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Original poster

Partner just put pets in danger

239 replies

TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:00

How would you feel? We have a child-gate to separate our cat and dog. The dog is a terrier, and chases cats. We had a pet each when we met, and have used this solution for a long time with no issues. The cat is 21, and so, stays in mostly, but is taken for tours around the garden when the sun's out, and the dog is contained. We are all 4 usually very happy.

I just came back from walking the dog, fully expecting that the cat would be safely enclosed. My partner was expecting me at around that time. The dog went hurtling in through the door, as always... and the cat is wandering about, loose, in the hallway. I had to do a goalkeeper-like dive to stop the terrier getting at the cat, which would have been a very dangerous situation, given the fragility of the 21 year old cat. My partner said 'Oh, I left the gate open, I didn't realise the cat had even walked out', and did apologise, but...

I'm upset. The risk was enormous. My partner was so careless. An apology makes no difference, when my concern is the lack of awareness of risk.

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 31/10/2023 17:04

But you are now also aware of the need to keep the dog on a lead until you know where the cat is.

it’s just one of those things surely?

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 31/10/2023 17:05

Is the dog yours?
The blame lies with the owner of the dog solely.

Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:07

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 31/10/2023 17:05

Is the dog yours?
The blame lies with the owner of the dog solely.

Blame for what? Nothing happened. I did what we always do; brought the dog in, and dropped her lead whilst I went to take my coat off. My partner's behaviour was what caused the risk.

OP posts:
icewoman · 31/10/2023 17:08

It was both of your behaviours that caused the risk - next time check where the cat is before removing dog's lead

Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:09

pickledandpuzzled · 31/10/2023 17:04

But you are now also aware of the need to keep the dog on a lead until you know where the cat is.

it’s just one of those things surely?

Feels a bit like 'My partner let our dog out on the road without a lead.. just one of those things, right? Now a car nearly hit it, we know not to do it again!'

We've discussed the risk in the past and are both aware of it. There's no point having the gate if we each leave it open/closed at will, without informing the other. We've always managed it so well before.

OP posts:
KitchenDancefloor · 31/10/2023 17:10

It's 50:50

You should be in control of the dog. He should have closed the gate.

As you've said nothing happened so it shouldn't be about blame. More of a 'phew that was a close call, let's make sure WE don't let that happen again'

You're probably angry because of the shock.

AntonFeckoff · 31/10/2023 17:10

It sounds like it was bound to happen at some point.

Ianz · 31/10/2023 17:12

Really ! I am sorry but this is just ridiculous. You are blaming your partner for this and creating a thing out of it as well ? I will entertain this discussion, maybe if you both took the time and trained the pets to live in harmony none of this would of happened ! I mean who would have a dog and cat living under the same roof if they don't get a long ? it's a like a ticking time bomb for something horrible happens !

Maddy70 · 31/10/2023 17:12

You are nassobkey over reacting. You're both at fault you make sure they're both in a safe place before you take the dog of the lead

lockedinflavour · 31/10/2023 17:13

So you dropped the dogs lead that resulted in said dog running after the cat...you put your cat in danger...

Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:14

We have previously agreed that the cat will be enclosed in her own space. So, you all think it's my fault that the gate was left open when we'd agreed it wouldn't be?

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 31/10/2023 17:15

fully expecting that the cat would be safely enclosed

And he expected that you'd have your dog under control.

As you are in charge of what would be the assailant in this, you have the greater responsibility to make sure that he's not able to do that again - holding the lead for a small terrier underfoot would work. And if it's a significantly larger terrier, you hold the lead whilst you take your coat off.

DiscoBeat · 31/10/2023 17:16

If my cat was in that much danger I could never have risked them being in the same house.

ComfortablyNumbed · 31/10/2023 17:16

TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:14

We have previously agreed that the cat will be enclosed in her own space. So, you all think it's my fault that the gate was left open when we'd agreed it wouldn't be?

But with the greatest of respect, you also let go of the lead without checking the gate. Everyone involved made assumptions. You've got away with it this time, lesson learned.

Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:16

Ianz · 31/10/2023 17:12

Really ! I am sorry but this is just ridiculous. You are blaming your partner for this and creating a thing out of it as well ? I will entertain this discussion, maybe if you both took the time and trained the pets to live in harmony none of this would of happened ! I mean who would have a dog and cat living under the same roof if they don't get a long ? it's a like a ticking time bomb for something horrible happens !

The cat was 19 and the dog was 9 when we moved in together. What would be your advice re training them?

What 'thing' have I created? Who have I blamed? Should we have not moved in together, do you think?

OP posts:
icewoman · 31/10/2023 17:17

TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:14

We have previously agreed that the cat will be enclosed in her own space. So, you all think it's my fault that the gate was left open when we'd agreed it wouldn't be?

Yes, it is your fault that you didn't double check, because clearly it is not an infallible system.

NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 31/10/2023 17:17

Just double check and don't make assumptions.

Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:18

And he expected that you'd have your dog under control

No. My partner comes in and drops the lead just the same. We have previously agreed that the cat would be contained. That agreement was broken. The gate is there so that we don't have to 'hawk-eye' the animals, so I didn't expect to have to.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/10/2023 17:19

Jesus what a stressful way to live.

You can’t blame him OP

Dacadactyl · 31/10/2023 17:19

You sound way OTT over this. It's a cat. And people do forget to close gates etc.

Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:19

icewoman · 31/10/2023 17:17

Yes, it is your fault that you didn't double check, because clearly it is not an infallible system.

Show quote history

It's infallible if we all do what we agreed to do. And my partner didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:19

Dacadactyl · 31/10/2023 17:19

You sound way OTT over this. It's a cat. And people do forget to close gates etc.

Yeah, just a cat. Whatever, right?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:20

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/10/2023 17:19

Jesus what a stressful way to live.

You can’t blame him OP

I can't blame someone for leaving a gate open in a way that endangered animals.

Got it.

OP posts:
icewoman · 31/10/2023 17:21

TheFoundation · 31/10/2023 17:19

It's infallible if we all do what we agreed to do. And my partner didn't.

Show quote history

But you bet your cat's life that he remembered, or that it hadn't opened by accident. Not worth the risk

FrodoBagginsToeHair · 31/10/2023 17:21

You’re both to blame - you don’t have to Hawkeye the animals just don’t let go of the dog Til you know where the cat is. Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I’d say there’s 70/30 blame here