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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Aibu to be upset about this, did he overreact?

215 replies

bandmdrama · 02/11/2023 00:04

Boyfriend of six months. I drove 10 miles earlier to pick him up and then another 6 miles to the car garage so he could pick his car up after being repaired. Afterwards he said he needed to go into b and m next door so I went in with him and picked up a couple of items that came to around 4 pound. When we were at the checkout I said oh can I just put these on yours as it's quicker. He said loudly where other people could hear that he is not a sugar daddy and he might as well have got an Uber as I was supposed to be saving him money by giving him a lift. I was embarrassed so I quickly left but I challenged him about it outside and said that he tried to embarrass me in public. He called me again on the way home and ranted to me that I had just seen him pay a large car repair bill and I should have more compassion and money doesn't grow on trees. By this point I was upset and I just said I would transfer him the four pound but he wouldn't accept that and then said it had been a joke. I feel so humiliated and upset and I'm seriously considering dumping him as surely this is likely to just be the start of his meanness?

OP posts:
BCBird · 02/11/2023 15:38

Bin. Wat an arse

Bax765 · 02/11/2023 15:39

This isn't a "consider dumping him" thing, this is "definitely get rid & never look back".

This will not be a one off and you deserve better.

Cosywintertime · 02/11/2023 15:39

Crikeyisthatthetime · 02/11/2023 15:13

So what if she did try to get some pennies back from the loudmouth?

Then they are both as tight as each other. However clearly his behaviour in terms of reaction was unacceptable, but yeah if she was trying to get him to buy 4 quids worth of stuff as she drove him, then they are both tight

SchoolQuestionnaire · 02/11/2023 15:44

My mum’s favourite saying - Tight with money, tight with love. Get rid op.

Lotus3 · 02/11/2023 15:44

"I'm so sorry babe, I don't have enough on my card to pay for yours right now."

That 👆 is the correct response from him.

Deliberately raising his voice at you in a public place over that is nasty. Yes youre allowed to be upset. Feel free to throw the man away. This won't be the last time it happens...

GirlOfTudor · 02/11/2023 15:45

Sounds like you've both overreacted. Him over £4 (especially when you e helped him out) and you over the comment.
However, I would note that it's not your job to save him money like he's claiming!

Greenpolkadot · 02/11/2023 15:46

And it's another vote for the bin from me...the tosser

Iamnotalemming · 02/11/2023 15:48

Ick.
Bloody hell what a charmer. Doesn't sound like a keeper.

Harry12345 · 02/11/2023 15:49

Ick! Dump him you’re worth more

SoSo99 · 02/11/2023 15:51

Undisclosedlocation · 02/11/2023 14:08

Send him an invoice for your petrol. Add an hourly charge for your time. Then deduct the £4
After all, you aren’t a ‘sugar mummy’

Oh, and ditch him. He’s a tight, cruel loser

This! Brilliant

RiderofRohan · 02/11/2023 15:54

Getting major wasteman vibes. Imagine you stayed with him in the future and for some reason out of your control (sickness, kids, etc) needed to rely on him financially for some time. If he's acting this way over £4, he's no keeper.

Scottsy200 · 02/11/2023 15:56

Red flag, run fast

2catsandhappy · 02/11/2023 16:05

@Wishimaywishimight has said what I came on to say.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/11/2023 16:09

YANBU to feel upset. Now the question is - are you going to do anything about it?

I think this is quite indicative of the type of person he is - "he might as well have got an Uber as I was supposed to be saving him money by giving him a lift". Did you know you were supposed to be saving him money? I expect you thought you were being helpful (you were), but he saw your help in purely financial terms.

And then, at the checkout - "He said loudly where other people could hear" - so not just stingy, but actively trying to humiliate you. This is designed to stop you ever asking him for anything ever again, because the risk of humiliation will feel too great. It's quite a controlling behaviour for him to deploy.

"... and I just said I would transfer him the four pound but he wouldn't accept that and then said it had been a joke."
No, it wasn't a joke. You know it, I know it, he knows it. It's an attempt to pull you back onboard. Don't fall for it, because things are NOT going to go back to how they were. If you stay in this relationship, he would now know that he can treat you like this, humiliate you in public - and you'll put up with it. So he'll do it more. He'll do it even more humiliatingly. He will escalate - they always do.

"I feel so humiliated and upset and I'm seriously considering dumping him as surely this is likely to just be the start of his meanness?"
Do dump him - it's your best choice. It's not just his meanness, it's his whole attitude, the being a user, the willingness to humiliate you. And this is not the start of it, it's always been there. What this is the start of, is him letting his mask slip and testing your boundaries. He's seeing how much bad behaviour on his part you will accept. That's why it's important to accept nothing.

Bin, bin, bin.

Dweetfidilove · 02/11/2023 16:09

I want to know where people are meeting these tight-arses so I can avoid them - £4 caused all that😳☹️

samestyle · 02/11/2023 16:11

Awful, he's taking advantage of you running him around for free, but when it comes to doing you a favour he's not interested, which shows you he is not a nice man, it's very mean of him to make a show out of buying you something for 4 pound, not a keeper and tbh someone that can't afford £4 isn't worth dating it's a huge red flag.

Eddielizzard · 02/11/2023 16:13

Did he pay you petrol? Hmm

Viviennemary · 02/11/2023 16:13

Get rid. He is horrible.

itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 02/11/2023 16:15

I'd have dumped him on the spot and left him to make his own way home.

Fmlgirl · 02/11/2023 16:17

Please don’t ever see this guy again.

Scirocco · 02/11/2023 16:18

Bin.

Aibu to be upset about this, did he overreact?
zingally · 02/11/2023 16:25

The honeymoon period is over and his mask has slipped.

Throw the whole man in the bin.

No one likes getting a large car bill, and no one is in their best of moods immediately afterwards, BUT it was 4 quid, AND you'd just done him a favour driving him around.

Next time he can definitely get that uber, because you'll be long gone.

obje · 02/11/2023 16:27

Tbh I'd be mortified if my bf done that to me in public over £4.

However, if roles were reversed and my bf asked me to pay for his shopping as "it would be quicker" I'd tell him where to go too. Sounds like a total BS excuse to get someone to pay for your shopping for you.

Maybe you felt like he owed you after you gave him the lift but you could have had a conversation about that instead of making up and an excuse to get him to pay (especially when the excuse doesn't make much sense anyway).

So it sounds like you weren't happy to give him a lift without something of monetary value in return.....and it sounds like he was looking for a favour without giving you anything of monetary value in return.

I couldn't be arsed with either of you tbh

obje · 02/11/2023 16:27

Dweetfidilove · 02/11/2023 16:09

I want to know where people are meeting these tight-arses so I can avoid them - £4 caused all that😳☹️

But 16 miles of petrol also caused all this. They sound equally to blame and right to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

rantinglunatic · 02/11/2023 16:30

A total and utter revolting pig of a human. Dump him. Block him.

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