No real point to this. Got text meant for golden child sister

[Narcfamilies]

Been very LC with my family for a few years now. Mother is narcissistic and I was horrendously abused as a child teen and young adult emotionally financially and physically. One sibling golden child other just a bystander / tool when needed . Mother and sister managed to maintain a perfect public image to this day so I don’t see wider family / family friends.

When I got out I was just very low contact. So I basically send texts on special occasions or other rare times (so maybe 3/4 times a year)

I had text my mother last week as it was her 75mg birthday. She never even bothers to send my dc birthday cards but I thought it’s her 75th it won’t hurt . I text ‘Happy Birthday hope you have a lovely day. Hope you’ve been well we are all good kids well and happy etc etc’

shes not the best with tech and i got a message back almost immediately with a screenshot saying ‘She’s sent this don’t worry I won’t reply just letting you know she sent it first I haven’t started it just like you said. She won’t be able to say or prove we had any kind of relationship / contact so don’t worry about that. I won’t mention the kids as I know yours are the priority. Will keep you updated xxxx’
its not that I’m hurt I’m just pissed off and can’t understand why they act like this !

And why the comment about proving any kind of relationship??! I don’t want to do that makes no sense

Just frustrated that they carry this on

Agree 💯 with @BardRelic - it’s not about “having no backbone” which sounds a bit victim blaming - it’s about the OP doing what is right for her and her well-being.

This.

"Its really nice to know what you really think of your daughter. How loving. I made the effort and your response is to tell my sister that its all fine and it won't effect you cutting me out of your will. Its sad that you think everything is all about money and living an approved lifestyle. I am very happy and your grandchildren, who know nothing about this, are great so thank you for asking".

This is horrid for you, OP. I would do as PP suggested and just resend her the screenshot, with a minimal comment (like 'nice') and then NC foreverrr.

It depends on where you live. I believe that wills in England can be contested.

In Scotland, children are legally entitled to one third of a parent's moveable estate, divided equally amongst each child, no matter what is in the will. (The parent can leave more, but the child won't get less.)

@Narcfamilies

I think I'd pick the very 'gossipiest' family member, send them the screenshot and say "Is anything is going on with Mum and Sister? I got this message obviously intended for Sis and it sounds as if she's unduly influencing Mum". Then let gossipy relative spread it around to the rest of the family.

After that, NC is the way to go.

It's about inheritance. Your sister is being complicit in actively helping cut you and your children out of any family inheritance.

they all sound vile. I'd go completely no contact with both of them

Gosh how horrible for you. Really cutting them out is the best.

I’d reply “ Ha ha ha. You mucked that up didn’t you mum. Don’t worry I ‘ll leave you both to it and won’t be in contact again.”.

I think you should reply and say thank you for the evidence my sister is pressuring you and that you are feeling you have to explain yourself to her.

MAKE THEM SWEAT IT!

You mentioned you've two siblings?

So if the text was meant for the golden one, I'd be sending a screenshot to the bystander one. This achieves several things - if the bystander sibling is also going to get shafted, they are going to know now too, and presumably will challenge your mother and GC. Or they are fully complicit. In which case you've just outed them as pretending to be neutral in the whole thing and you can go NC with them too. But either way that sibling will let your DM know you saw the text.

So that achieves the second aim - letting DM and GC know you you saw the text without you telling them they know. And since they think contacting you will invalidate the will, they can't exactly contact you to explain or justify.

If they send flying monkeys, they run the risk of you showing them your screenshot and opening up the nasty plan to the wider family so they can't really do that either.

It sucks. DM did similar but doesn't know that the rest of us know. But I was struggling with guilt at resenting her future care burden on me knowing that I was her scapegoat. Now I can choose to do only what I feel like doing, guilt free!

So go fully NC and block with a clear conscience. After you send the screenshot to Bystander sibling of course!

They’re pathetic, OP, whereas you sound (from this and updates) kind and sensible. You’re better off without them. Their loss, not yours.
But I’d certainly keep the screenshot, in case you ever wavered or anyone disputed the facts.
I hope you’re enjoying life. And remembering the old saying, living well is the best revenge.

That's not victim blaming the op has a shit family and she does exist. She is her mother's daughter and she has rights to protect herself and her children from an emotionally abusive mother and sister. That doesn't mean she has no rights to an inheritance and allow them to continue to emotionally abuse her even in death. Op does exist and she should stand up for herself and not be a victim. Her mother has no right to disown her daughter for no reason. Op will get her day she needs to be patient.

I'm sorry you are treated this way, OP. You sound like a really nice person.

Hang in there, and do something nice for yourself this weekend.
💐

Time to go zero contact I think.

Zero contact now.
I'm sorry your family are so horrible to you OP 🙁

the worse feeling ever-is realising they know exactly what they are doing.
x

Or... Piss them off majorly by dropping presents round, pictures the kids have painted, and taking selfies at every opportunity... Appearing delightful and having a stream of texts saying you hoped she enjoyed the home made biscuits you took round etc etc could give you some entertainment!! It would really piss off your cow of a sister!

Perhaps you might even weave into conversation with your mother that you feel you are happy and successful in your life, and say to her if she is thinking about her will, your sister might benefit more from her generosity... Of course you could then possibly challenge the will... A track record of relationship will have been established by then much to your sister's consternation!

You will never win when you're up against a Narc they don't care what people think of them and have no empathy .There is a possibility they meant to send it , Narcs play really sick games to drag you back in Don't let them live rent free in your head OP .

Haha I agree with this, do everything you can to get them worrying about what proof of contact you might have.

Even though proof of contact is irrelevant it'll be hugely enjoyable to know they'll be getting their knickers in a twist over it all.

The only thing you can do now after you have grieved the loss of your mother is to talk to her only when you want to make sure she is still alive. Never talk about your family to her if she asks they are okay and that's it. It's your casual behaviour that will kill them off. It will get to a point when they will know nothing about you and your family. Even up to what you look like. Your mother will miss you but she will never get you back. You have to emotionally switch off and treat her like a stranger you just met. It's an unfortunate thing you can't choose your family.

I wonder if it is your sister manipulating your mum and wonder about elder abuse.

Yes this. ^

I haven’t read the full thread but this is actually genius

Precisely what many outsiders and onlookers would think. Easy to see how complicity could in fact be appeasement due to elder abuse

As a direct descendant I think you CAN contest it, should you so desire. Personally, I wouldn’t want anything from her nor would I piss on her were she on fire. What a massive bitch.