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Original poster

In a state of inertia when DH around

229 replies

Stagnationstation · 01/11/2023 05:47

Does anyone else experience this? I get on with lots of stuff when I’m on my own but when someone is around I just seem to stagnate. Can’t get motivated. As soon as they are gone I can get on with stuff again. This is proving to be difficult since DH retired. He’s just there all the time. He’s great around the house and it makes me feel even more lazy. When he’s not around I get on with DIY, gardening, hobbies, all sorts but I just can’t seem to get motivated when he’s there. I do like my own space so am wondering where this is going now that we are both retired.

OP posts:
Mimicking · 14/03/2026 11:33

Mimicking · 14/03/2026 11:23

Another one here! I become non-functioning when man is here.

I was speaking to another woman about this a few years ago. She was the opposite. Was only motivated when her husband was home.

I have a little diy project I'd like to get in with but because OH is here I can't get myself into it!!

No wonder the unseen labour goes unseen!! 😅

I didn't realise this post was a few years old!

After reading a few comments I can relate to feeling resentment; if he's sitting on his backside then so am I!

Off to start that diy project regardless of who is home sitting around!!

FancyKeyboard · 19/10/2026 18:16

Just want to say YES to this old post.

So my husband is pretty good (I hate this low bar for men but there you go) as he cooks most meals and does most school runs. But he also clearly thinks 'I do big man job so get to sit down the rest of the time'. And when he is sitting down, I'm too slightly resentful to do anything else myself. But if he's away, I'm cleaning rooms that haven't had a deep clean in months, sorting out cupboards, just generally solving problems. Because I know it's all on me, I just do what it takes.

If both of us around and he's just doomscrolling on his phone... I'll be doing the same or reading a book.

JacknDiane · 19/10/2026 18:43

I do relate to this thread, im the exact same.

CocoPlum · 20/10/2026 16:30

FancyKeyboard · 19/10/2026 18:16

Just want to say YES to this old post.

So my husband is pretty good (I hate this low bar for men but there you go) as he cooks most meals and does most school runs. But he also clearly thinks 'I do big man job so get to sit down the rest of the time'. And when he is sitting down, I'm too slightly resentful to do anything else myself. But if he's away, I'm cleaning rooms that haven't had a deep clean in months, sorting out cupboards, just generally solving problems. Because I know it's all on me, I just do what it takes.

If both of us around and he's just doomscrolling on his phone... I'll be doing the same or reading a book.

My DP is away atm. I had the most glorious night to myself last week, and on onenof the weekend days I actually made myself an item of clothing and baked a cake. If he'd been there I would have been sat around all day doomscrolling.

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