I’ve only just felt well enough to be able to post on here, thank you for every single reply, I’m very grateful for each one of them and have read them all.
I managed to get a bit of time alone earlier and spent 40 minutes on the phone to Men’s Advice Line. Spoke to a lady who was hugely helpful. She gave me a lot of advice and was soo on judgemental and supportive. She actually advised that I don’t take any major action without my son’s consent first, and to basically not go behind his back.
She said abusers do their best to isolate victims from family, and the fact he chose to confide in me might mean I’m the only link he has when it comes to feeling connected with the “outside world”. If I betray that, he could completely shut down and I won’t know anything. She said she thought it’s very likely if the gf leaves here at the moment, he will follow her.
She also said their philosophy is that the victims are in control because so much of their life is controlled by their abuser, so allowing them to have that control is very important. This goes against my instincts because I really just want to go to the police when I feel well enough and report her. She did say there are other routes though to obtaining a non-mol order.
She also told me about an app to use which has a built in recorder in case I can get some of it documented. I can also keep a journal of everything she’s doing. I’ve already started this. I tried to speak to my husband earlier again but didn’t tell him all the details still, as my son requested. He just repeated what he said last night, that he’s an adult and if he needs help he needs to ask for it. There just isn’t much interest or concern from him in general, but that’s another story.
They went out today and got back tonight happier than I’ve seen them in a while, both in fantastic spirits and seem very loved up. It’s just bizarre, it’s as if nothing has happened. I’m having a hard time acting like everything is fine. I asked my son to chat to me alone at some point but he said he’s very busy tonight. I think he knows I’ve got some things to say and doesn’t want to hear it.
So tomorrow I’m going to try to get him on his own at some stage if I can and ask him to give one of these numbers a call or email them, plus the advisor earlier said he should go to the GP and get all this documented so I will tell him that.
Yes it’s annoying and frustrating for people to read this I imagine, but I’m trying to tread carefully and make sure he’s safe while also convincing him he can trust me.
To the person who said he learnt his people pleasing ways from me - yes you’re absolutely right there, I’ve failed him hugely and am in therapy myself trying to right the wrongs I’ve done along the way.