this year due to an excess of lettuce and cucumber. It was better than it sounds, which is what most of the reviews on bbc good food said as well.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 04/11/2023 23:35

That actually sounds quite nice. Is it on the good food website?

TinselAngel · 04/11/2023 23:43

My current new favourite soup is roast cauliflower and cumin. Delish.
That sounds nice.

Woman2023 · 05/11/2023 07:40

Ereshkigalangcleg · 04/11/2023 23:35

That actually sounds quite nice. Is it on the good food website?

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/cucumber-pea-lettuce-soup

WomaninBoots · 05/11/2023 07:52

Lettuce?
Soup?
Lettuce soup?!

NugatoryMatters · 05/11/2023 07:57

WomaninBoots · 05/11/2023 07:52

Lettuce?
Soup?
Lettuce soup?!

Apprently Lentil soup in BBC food’s most popular alternative.

I don’t feel lentil soup could possibly be in the same category as lettuce soup. You’re not going to eat them in the same circumstances.

Trans people and loved ones
TeenDivided · 05/11/2023 07:59

Alpha You need to be on a site for Transwomen and tell them to start being respectful to women's boundaries.

Staying out of women's toilets, sport, rape centres.
Not screwing up their kids by trying to insist they are called 'Mum'.
Not giving their whole focus on 'being a woman' but being interested in their kids.
Not spending all their money on 'being a woman' but providing for their family.
Letting women speak.

NugatoryMatters · 05/11/2023 08:03

I also think that the frozen peas are the ingredient readers are least likely to be looking for reassurance on.

You’d think a note saying ‘don’t worry about boiling cucumber’ might be more useful. 😆

Trans people and loved ones
NugatoryMatters · 05/11/2023 08:05

@TeenDivided I’m pretty sure alpha is only interested in telling women how they can make life easier for alpha.

TeenDivided · 05/11/2023 08:07

NugatoryMatters · 05/11/2023 08:05

@TeenDivided I’m pretty sure alpha is only interested in telling women how they can make life easier for alpha.

Well that might be. But this thread is now off FWR and in Relationships, so I thought I'd skip the recipes and answer their question.

NugatoryMatters · 05/11/2023 08:16

TeenDivided · 05/11/2023 08:07

Well that might be. But this thread is now off FWR and in Relationships, so I thought I'd skip the recipes and answer their question.

Sadly, the recipe chat reflects the general experience of posters of the futility of trying to encourage alpha to care about how anyone else feels.

Even the thread title here - ‘loved ones’ - tells you that alpha is only interested in looking at it from the transitioner perspective. Those women and children by need to figure out how to put their feelings aside and ensure nothing upsets the man who has announced he wants to transition.

ampletime · 05/11/2023 08:23

OP
You can never ever be a woman. Just like I can dress up as a cat but I will never be a cat.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 05/11/2023 08:58

Imagine if a lion got a haircut and told the lioness it was now living as a lioness (while still doing fuck-all about the kids and bringing home the antelope!) 😂

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/11/2023 09:45

Thanks for the soup recipe @Woman2023! I think it sounds nice and summery, would probably eat it chilled, like a green gazpacho.

WomaninBoots · 05/11/2023 11:07

Again.
Lettuce? Soup?

Lettuce???

I'm truly baffled. THIS is what I need help understanding. 😆

NugatoryMatters · 05/11/2023 11:11

WomaninBoots · 05/11/2023 11:07

Again.
Lettuce? Soup?

Lettuce???

I'm truly baffled. THIS is what I need help understanding. 😆

Lettuce and peas cooked together is definitely a classic French thing.

It’s the boiling cucumber that is flummoxing me.

TinselAngel · 05/11/2023 13:45

It sounds like it'd be sludge.

Woman2023 · 05/11/2023 13:52

I know, I think that's why pretty much everyone put "came out better than I expected". Which is what we all said when eating it.

Woman2023 · 05/11/2023 13:56

It's the kind of recipe I try when the neighbours are offloading large veggies from their allotment.

ArthurbellaScott · 05/11/2023 14:00

Stir fried lettuce is lovely.

TinselAngel · 05/11/2023 14:26

ArthurbellaScott · 05/11/2023 14:00

Stir fried lettuce is lovely.

You're just being silly now.

FreddysSquishyBollock · 05/11/2023 14:28

Has anyone ever tried those things that look like spikes cucumbers from
SE Asian style grocers?