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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

No real point to this. Got text meant for golden child sister

380 replies

Narcfamilies · 03/11/2023 08:32

Been very LC with my family for a few years now. Mother is narcissistic and I was horrendously abused as a child teen and young adult emotionally financially and physically. One sibling golden child other just a bystander / tool when needed . Mother and sister managed to maintain a perfect public image to this day so I don’t see wider family / family friends.

When I got out I was just very low contact. So I basically send texts on special occasions or other rare times (so maybe 3/4 times a year)

I had text my mother last week as it was her 75mg birthday. She never even bothers to send my dc birthday cards but I thought it’s her 75th it won’t hurt . I text ‘Happy Birthday hope you have a lovely day. Hope you’ve been well we are all good kids well and happy etc etc’

shes not the best with tech and i got a message back almost immediately with a screenshot saying ‘She’s sent this don’t worry I won’t reply just letting you know she sent it first I haven’t started it just like you said. She won’t be able to say or prove we had any kind of relationship / contact so don’t worry about that. I won’t mention the kids as I know yours are the priority. Will keep you updated xxxx’
its not that I’m hurt I’m just pissed off and can’t understand why they act like this !

And why the comment about proving any kind of relationship??! I don’t want to do that makes no sense

Just frustrated that they carry this on

OP posts:
mommatoone · 03/11/2023 08:58

This is awful OP. Sorry that happened you. I would literally have to share that text with my wider family to show them the true picture of whats going on.

Iheartpizza · 03/11/2023 08:58

I would probably text her back and tell her that you've seen the message and not to worry, you won't ever contact her again.

Slipslidinginthefray · 03/11/2023 08:58

Wow OP I’m so sorry what horrible horrible people they are. That is truly awful and thank goodness you got out.

Definitely go totally no contact but before that I also would want to let the world know what they are like. For a start I’d send that back to both of them saying it’s good to have evidence are how manipulative and nasty they are as it frees you to live your happy life away from their bitterness and misery. How thankful you are your children’s won’t have to have them as any kind of role models and how happy you and your family are away from such abuse. Id include the other sibling in that.
Then save it just in case you need it and block them all and try to move on.

You sound very strong but that shit hurts so I hope you have support and/or therapy if wanted.

Biasquia · 03/11/2023 09:00

LiCenDon · 03/11/2023 08:57

Sounds like it's inheritance and your mother is being manipulated.
I'd be tempted to send screenshot on to the other family members asking if they can shed any light on what this means as you're a bit confused, in a light, enquiring sort of way!

What country are you in? If you're in Scotland you cannot completely disinherit a child

Other family members typically know and stay well out of it to preserve their family relationships. It was CSA in my family, they all know, carpet sweeping to maintain the family image is their only response. They were happy to go along with my parents pushing me out. This is absolutely the norm.

Ibravedaflood · 03/11/2023 09:01

Send that screenshot to all her family op - she can try and deny it but they will always have doubt... Then block her and dsis.. And enjoy the peace.. Been nc with dps for over 20 years. Blissful

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 03/11/2023 09:03

Goodornot · 03/11/2023 08:40

My mum is even more confusing. She switches frequently between which one of us is the scape goat. She sides with whomever she can get sympathy from.

My M does this too. It can work to your advantage though. If you're not the favourite, she doesn't expect anything from you. You can also use the scapegoat to deliver unwanted news.

2jacqi · 03/11/2023 09:03

Narcfamilies · 03/11/2023 08:36

I was under the impression you can’t contest anyway unless you’ve been financially supported by the person who passed away up till their death?
If they are stressing about it though that does give me some satisfaction. They are pathetic

Show quote history

@Narcfamilies it depends which country you are in for contesting the will. if you are in scotland and she leaves you nothing then you should go ahead and get a solicitor in to demand your rights in the inheritance!!

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 03/11/2023 09:03

If it is about inheritance, surely she’s just shot herself in the foot because this could now prove she’s being manipulated by your sister and give you more claim to inheritance?

Keep that screenshot safe, OP!

RudsyFarmer · 03/11/2023 09:05

Fucking hell that is cold. I honestly would be seething about it. What to obvious they are ensuring you have no ability to contest the will by claiming no relationship. I’d have to simmer on that long enough to concoct the most scathing of replies or maybe I’d think of something more calculating to do down the line.

Im so sorry you have such a disgusting family OP. It’s honestly heart breaking for you.

JustAMinutePleass · 03/11/2023 09:06

Keep that screenshot safe: when she dies use it to prove your sister manipulated her into changing her will and ruin all their plans.

ObsidianGrape · 03/11/2023 09:07

I'd be really tempted to reply! Screenshot back saying, thanks for this. I'm sending to the whole family to show what a loving mother you are!

Then block her and your sisters and be content in the stress they would be going through worrying about the families perception of them! Lol

LizzieSiddal · 03/11/2023 09:07

So sorry you have such a shit family.

At the very least you should send her back the screenshot, so she knows you’ve seen it, read it and have a copy. I add a comment such as “God you’re both pathetic, take this as notice to never speak to either of you ever again”.

wednamenov · 03/11/2023 09:08

CoffeeBean5 · 03/11/2023 08:37

I'd make a family chat including all your family members and post the screenshot.

This exactly what I'd do, and what they'd deserve.

Newpeep · 03/11/2023 09:09

Iheartpizza · 03/11/2023 08:58

I would probably text her back and tell her that you've seen the message and not to worry, you won't ever contact her again.

This. I would want her to know I'd seen it. How horrible of them both. Best off out of it.

flaxentoad · 03/11/2023 09:09

Narcfamilies · 03/11/2023 08:35

But that makes no sense to me as I was under the impression you can leave anyone out and there’s nothing they can do anyway so proving a relationship isn’t going to help ? I found it really weird

Show quote history

True, but she's probably using her will as leverage to keep the Golden Child on side. Making it sound like she's going to a lot of effort for GC.

Also, consider that she "accidentally on purpose" sent the message to you. Narcs would do this sort of thing.

MaggieFS · 03/11/2023 09:09

LiCenDon · 03/11/2023 08:57

Sounds like it's inheritance and your mother is being manipulated.
I'd be tempted to send screenshot on to the other family members asking if they can shed any light on what this means as you're a bit confused, in a light, enquiring sort of way!

What country are you in? If you're in Scotland you cannot completely disinherit a child

Yes, that's what I thought. Own goal on that front, but it may not mean anything.

Orangello · 03/11/2023 09:09

I'm so sorry.

and yes it would be REALLY tempting to stir some shit and tell your sister that you had such a lovely catch up with mum, all ironed out. Mum kept insisting she wouldn't say anything to sister, but surely she has no problems with it, right? But don't worry if mum insist this never happened, she's not losing her marbles or anything.
Nothing good will come out of it though. But tempting.

Startagainjanuary · 03/11/2023 09:11

I would not contact her again. Enjoy your life. Get some therapy.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 03/11/2023 09:12

Just send back the PA thumbs up.

flaxentoad · 03/11/2023 09:12

Narcs love attention.

I would ignore and continue to send the blandest, shortest special occasion messages I could. Do something extra nice for yourself on these days and be glad you are free.

Namerequired · 03/11/2023 09:12

Your sister is telling her how to keep you out of the Will and she’s assuring her she’s doing it. Awful.

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 03/11/2023 09:13

If you are in Scotland you will still be entitled to a share of the estate. She can write you out of the Will but you will still be offered your share. You are probably in England tho and I'm not sure about the rules there. What an absolute bastrd your mother is. Poor you. Hope you have great friends

Gnomegnomegnome · 03/11/2023 09:13

This sounds like my family! Although it’s tempting to respond I feel that you would be giving them ammunition.
No contact is much easier than low contact.

Gillypie23 · 03/11/2023 09:13

I think they're talking about her will. I'm sure the last thing you want us her money.

Brefugee · 03/11/2023 09:14

I'm a vindictive fucker so I'd send the screenshot to all my relatives.
And then just carry on but NC with all of them instead of LC.

Sorry that happened to you, OP.