No real point to this. Got text meant for golden child sister

[Narcfamilies]

Been very LC with my family for a few years now. Mother is narcissistic and I was horrendously abused as a child teen and young adult emotionally financially and physically. One sibling golden child other just a bystander / tool when needed . Mother and sister managed to maintain a perfect public image to this day so I don’t see wider family / family friends.

When I got out I was just very low contact. So I basically send texts on special occasions or other rare times (so maybe 3/4 times a year)

I had text my mother last week as it was her 75mg birthday. She never even bothers to send my dc birthday cards but I thought it’s her 75th it won’t hurt . I text ‘Happy Birthday hope you have a lovely day. Hope you’ve been well we are all good kids well and happy etc etc’

shes not the best with tech and i got a message back almost immediately with a screenshot saying ‘She’s sent this don’t worry I won’t reply just letting you know she sent it first I haven’t started it just like you said. She won’t be able to say or prove we had any kind of relationship / contact so don’t worry about that. I won’t mention the kids as I know yours are the priority. Will keep you updated xxxx’
its not that I’m hurt I’m just pissed off and can’t understand why they act like this !

And why the comment about proving any kind of relationship??! I don’t want to do that makes no sense

Just frustrated that they carry this on

You can appeal a will if you have a legitimate connection (child, 'adopted' child or live in partner of long time).

My parents weren't married, They both agreed to leave everything to us. Mam owned the house, Dad owned the business. We had it explained that as they lived together as if they where married that the surviving one could if they choose to appeal the will for an 'fair share' but nothing would be 'automatic'.

So my dad could have claimed for a share of the house if he wanted to go back on what they agreed when mam was alive (he has no reason to though as where let him live there obviously anyway). Even though they aren't married because they where together 3/5ths of my mams life and had kids so a 'genuine claim to a relationship'.

If you wanted to be awkward you could contest the Will, just to hold things up and cause her frustration 🤣 even if you know you’ll get nothing they would have to wait for your claim to come in and you get 6 months to claim once you’ve notified them of your intention to claim.

Or perhaps "thanks for the evidence you are being manipulated to disinherited me. I'll need that for the courts when the time comes"

Proof that blood does not equal family. You're better off without either of them.

The petty side of me would need them to know I knew what they were doing, even though I'd not want a penny from a mother like that.

As others have said, it’s about the will. Just go NC with them.

If they do try any form of contact (like your mother is very sick) you know what the correct response is now.

Everyone's assuming OP wants some inheritance....

Amen.

They've given you the reason you really needed to go completely NC. Enjoy that extra headspace now that they won't exist there any more.

Yes this! How awful for you to have family like that, very nasty.

i also like the idea of planting the idea in your mother's head that despite her best intentions, you are going to contest the will and make life difficult for your sister - and neither of them can do anything about it.

Probably by making a family/friends WhatsApp group and posting the picture and hinting that I'm contesting any will that cuts me out (and then go NC and not contest the will because - meh)

this brilliant
my mum says ‘don’t get mad get even’
I love the idea of ‘outing’ them

sorry your family are so rubbish good on you for getting out.

We are in England so I wouldn’t be able to contest and win anyway , and if it came to that I don’t think I have the energy anyway after everything which sounds defeatist but I’d have no chance then they’d get immense satisfaction of ‘winning’

You're clearly better off being NC with both, how horrible for you to have it in writing though.

Regarding being written out of her will, whilst a claim under the 1975 Inheritance Act would probably fail as you aren't supported by her in any way financially, you could consider bringing a claim on the basis of undue influence as it sounds like your sister is quite involved.

Apparently there has been a big increase in undue influence claims. So many elderly people being isolated during Covid didn't help, easier for a family member or carer to get the upper hand. Honestly, people are vile when it comes to estates/inheritance.

Do exactly what @TeaGinandFags recommended.

Also get some legal advice.

Your sister and mother are revolting people, they sound unwell in the head.

I am so sorry for what you have experienced.

I hope when the time comes you will get a fair share of the inheritance and then you can cut off that spiteful monster of a sister for good.

I can completely understand OP why you would want to go NC and leave them all to it. And all power to you if that's what you decide.

However, if you wanted to mess with their heads, I'd pretend you never saw the message. Every week or so, I'd text your mum "to see how she is". Sometimes, I'd write it as though it was a continuation of a conversation (eg one you pretended to have had on the phone/in person). Occasionally thank her for "a lovely chat" or "good catch up when life's so busy". Her tactic of not responding will freak them out, as you are still appearing to have a relationship anyway. Not because you want it for evidence, just to wind them up!

Eventually, you might get a "leave me alone" message or blocked, but the pettiness in me would enjoy it for a while!

Depending on the message you get back, you could even send replies alluding to "I know no-one is allowed to know we talk mum, and I promise I won't tell anyone. Can't you just make sure golden sister doesn't see your phone? Or is it too risky?"

I'd post this in a wider family chat and then post some concern that your Mum is being financially abused. That should put a firecracker up their arses.

I would honestly send the screen shot back with a message.. you don't have to speak to her but at least she'll know that you've seen her message.

'Sorry you feel that way, now I know for sure and have seen it in writing I won't bother you again'

Could it be for power of attorney paperwork? Financial or/and health control? If so, again it could be used as evidence of coercion.

I would absolutely share this on a family chat, especially if you're LC or NC with these people. A parting shot before you cut contact with all of them.

These people rely on us being the 'better person' and not being as nasty and cruel as they are - well fuck that, I'd share it far and wide.

Sorry you're having to deal with this vile person

No contact from now, you owe either of them nothing. The petty part of me would want to share what a nasty piece of work your mother is with the wider family. Pull that carefully crafted reputation apart.

Shocking, and goes to show how some people aren't fit to be parents, and I bet your sister is repeating the narc pattern with her kids.

Hopefully your mum will need full time care and her money will go on that.

Oh no :(

I would be very tempted to reply! I’m so sorry for you.

That's awful. I have similar with a family member.
You probably didn't need this text to reaffirm what you know about your mum and sister however some times its useful to get a reminder.
I have found that over long periods of time I start to wonder if I was actually in the wrong at some point or if I am reading signals and their behaviours/ actions incorrectly. Things like this bring it sharply back into focus. You know who they are and they continue to show you.

I would want to alert the family (atleast the golden on) to this text but then you already know how they will all respond....

You actually sound like you are not that bothered by them anymore which is a great position to be in. I would like to get to this position.

I suspect the best course of action is just to keep the screenshot but say and do nothing, just go NC. I'd be tempted to send the screenshot to golden child and say 'I think this was meant for you' then go no contact. I wouldn't involve other family members. Chances are they'll try to spin it so you're the bad one, OP. Better to keep your powder dry and use the screenshot if and when the time is right.